Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

I’m so sorry that this happened.

It really makes you appreciate the importance of it. I think I’ve mainly been thinking about it in terms of whether I can physically handle standing for the journey but my balance definitely isn’t what it usually is.

Agree with this.

This is exactly why people need to ask for a seat. As many people when pregnant would need a seat and others may not.

Also many people who are not pregnant might need a seat and you don't always know from looking.

Not a problem.. The person with a hidden disability would reply to your polite request to say they're sorry but they need the priority seat.

FWIW, when I request the priority seats towards the front of London buses and the relevant passenger(s) look up and see my admittedly fairly obvious need for a seat and immediately vacate, normally with embarrassed apologies

People don’t respond well to shouting. I wouldn’t be moving. If they want my seat, they can ask me politely, otherwise keep standing.

Guess your not in Scotland then op! My fellow Scots would be falling over each other to give you a seat.😂

I also have PGP and constant back pain. The foot is still worse though!!

Good for you.
Pregnancy may not have made you “disabled” but especially in the later stages it’s a lot of pressure on your joints, ligaments, circulatory system etc. Not to mention travelling on crowded public transport in the recent heat.
I had gestational diabetes and at several stages in later pregnancy felt very faint and like I may pass out if I didn’t sit.
Just because it didn’t affect you, doesn’t mean it’s the same for others.

Op, check with your train company - after 21 weeks many allow you to ride in first class on your standard class ticket. That certainly used to be the case when I was travelling into London daily. Was a life saver.

And Op, ignore the “I didn’t need a seat” comments.

I had two wonderful pregnancies but traveled an hour and a half each way, and walked a mile at each end. You do not need to give a reason for wanting to sit your ass down when you’re growing another human.

This!!

OP you shouldn’t have to ask, at 40 weeks pregnant it is absolutely obvious someone is pregnant, not fat. If I saw a pregnant woman get on the train… I would ask ‘Would you like my seat?’ Because I am neither pregnant or disabled and because it’s the considerate thing to do. Same thing when you see someone is elderly or disabled. Because that is what you’re supposed to do in a civilised society…

You are responsible for yourself though when it really comes down to it. If I noticed someone who looked like they needed a seat, I would certainly move to free up my seat, but it really is on you to ask if you need it. Being pregnant can mean you need a seat, it doesn’t mean that everyone else becomes responsible for you. You still need to advocate for yourself. TBH, a stranger is not going to care about you more than you care about yourself, so look out for yourself and ask if you need it.

I travelled to Scotland at almost 8 months pregnant, I can’t say I found this.

I definitely recommend wearing badges so people know that you are pregnant and would be more likely to offer a seat. I bought these Baby On Board badges from Amazon when I was pregnant and put one on the front of my coat, one on the back of my coat and one on my bag so people could easily see that I was pregnant from any angle!
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pack-Board-Badge-Pregnant-Woman/

I think another issue these days is that people don't want to offend a woman by offering them a seat as they assume that the woman is pregnant when they're not!

But you aren't just disappointed. You take zero accountability. You COULD ask, but you don't want to do that so everyone else is at fault even though there is something you could do to assert yourself. Why are you so passive? Your replies here have been passive aggressive too. Surely you know by now it's not how the world works and you generally have to ask for even push for things or you won't get them?

This is very true. If people are noticing you, they’re also chickening out of instigating a potentially awkward situation where they are implying someone looks pregnant, where they might just be v overweight. There are plenty of v overweight people around (me included).

Risk of instigating an embarrassing situation + unwillingness to talk to anyone on public transport + a bit of not really wanting to have to stand all combine to feel worse than not offering a seat to a pregnant woman. After all, they’ll think to themselves, if she really wanted a seat she could be the one to ask.

Best to practice asking I think - it’s a shame you have to but this is how it is in a lot of places.

These men on the train just do what they always do. Why is anyone still surprised? Most men just care about themselves. They don't think outside their own system. They just ask for what they want or just take it. It's not new. They don't look at you and think 'this women looks like she might need xyz so I am just going to offer it to her'.

I, like most people, are reading or looking at my phone so wouldn’t necessarily notice a person, pregnant or otherwise. Use your words and ask if you can have a seat.

I think we just differ in our opinions. All I’m saying is I would like the norm to be that people are more considerate and proactively offer seats to those who look like they need them more E.g. people who are disabled, pregnant or elderly.

I am accountable in the sense that I practice what I preach and do this myself (when not pregnant).

Also, it doesn’t end once the baby comes. I’m 7 months pregnant and had to use my body as a barrier to people swarming past a mother pushing a pram to get on a bus the other week.

Absolutely atrocious feral behaviour.

I generally found people were really good to offer and were very kind to me. However I do remember having to stand for an hour on a packed train while being 10 days overdue as the four people i asked said no and that was hellish. It did teach me to prebook seats though.

So they only offered you a seat when your brother asked, but not when you asked? How weird is that!

I feel for you OP, and am saddened that you have been in that situation. It's a shame so many people don't have the manners and awareness to offer a seat without being asked.

My DP is older, has grey/white hair and crutches. He commutes every day on the train to London and regularly has his crutches knocked away or is bumped into and knocked over. No-one ever says sorry and it's rare that anyone offers a seat. On one occasion he was knocked over outside the station and a stream of people just stepped over him and continued on their way.

Sorry OP, some people are just selfish or have drifted into selfish behaviour but there are still some who might do the right thing if asked. I would simply ask out loud, without directing it to anyone specifically, if anyone would be kind enough to let you sit for a while. There may be one who feels enough shame to get off their backside and give you a seat!

To those people who deliberately pretend not to notice in order to avoid giving up a seat (not sure if any are here but statistically possible), I'd like to point out that FYI giving up a seat to help out someone who needs it actually feels good and will make you feel like a slightly better human being for the rest of the day.

I'd find it much more empowering being able to assert myself.

20 years ago, I was more aware of who was on a train, and what they are doing etc. Now I just stare at my phone the whole time. I would never notice if you were pregnant because I would not notice you. If you asked me, I would give you my seat. If you demanded it, I might not.