Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

[brackenbury]

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

The "Where do you work? " comes across as quite aggressive and sounds like he wants to meet you to tell you off for having the temerity to block him.
And you have to drop what you are doing and meet him asap?

There's no I hope I haven't offended you. Are you ok or anything else.

I think you are wise to block and keep blocking on social media etc.. the last thing you want is this pig turning up at work.

And that's why it's never a good idea to give your real name to total strangers on the internet who may or may not be creeps, scammers or have MH issues.

Start calling him a Pedo back, presumably he won’t be offended…

Blocking on linked in and I think you can do it without them knowing

https://www.linkedin.com/help/linkedin/answer/a1338373

Also. I think you should tell someone at work to be on the safe side. And maybe get a friend to come with you when you leave in case he's hanging around.

Sorry I'm not saying that to frighten you but he sounds as thick as mince and may think he just needs to explain himself... so its better safe than sorry. I'm sure the message will sink in and he'll move on.

TBF I have had issues with exs who knew me from back in the dark ages before social media existed, on LinkedIn. Its a deeply problematic website in how public the information that is provided is.

Since he hasn't learned to hide how terrible he is, at least it should be obvious for his next date.

Some people are single for a reason!

Agree. I have a couple people, not exes or men, who make me hesitate about opening a linkedin but I do need to open one.

OP, I'm not a doctor, but I am an intelligent woman who once rebounded with a man who couldn't pronounce some of the course titles I was studying at the time. (I had rebounded to him from a very brilliant physicist, and I think I went too far the other way...) It was a disaster. He ended up shagging my housemate who was so clever she was able to convince him she wasn't iyswim. You deserve much better and I am sorry this happened to you. FYI people in 'sales' aren't particuarly clever as a rule, though they do think they are God's gift.

He’s definitely not worth a second date.

But for any future woman this twit comes into contact with, please tell him why you’re not pursuing a relationship with him.

It may just be the wake up call he needs

?

Oh he sounds absolutely dreadful, negging at a guess although no doubt he'd go for the it's only a bit of banter defence.

if he contacts you again I'd send a brief but snooty reply about the inappropriateness of calling you a pedo and that you didn't find it remotely witty. Nobody would.
im sorry you've had a horrible few years, hopefully things will get better for you from now on.

yes, but they were "ex's" for a reason, you had a relationship with them, they probably knew your family but these perfect strangers on the internet who you have zero references... giving your real name away is not the best idea, maybe once you've gone with the guy on a few dates and have a good feeling about him?

That is one hell of an inference. Perhaps 'ex' is too strong a word to use for my own examples, but I have had several previous brief romantic interests (very previous, from back in the pre-social media days) who wouldn't know what my parents names were, least of all have met them, try to add me on LinkedIn. Or email me at my work email after infering my email address from the organisation I worked at, as listed on LinkedIn. Often nearly 2 decades after I last saw them.

Creeps going to creep, and blaming women for not being 'diligent enough' to stop this behaviour is deeply misogynistic.

The issue is that somebody can follow you on LinkedIn without you 'accepting' a friend request, unlike other platforms, and unlike how LinkedIn worked when I signed up for it. This change happened years ago with little awareness of the impact this can, and does be seeming to have, on women.

@brackenbury this is yet another awful story - how horrible after the upset of losing your father and previous partner. It troubles me that he's tried, clearly against your obvious wishes, to reconnect with you - it smacks of harassment (possibly he's stung by the rejection) more than your everyday denseness - I hope this is the last you hear from him.

What do you take forward from this? I wondered if you have a dual SIM capable phone - perhaps consider using another SIM/eSIM (i.e. another number on your mobile phone) for setting up WhatsApp using the alternative number - you can always dispose of the number or replace it with another number - just to keep people you don't have good reason to fully trust, at arms length.

How did you connect with this guy in the first place - is it through an app you can log a complaint through? From this point on, I'd give as little away as possible for him to feed off - no explanations - just stay disconnected. It must be hard to put it completely out of mind and to even think positively about another date with anyone if that's what you want - but - as true as it is that there are some undesirable guys out there on the prowl, there are some perfectly decent ones too imho - and if you stop looking you'll never find any of them.

I was about to say the same. His responses to you during the date suggest he’s got a chip missing. Double check your profiles online and remove any photos or social media which could trace you to your workplace etc.

Walking red flag. What’s his job out of interest ? I wonder if less qualified academically and has a big fat chip on his shoulder.

Sounds like a reform voter.

what a nob !!! What’s his job ? Nothing g like as important as yours I bet . Block him move on not all blokes are nobs

He felt threatened by a woman who was cleverer and more successful than him.
He sounds an absolutely vile specimen of a human being. Just block him.

Hang on a sec. When people say 'block and move on', do they mean literally that? Like, ermmmm ghosting?

After spending a couple of weeks chatting and an evening together, if a guy didn't want to see me I'd fully expect him to text me and let me know. Blocking and moving on is awful - totally rejecting the other person, leaving them completely none the wiser about why. So cruel and really bad dating etiquette. Is it really what you mean?

Who gives a shit about 'etiquette' when they've been subjected to negging?

Txt him say f o and block

He’s prob so intimidated by you he tried to act like he wasn’t. I’d be irritated too & would dump him.

Oh god, he sounds awful. Why would you want to spend any more time with him?