To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

[WhyWhyWhyDelulu]

Need MN perspective. Boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but have known each other for a lot longer. We don’t live together but are close.

Boyfriend’s DC are at a top public school and for various reasons he and his ex-wife can no longer afford the (expensive) fees for their DC3. They have already paid for DC 1&2 to complete the school. But without more money, youngest DC3 will be moving at the end of this year to do sixth form elsewhere.

Boyfriend is really upset, as is DC3. I have the means to meet the shortfall - should I do so?

For context, I have no relationship with DC3 (never met) this would completely and wholly be done as a favour to Boyfriend. My DC are through school and did not go to private school at all. However, I did go to private school and various people helped my parents out with fees, so this feels like karma.

YABU - this is a BF problem only and DC3 will be fine
YANBU - education is a gift and this will not be wasted

Right. She's an absolute mug, just another woman putting a boyfriend before her own kids.

No, just no. You don't have a connection with the kid and you haven't been together all that long with your boyfiend. I say this as someone with children in private school. Save for retirement. If they're upset, they're upset. It's a huge expense that you shouldn't shoulder.

This.

What’s so shocking about this thread is how many posters appear to have fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

Your DP can afford it. He just doesn’t want to. If he did he would go back to work full time. This is not your problem to solve, especially when they have a solution at their fingertips.

OP has said:

'BF part-retired anticipating comfortably seeing his DC through school but divorce, VAT and other fee increases has challenged this. It is too much for him.'

Surely, if he is as 'devastated' as OP says, he would go back to full-time work until his child finishes 6th form.

People don't normally retire when they still have school-aged children, particularly if the children are in a very expensive private school.

You BF is semi-retired? Well, there is the answer. He comes out of retirement or gets a second, part time job to fund his child. If he is that bothered. Or maybe, as your children are apparantly more successful than his after not going to private school, he doesn't think it is worth him making that effort. Either way, no way should you pay and you must be cock struck to entertain the idea for a second.

This exactly.
In the scheme of things (3 kids put through private school) £5k per parent is not a lot to find over 2 years.
Mr Semi-Retired could use some of his spare time to earn an extra £48 a week. That's 4h at NMW.

Yes. How many times on mn have people lent money to friends and relatives, because they’re broke, and then they’re seen squandering it on non essentials.

Another poster described her as ‘cock blind’.

Sounds like she’s desperate to please this part-retired man for some reason.

But the OP is not a bank. If her boyfriend wants a loan why not let him take one through the usual channels?

Why do women, even for a second, consider things like this. Even if he's your husband, if he and his ex can't afford the fees its a non starter. Don't pay someone elses bills especially when they have chosen something they can't afford. This is just a boyfriend of a year planting the notion you could pay a large sum of money to service his family choices. Don't be such a fool! and reconsider the relationship while your at it. You might think this is your idea but its been presented in a way to pull the heartstrings to make you even consider this. Love and commitment can't be bought don't be a cash cow.

I'm up for blaming the Chancellor for pretty much anything and everything; from the state of the economy to whether it's raining. But, the VAT on school fees has been mooted for some time, and your Boyfriend only works part-time which quite frankly is the bigger issue.

He had a plan to retire early. He's now using you to fund that, rather than accepting that the plan isn't viable and getting off his arse and going back to work.

What sort of physically demanding role pays enough to send 3 kids money to top private schools? He's unlikely to be any sort of tradesman.
The only other sort of physically demanding job i can think of would be a farmer who don't generally become semi-retired

I'll bet he's driving around in some sort of flash car. He'll not be in a 10yo fiesta. But whats even worse hes likely to want to keep up appearances, so will replace it at some point over the next two years.

I'd also bet he'll still be holidaying like he's always done.

There's a reason why he's in the middle of a divorce. Is he semi-retired to reduce his CSA payments?

Ops an absolute mug if she pays this, regardless of how many hints he's given.

Not your problem to solve

Reminds me of the post the other day where the GF had stopped doing nice treats out with her BF and they were staying in to help his finances, rather than her bailing him out. Much more helpful and sensible.

If OP wants to help him, look at joint lifestyle changes so he can afford to live within his means. If he doesn't like that you know you're just the purse.

Absolutely!

You can guarantee that he won't be tightening his belt that much.

If money really was tight he'd be going back to work full-time.
And maybe I'm just a cynic but id bet he's parttime to spite his ex and dodge paying child maintenence.

Op don't be a mug. Hes just a tight miserable git, there's a reason hes divorced

As you have absolutely zero connection with this young person, you’d be most unwise to just shell out. Surely there are 4 Grandparents of young person who could help?

Man who can afford to live alone on a part time income can't fathom how to increase that income by £50 a week? Seriously?

If your BF is part retired, could he not go back to work for the two years of sixth form?

If he's partly retired, can't he go back to work full time to pay for his child's education? What about the child's mother, does she work full time or is she, too, partly retired?

People come out of retirement for all different types of reasons. Life happens. He needs to work full time and fund his child's own private education, not complain and put the guilt in motion on OP shoulders.

I was privileged enough to be privately educated and think the benefits are considerable. If I was in your position and I could afford to pay it forward, so to speak, I would. You never know, this child might be a human rights barrister in 20 years - and you’ll have free legal advice on tap for the rest of your life.

lol. What a crock.

I wouldn’t entertain offering the money. If BF and EXW don’t have to pay private school fees then that money could be set aside for enrichment activities outside of sixth form or saved for university, or both.