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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

605 replies

brackenbury · 10/09/2025 17:45

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

OP posts:
Woofie7 · 11/09/2025 17:59

Pratt! Just ghost and leave him hanging

T1Dmama · 11/09/2025 18:00

It is odd and people don’t believe it… but actually narcissists often go for women in high powered positions!
when asked why they go for strong women they have answered things like ‘well I could go for unconfident women.. but where’s the fun in that!!’
part of the ‘fun’ for them is destroying women in important roles…. His name calling was his way of ‘testing you’… to see how much he can get away with..,. If you meet up again I’m sure he’d turn in the charm - love bomb you…. But he’d know that he can treat you like crap and you go back for more…. This is how abusive men work… reel you in, mistreat, then reel again…

I’d either message him back and tell him you’re very proud of your work and found it very inappropriate that he finds it funny to call someone a pedo.. then block without letting him respond!
or just block without responding!… he sounds like a manchild

Retiredfromearlyyears · 11/09/2025 18:00

I agree with the others! He is quite simply too stupid to breathe. Don't waste your time trying to explain how inappropriate the 'thickos' behaviour was. Just block him and move on.
Look ahead, into the future! I'm not being a snob, but can you honestly imagine being at any social event with him. Ooooooh! I think not! Anyway good luck going forward.

Ladyweathermore · 11/09/2025 18:01

You can’t argue with stupid and it sounds like he doesn’t have the capacity to even comprehend your perspective. Don’t block him as the messages could be quite entertaining for you… don’t waste your time responding, just remain gracefully silent….

MaybeItWasMe · 11/09/2025 18:03

Kaftanqween · 10/09/2025 17:49

What a disgusting person he is. Let him know that to call you that when you are a doctor who saves children’s lives suggests there’s something seriously wrong with him and that he seeks seek help before dating again.

please don’t let this get you down. He’s not normal.

This is a great response - do this. Good luck OP - there are decent men out there. My best mate is a single man on the apps and is just as disenchanted by the women he meets.

londongirl12 · 11/09/2025 18:04

Does he know your surname? If he does, it’ll be easy to find where you work.

Doubledenim305 · 11/09/2025 18:04

Not all men are like that. He's definitely a million times less intelligent than you. He obviously didn't even pick up how offensive he was and now offended u were. Definitely throw him back and move on.
As someone who is regularly in a children's ward...thank you for doing the incredible work you do. You guys are amazing. Must be an incredibly rewarding and demanding job.
So yes...thank you.

Someone will be honoured to be with you and treat you as his queen.
Accept nothing less

Hopingtobeaparent · 11/09/2025 18:05

@brackenbury sorry to hear this, OP. There are more and more women are choosing to remain single… take for that what you will. There are decent men out there, but hard to find amongst the crud!

I’d have given him a piece of my mind before the blocks personally, how else is he going to learn?! That said, he’d probably just think you’re ’being too sensitive’ anyway… 🙄 🤷‍♀️

Sorry for your losses too 😕

Lambretta54 · 11/09/2025 18:08

Tell him to totter off and go where the sun doesn't shine. What an utter waste of space !!

Thalia31 · 11/09/2025 18:09

Chompingatthebeat · 10/09/2025 17:47

Tell him to P off

I can't believe you didn't walk out and then immediately block.

theDudesmummy · 11/09/2025 18:12

You were remarkably restrained! I am sure it was the correct thing just to block him but I am not sure I would have been able to resist the urge to reply to his queries about a further date with "You must be joking" before I blocked.

Topsyturveymam · 11/09/2025 18:12

Some men are single for a reason! Don’t waste anymore energy on him. I don’t think you can tell from texts or even calls sometimes. When I did online dating in the past I tended to meet in real life quickly to get the measure of them….so I didn’t waste too much of my time if they were arses. I was quite surprised how many men could seem lovely prior, then within 10 minutes of meeting, found them to complete fu@kwits.
Don’t lose faith though, it’s just sorting out the ‘single for a reason’ men from the decent ones.

TankFlyBossW4lk · 11/09/2025 18:12

Honestly, he's not bright enough for you. He sounds like he was relieved he understood the title of your job. Block and move on. Silly men often try and minimise women in better jobs than them.

