Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

[brackenbury]

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

Trying to control you from day one.

Mocking your work.

Referring to you with a term that surely describes what some of your young patients must have suffered?

Belittling you.

Continuing to do it when - because - he could see you were uncomfortable and offended.

Adolescent, clumsy, controlling, thick as mince.

Well blocked. There's billions of them out there.

He appears to favour the quick & dirty way of determining if you are going to be easy to control/subordinate!

Is his name Tim Nice-but-Dim? 😂

Theres a sketch in the Harry Enfield show where the character does exactly this.

I would tell him exactly why there won’t be a second date and then block and move on.
Don’t be disheartened. I had so much fun when I was dating and had really got into the swing of things after being single for a ridiculous amount of time and then I met my other half. I even had a WhatsApp group with my friends titled ‘FindingNeverland’s Dates’. I would update my friends on the group of potential dates and let them all know how it went. I remember one date going particularly bad, so I excused myself to go to the toilet and immediately sent out an SOS in the group asking for excuses to bail. In the end, I just told the guy I wasn’t interested, finished my drink and left.
Be straight with the guy, block and move on.

OP, I’m a Dr too. I’ll never forget going on a date with a man who said “doctors are the stupidest people I know”. He was living with his parents at the age of 40 and didn’t appear to work apart from some dodgy sounding “crypto” phone calls. It may even be the same man!

Exactly this. What an insecure and incredibly immature idiotic dickhead he must be.

What an immature twat

What a pathetic man-child.

I always think that honesty is the best policy, so go ahead and text him OP - and tell him exactly why you don't want a second date! Hopefully with a bit of feedback he'll realise that his "jokes" aren't funny at all.

Good call, OP. He's obviously of very low intellect. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

You should have cut him off at the first joke by explaining that they are similar words because they come from the same Greek root paidos meaning child - whilst staring at him with a completely humourless expression and then changing the subject completely

A friend told me about this once. She went on a first date and he spent the whole time putting her down. She is a strong, self confident woman. She straight out asked him why he would do that. He told her he gets off on putting women down. What a completely f’ed up little swamp monster.

Don’t let this little nothing piece of shit get to you. He clearly felt insecure and tried to bring you down to his level. Stay confident, strong and wonderful!

What an absolute arse.
You’re worth a million of him.

He sounds insecure and utterly repulsive. Continuing to persevere with a “joke” that has fallen flat doesn’t scream high EQ at all. You’d be better off collecting souvenir teaspoons (utterly pointless things) than continuing to communicate with this gnome. I am pleased to see your self respect is intact enough to not feel obliged to continue.

I don't understand why you didn't speak up right there at the time. Since you could tell this wasn't going anywhere, you could have said, "This is insulting, not humorous, and I don't appreciate your demeaning my profession."

But, sure, you should say something similar. If you just block him, he'll be puzzled and clueless. Say something like, "I appreciate the follow-up, but although I let it pass at the time, I felt you were juvenile and insulting about my career, and it's clear that this is an insurmountable obstacle."

OP ended the date early and didn't stay for dessert once he started repeating his crap joke. You can't argue with stupid and this guy was clearly very dim. Not worth OP's effort to point out where he's going wrong. That would only help him hide his dumbness on future dates with other women. It's best people see what a twat he is

You can't always find the words at the time and I've no doubt the op was gobsmacked that he didn't take hints, was completely unaware.

Op, just don't see him again, block him.

Please don't respond to his blandishments. He has the intelligence of a doorknob - but at least they're useful. Be really happy that you'll never look over and find him on the other pillow.

What a pelican?

What a pelican?
Yep!

Call him out on it. I can imagine the response will be along the lines of ‘ lighten up’ , ‘can’t take a joke’, ‘unclench’ and os on and so forth. But so what. U don’t intend to see him again so give him what for. He’s tried to undermine you as he feels threatened by you being academic. HIS problem. It may (unlikely) enter his pea head and it may (likely) not. However, it will give you the satisfaction that you stood up for yourself.

He clearly thinks he’s funny as fuck.

Not petty at all. It’s really dire out there for single women of a certain age. I’m just back on the dating scene myself and I am terrified I’m going to end up alone because I sure as hell won’t be with one of these men children.

So I blocked him last night on WhatsApp (which is the only platform on my device that we were communicating on).

He then iMessage-d me today AM saying: "????"

Two hours later he messaged again saying: "Where do you work? I'm WFH (strikes) and can meet you after work."

That's not even an 'invite' to a second date - and I'm most definitely not telling him which hospital I work at!!

I only saw the messages once I took a break from work.

I blocked him via iMessage - which means he can't text/call my phone at all. (Whereas blocking on WhatsApp just blocked him on that particular app).

That lack of awareness is something else altogether!

It really is painful out there, I am seriously considering remaining single. I had a man find the fact that had a "facial" utterly hysterical. He couldn't stop giggling and bringing it up. I was openly very unimpressed but it doesn't deter them. I could tell many similar stories

God, that's so exhausting. Sorry to hear this. Thing is, if you're 'too openly unimpressed' - they could easily get abusive and angry. I've heard of too many DV cases. Honestly, being single and happy is no bad thing - society paints it as some tragic picture... it's not. Life is too short to deal with crap men.