To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

[WhyWhyWhyDelulu]

Need MN perspective. Boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but have known each other for a lot longer. We don’t live together but are close.

Boyfriend’s DC are at a top public school and for various reasons he and his ex-wife can no longer afford the (expensive) fees for their DC3. They have already paid for DC 1&2 to complete the school. But without more money, youngest DC3 will be moving at the end of this year to do sixth form elsewhere.

Boyfriend is really upset, as is DC3. I have the means to meet the shortfall - should I do so?

For context, I have no relationship with DC3 (never met) this would completely and wholly be done as a favour to Boyfriend. My DC are through school and did not go to private school at all. However, I did go to private school and various people helped my parents out with fees, so this feels like karma.

YABU - this is a BF problem only and DC3 will be fine
YANBU - education is a gift and this will not be wasted

Honestly, paying into education isn’t that wild. But I do hear you all!

Yes, for your own kids or kids you're close to! Not the kids of a boyfriend of 1 year!

Your boyfriend must think he's landed on his feet! What else are you bankrolling him for?

Can't buy me love... 🎶

You might point out to your boyfriend that, if his DD has university in mind, she might find that university admissions have been known to look more kindly on students who acquired their A-levels at a state sixth-form college, when filling diversity quotas. This is a dodge not unknown to which they are becoming wise, which some parents do, despite being able to continue with school fees.
I doubt this will hold much sway, but as you know so little about the girl, who can tell?
It's not as if you have known her, and seen her progress through her education, and have some inkling of what her aspirations for adult life and career are.
Rather, I think you are helping to fund his early retirement, whilst ensuring that he "can't afford" to make a full CMS contribution.

Or reduce his outgoings.

You say he has part retired, so surely there is an option for him to work more to earn what is needed.

If they don't have money for the school fees, what would be next? Help with trips, uniforms, university?

That is a LOT of money for school fees for however many years. It would be worse for DC3 to have to move because you and your BF broke up.

I can feel bad for DC3 and your BF without thinking that you should pay for them.

I would have loved my child to go to a top university, but I couldn't afford it, so it was what it was. They managed and are not scarred and I would never have thought to ask people I knew with money to "help" or even hint at it.

As other posters have mentioned. Your BF could get some part-time work to make up the shortfall, or decrease expenses in other places.

I just fear that it could set his other DC up to feel they should get some benefit also. Even if you try and keep it between you and your BF, it will come out at some point.

Could his DC3 get some help through the school towards paying the fees, since it sounds like private schools have helped others like this?

WHAT?! Your boyfriend is party retired and devastated about not being able to pay his sons sixth form school fees.

there is a simple solution here. He gets a full time job and earns more money for 2 years.

Have to agree with the others. He’s semi retired so he goes back to work and earns the money to send his son to school

How much is the shortfall?
Is this a gift or a loan?

No way. Will probably do him good to do sixth form elsewhere to be honest.

100% don't do it. Your BF's children are not your responsibility especially 1 you have never met. If you break up it leaves you in a bad situation.

You would be crazy to entertain this, you are mostly likely to never see the money again. It’s not just tuition it’s exam fees / trip fees and likely uniform yes even for 6th Form. It’s a never ending tap with 20% vat on top to boot.

its down to the parents or their family.

youre only a year in and you don’t live with each other / legally bonded.

A year?? Absolutely not! I’ve had a longer relationship with my dustbin man! If you were married, maybe but certainly not after dating a year unless you just want to burn your money! Not your husband, not your child, not your problem…sorry, but so many things could go wrong such as you breaking up and never seeing your money again! Nope…

What a load of actual bullsh*t! My DD went to a regular 6th form at an average school and achieved 3 A stars in Biology, Chemistry and Maths. no tutors, no fancy private schools. She's got one more year at Uni studying Chemistry and she's near the top of her year. Your BF cannot seriously be 'devastated' because his kid has to choose a different (free) 6th form! Plus obviously don't just gift them the money - that's crazy.

If I was your kids and getting to bee you pay fees for a boyfriend of a year DC and dis not send me to private school I would be very resentful

Personally, I think it's a lovely gesture. I think it depends how much that money means to you - as in, are you going to struggle without it? Is it just disposable income? If you split up with your BF, would you begrudge having paid it?
I think it's really generous and karma is absolutely real. But don't put yourself at hardship to do it.

No, it would place your BF under some kind of obligation to you, and possibly cause problems in the future.
What if you split up, would you continue to fund the schooling for the following year?
I think the State school should be just fine.

No and no and oh hell no

I don’t understand why the parents don’t just apply to the schools bursary scheme, if they really are struggling, usually the school will want to help students that are already in the school.

You’d pay for a boyfriend’s child (a child you barely have a relationship with but didn’t pay for your own kids to go to private school?

You’re going to change the dynamics of your relationship. He’ll be indebted to you , so what if you argue or he wants to split ?

Term and sixth form have already started. The parents should contact the school rather than move a pupil. Schools have bursaries/contingency for all sorts of situations and they should be able to help in some way.

Even if you were married,I would say don't pay
Why would you want to cause upset to your own children,as you didn't pay for them ,but are paying for a random child you've never met ..madness

I was gonna say it's your money and if u can afford it then that's entirely up to, which is still is, but seeing that u also have kids that went to state school, absolutely big no no! If my mum had done that I would think it would have really affected our relationship