Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

[brackenbury]

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

Wow. If he tried to embarrass me like that about my job I would have walked out during the date. What an idiot he sounds.

He's a persistent little gobshite isn't he? You shouldn't have to but tread carefully OP, he didn't like/take the very clear hint when you blocked him on Whatsapp.

He sounds so weird that I'd be concerned.

Can he find out online which hospital you work at? If so he sounds weird enough to turn up at the hospital.

I love @MILLYmo0se 's reply.

What do you do? OP - I'm a paediatrician
Thick as Mince - <Mind blown> 'ryhmes with paedophile!'

Because what else does one say to a Paediatrician??
There's absolutely nothing in this guy's head, he'd struggle to land a job let alone lead a sales dept. A complete buffoon, no depth, and no charm.

It just is dire out there. I've come off apps and am happily single. Even just browsing profiles, most are diabolical, maybe 1 in 100 who has put even the tiniest bit of effort into presenting himself decently in what he writes and the photos he's chosen. Out of those there are fewer who I think I have anything in common with, and fewer still who know how to have a basic getting to know you conversation.

If you do wish to continue online dating, Jennie Young is a fantastic lady who has created something called the Burnt Haystack dating method. Give her a follow on instagram, substack and join the facebook group. She teaches how to filter out the red flags in profiles so you don't waste your time with knobheads. His first mention of "paedo" in person would have had her ending the date.

Next time you come across some eejit like this, give yourself permission to walk away from the date.

When I was divorced and dating I lost track of the times that I walked out on rude, disrespectful guys who lacked even basic manners on a first date.

Honestly, I’d reply with the laughing emoji )or just react with that to his comment if the platform he used to message allows it) then block.

Sorry you had such a bad date. You deserve so much better than this persistent idiot - who incidentally, must have no insight whatsoever and should be spending the rest of his life cringing about what a twit he was. Hope that's the last you hear from him.

He's a man child with what sounds like an absolutely vile attitude towards women. God forbid a woman has an excellent career which she has trained extremely hard for - of course that means you need taking down a peg or two to spare his feelings of inferiority.
Block him ASAP

I know you don't owe him an explanation, but it might save you time if you say something like, "Unfortunately, we're not a match, so it's best if we leave it there. I wish you well".

Perhaps in his mind, the date went well and he's genuinely puzzled? After all, he doesn't sound as if he has a lot of self-awareness.

Perfect response! Please do this! Then block.

He felt intimidated by you being a doctor, to compensate for that he tried his best to put you down. Such a shame some people are like this as they feel inadequate.

Id be tempted to text and block

Dear Mr Disaster date,

Have spoken to a few of my close friends about your behaviour and they all came to the same conclusion, either you have a little willie or you just feel totally inadequate in life - not bothered which it is so will bloc and move on

@brackenbury Ugh the date sounds absolutely the most torturous thing to endure.
I would not contact him other than to say "thank you for meeting me the other night. I don't wish to take this further and wish you all the best". I would not entertain the mocking messages suggested by other posters and honestly doubt that you would do so anyway.

And I would scour my friendship group to see if they have single friends you might like to meet for dinner, with them, in the context of they have been vetted by these friends as appropriately functioning adults.

I no longer date but have daughters who do. The eldest just ditched anyone exhibiting red flags. She doesn't give a reason and says it's not her role to try and either fix or educate them. I think she's right.

Thanks for the update OP, which confirms two things:

• He has the self-awareness of a bump on a log, and
• You blocking and ignoring him is really bugging him ... GOOD! 😉😂

Enjoy your peace. xx

I still think he might have been autistic.

He's clearly insecure about your excellent job and feels threatened by it his behaviour is a huge red flag and I'd block him immediately

Definitely tell him the truth.

1. I think it’s important to write down who you want to meet, what they are like, then take the actions to meet them, knowing you will. Say no to people that aren’t right and move on. Max 1 - 2 dates if someone isn’t right. Honestly everything changed for me when I did that. I’d had enough and was thoroughly fed up. After years and years and years of things not working, I met my now husband within 2 months, moved in within 6, got engaged, married, etc
2. The second thing that’s crucially important is to always be honest. It’s powerful, cuts through rubbish and even creates connection. With this guy the first time he said that I might have smirked mildly out of surprise. After that I would have said what’s true ie: ‘I was looking forward to meeting you, but unfortunately you are making me feel uncomfortable with that comment.’ If he carried on. Continue being honest. ‘To be honest, I’m sorry, but I’ve now lost any respect I might have had for you.’ You can say it calmly. In that moment, he may snap out of it and say ie ‘I’m so sorry, I’m being a complete idiot, I’m nervous and trying to create connection with you.’ Then something would have shifted. Or he would have been offended or similar or you would have, and the date would have ended. / It’s never too late to be honest in this moment now. Text whatever is true and honest to him now. See what he says. It may shift. If not, say nice to meet you (or not, if it’s not true! :)) and move on. YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG IF YOU ARE HONEST. You will find more connection or find there is none.. and move on faster to meet your partner. Being honest you are always on the right track.

I worked with a dating coach to learn this. I told a friend of a family member in passing recently and now after years of not finding her partner, she did this and has met him.

Try applying it, don’t give up. Make a decision what your future partner is like, don’t be afraid to say yes or no, and always be honest!

I hope this helps x

See this is why I would have politely said I'm not interested rather than blocking without explanation. Something along the lines of "just to let you know I found your pedo comments really tiring and immature, this along with just not feeling the right connection, means I'd rather not take things any further. I wish you all the best." Remove the italics bit if you'd rather.
Yes in an ideal world we wouldn't have to appease men but I think better than leaving them potentially agitated by the silence and therefore more likely to pester you (as your date has indeed done).

And what's really telling about the ones who are too weak minded to answer, is that they don't even attempt to consult AI. 🙄🤣

I’ve read a comment on her him being potentially thick.

I’ve met up with someone who was not particularly bright. We had nothing in common but he was kind, good looking and fit.

I told him I didn’t think we were a match and he said he agreed. The key point is he had nothing nasty to say.

I think in this case this guy is an abusive AH.

I don’t think the OP should confront him about his behaviour because he’s likely to retaliate if he’s rejected. She needs to ghost him and move on.

I would have replied and said "calling a paediatrician a paedophile is totally inappropriate and not funny. It is clear that we would not be compatible due to your lack of intelligence" and then blocked him.

At 43 he's single for a reason

He sounds dire.

I have had encounters chatting (didnt meet) whereby they have insulted me, I have challeneged them and they continue to do it.

Another guy I saw for a few months and he was adament that calling me 'knobby ' was a sign of endearment. I told him I didnt like it. Continued !

If you find any decent sites, please let me know !.

There are decent ones out there (sis and bro in law met online, as have friends and their partners)

That's very good advice about being honest. It would cut through with a worthwhile person, and those who didn't respond well could be eliminated immediately. Too.many people dance around each other and waste time, inevitably knocking the interaction on the head further down the line.