Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

[brackenbury]

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

I would respond: Thank you but no - you were very rude and condescending which I find very unattractive, therefore there isn't any point trying to take this further.
Then block

He might have been doing that. Perfectly possible.

He could just be an absolute twat, or a massive stupid idiot, or a total cockwomble with an appalling sense of humour,

Paediatrician / paedo pun - 0.5/10 at best

Paediatrician / paedo pun when on a date trying to impress a paediatrician - a long way below 0.5/10

Reply to him and move on. Something like "Your repeated pedo joke was really boring. In my work as a paediatrician I meet lots of lovely young babies, children and young people who are going through horrible things and in my free time I really don't want to make light of the nightmares some of them live through. Pedo joking in general is a huge ick. Get some new material and in future don't take the piss out of your date's job, it's belittling and it's not a great way to start things off."

'Life is too short to deal with crap men.'

The Op summed it up well, I wish some of the Op's on other threads would realise / know the same.

It's not society that paints single women as tragic.

It's the patriarchy.

Sounds like he was jealous and used humour to deflect his feelings of inadequacy and to try and put you down. I imagine he likely has a VERY small penis.

Don’t waste any more time on him. He clearly is extremely immature and I also think probably intimated by your job so tried to make a joke of it. I don’t imagine this behaviour would stop there.
I would definitely call him out on it

First thing I learned with online dating was never do a meal for a first date. You're tied to waiting for food or waiting for a bill, etc.

Much easier to meet up for a drink (with the excuse that you're meeting friends later) to give you the option to leave quickly/early if you're not feeling it.

Better luck with the next one OP!

@brackenbury life is too short for crap men! This one sounds awful and like he never grew up. The sense of entitlement is staggering. I don't blame you for blocking him.

I will say though, whilst I'm in a very happy relationship now, I was on the apps for YEARS. One date talked non-stop about himself and then questioned me when I went to leave after two drinks. I still to this day regret not telling him why I left, though as others have pointed out, there's always the chance that they get nasty or worse.

You sound lovely though, and a great catch for any man. After everything you've been through, I hope you meet someone lovely when the time is right. Best of luck.

That's horrible. I wouldn't like that at all. Seems quite stupid and insensitive. I can imagine him continually saying this to you and friends/family. Not something I'd want to happen. He isn't right for you. Also hes just met you so should be on his best behavior, so God knows how he'll treat you when he's more comfortable! Bin him off and move on, you CAN do better.

Dont lose hope.

I did OND and met some bloody weird guys and some just plain idiots.

My now DH messaged me and I wasn't sure... but I am so glad I met him.... he was so different and much more mature than the other plonkers out there. He always said he met loads of crazy women but I was the one he fell for 🤣

You will need to meet some stupid, vile and idiotic men but there will be one meant for you.

Yes, it is this bad. Yes, you have to be very quick to weed out the weirdos. Yes, you have to be ready to block them quick!

Saying all that, I finally met the most amazing man and we are getting married next year. We have just about everything in common and it's probably the healthiest and happiest relationship I've had. So keep trying! I found Bumble was the best app (I'm in my 50s).

Oh that’s vile. Beyond immature. Either send a very scathing response or block. I teach French in a secondary school and have had men make suggestive remarks about that a couple of times, then they laugh at themselves. There is a dating website for professionals, but I can’t remember the name of it now. Good luck.

Urgh this man really is odious. You really do need water tight sieving methods with online dating, so you don’t end up meeting such troglodytes in person.

First post nails it.And should have been done on the first date. Honestly for a supposedly intelligent dr you're giving this a lot of headspace

He shortened it to P because he couldn’t spell it. I bet ya.

I agree with this. I also met my DH online. The last three weddings I attended, the couples met on tinder. There is hope!

This comment needs more love!

Seriously. Why why dont you match with other educated men. The 40 odd year old im finding are awful i just delete. Now the young 30s early 30s im 35 btw are fab.

Make your questions

What is the definition of a good man

How do you manage conflict.

What does masculinity mean to you.

If they say they cant answer or wont answer then you get shut. I had one acc say they couldn't answer and said my questions were to deep. I then said Well obviously the questions work then cause it helps me weed out the weak minded men.

Now the good men message and answer them and say how good of a question it is. Really insightful

What does this charmer do for a living? You are well rid of him and while it can be hard being alone there is nothing worse than being with a thick, nasty, abusive bloke. You sound lovely OP and I hope you met someone who respects and appreciates you

Acc sorry what does being a good man mean to you?

How do you define masculinity for yourself.

How do you handle conflict

I'd have walked out of the date and gone home the minute he started that bullshit. I am completely intolerant of it, then blocked him on everything. What a waste of space.
Still on the plus side at least you got the red flag on the first date not 6 months down the line.

Try and reframe it. He's shown you who he is early and you can move on swiftly without being conned, duped or gaslit later when he reveals true self. You've not wasted many hours of your precious time getting ready, going out, and investing in him.

If you want to send a scathing message and then block you absolutely can. It won't change him and he'll be aghast I'm sure as it was just "banter". Block and move on. Throw the hole man out with the rubbish!

I'm sorry you've had a stressful time. Thank you so much for all you do saving our babies and children 💟💗❤️💓💜

I don't get it. You do understand I save children's lives for living and I have to work with child survivors of sexual abuse. It's not funny, and not a cute nickname. It's actually really offensive. And I'm not in to dating someone who's main approach to dating is negging. Do better with the next victim of your poor taste humour.

Would be my response. And immediate block on all channels.

'your obsession with paedophilia and the fact it dominates your thoughts and conversation is frankly very concerning and you are not someone I want to spend any further time with', and block

I know you don’t ever owe anyone an explanation but I’d have taken a lot of pleasure in telling him how idiotic he is!