Hopingtobeaparent · 11/09/2025 18:13

Doubledenim305 · 11/09/2025 18:04

Not all men are like that. He's definitely a million times less intelligent than you. He obviously didn't even pick up how offensive he was and now offended u were. Definitely throw him back and move on.
As someone who is regularly in a children's ward...thank you for doing the incredible work you do. You guys are amazing. Must be an incredibly rewarding and demanding job.
So yes...thank you.

Someone will be honoured to be with you and treat you as his queen.
Accept nothing less

Also, this, OP.

I genuinely hope you find someone decent and worthy!

MinecraftMum40 · 11/09/2025 18:15

He’s obviously threatened by the fact you are a doctor so is trying to belittle it. You deserve WAY better. Please do not settle.

GreenFingeredClara · 11/09/2025 18:17

It's disappointing, isn't it? I understand the urge to explain, justify or educate (I've felt all of these in the years I've been dating) but there's no point. The recipient will either assume the worst of you or argue with you. If he knows or can find out where you live or work and is sufficiently unhinged it could be dangerous to antagonise him.

What I do in such a case is ignore, or send a polite 'it was a pleasure to meet you but I feel we are not a match. All the best'. And then I write about it in my blog, and laugh about it with my friends, and remind myself how lucky I am not to be saddled with such a man 😀. You've dodged a bullet there, move on and good luck!

JustAnotherManicMomday · 11/09/2025 18:19

I would be telling him straight up I dont appreciate being called that joking or not and that in your line of work something like that could destroy a career. Advise him you have no intentions of a second date but in future he may not wish to behave in that manor, certainly not on a first date.

Vynalbob · 11/09/2025 18:22

Was he 13?
It's like going fishing in the Thames catching a crocodile......no reasonable person should expect it. I hope it was a one off but next time whatever decisions you made that led you to that date I probably wouldn't repeat them.

nevernotmaybe · 11/09/2025 18:24

He's immature, I doubt there was any malicious master plan to "take you down a peg or two" or anything. I doubt the idea this was anything but a funny joke (to him) has crossed his mind at any point then or now.

Clearly not compatible with you though, ignore and move on.

BooBooDoodle · 11/09/2025 18:25

BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 10/09/2025 17:47

He was trying to take you down a peg or two. Some men just don’t like women with important jobs (but cant admit it to themselves).
Sorry it was rubbish date - fingers crossed for the next one.

This! He feels inferior and probably has issue with you having such an occupation which you worked your backside off for. He doesn’t like feeling small and not as important, bless him!

Clocksgobackautumngirl · 11/09/2025 18:31

He sounds really, really thick, massively insecure and extremely intimidated by you. What a loser.

ThePoliteLion · 11/09/2025 18:36

OP, I’m very sorry you had to put up with this utter dickhead. There are much nicer guys out there.
(I didn’t meet my partner until I was late thirties after years of bad dates)

spoonbillstretford · 11/09/2025 18:36

I'd tell him I found his honestly humour rather juvenile and don't believe we are compatible. In fact I'd have told him it's not at all funny on the night.

Finteq · 11/09/2025 18:46

brackenbury · 11/09/2025 12:18

God, that's so exhausting. Sorry to hear this. Thing is, if you're 'too openly unimpressed' - they could easily get abusive and angry. I've heard of too many DV cases. Honestly, being single and happy is no bad thing - society paints it as some tragic picture... it's not. Life is too short to deal with crap men.

Wow he sounds ds really thick

I'm surprised you're thinking of giving him a chance wow he sounded really thick

Glad you blocked him.

But if he keeps finding ypu to message consider whether you want to message him cos he doesn't seem to be getting the message.

And then if it continues whether you need to report him for harassment.

Evewiseowl · 11/09/2025 18:51

You’re a bright lass. Is this the first meeting with a Narcassist? Get well away, they mess with your head big time, insulting you, then say they were just joking and in the end you will think it’s you that has a problem NOT. Plenty of gentle fish out there. Dump like a smelly bag of poo he is.