To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

[WhyWhyWhyDelulu]

Need MN perspective. Boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but have known each other for a lot longer. We don’t live together but are close.

Boyfriend’s DC are at a top public school and for various reasons he and his ex-wife can no longer afford the (expensive) fees for their DC3. They have already paid for DC 1&2 to complete the school. But without more money, youngest DC3 will be moving at the end of this year to do sixth form elsewhere.

Boyfriend is really upset, as is DC3. I have the means to meet the shortfall - should I do so?

For context, I have no relationship with DC3 (never met) this would completely and wholly be done as a favour to Boyfriend. My DC are through school and did not go to private school at all. However, I did go to private school and various people helped my parents out with fees, so this feels like karma.

YABU - this is a BF problem only and DC3 will be fine
YANBU - education is a gift and this will not be wasted

Good points. Don't pay the "BF" directly.

I think op was saying that this kids is average. Not a wizz.

She actually says he is “not a whizz”, and hence has worse career prospects than her own DC.

For a man you’ve been in a relationship with for a year? No way!

How old is your bf and how old are you and your children?

If it’s only for 2 years and your bf is “semi-retired” is it not feasible for him to pick up a bit more work just until his last child is through school?

I think you sound lovely & generous. I’m just worried the child’s father isn’t doing much to find the money (except moan to his richer gf!)

It was a hard no from me before reading your own personal perspective. If it is something you want to do to help out and in a way "repay" or acknowledge the team contribution to your education then by all means go ahead.

I assume you are a intelligent woman who is aware of their financial situation and won't be overly inconvenienced by this financially.

My only warning would be this could drastically change the dynamics of your relationship in a negative way.

Oh sorry.
It's all weird anyway. Her money, her lookout.

They were irresponsible to put three children in a top public school if they couldn’t cope with that kind of increase.

Also, it’s not all or nothing. They could put the child in a cheaper private school for sixth form.

I would not! You could break up next month and have given him thousands. Just don’t.

What happens if you pay the money, OP and the BF splits up with you, would you be ok with that?

No way OP. If it were life-saving surgery, then sure, but private schooling is very much a luxury more than 90% of the population does just fine without.

This is one of the daftest things I've read on here.
A boyfriend you've been dating for a year?!
Jeez your poor kids. Their own education is a red herring.
I also had a good grammar education like your kids, and I'd have definitely been pissed off to discover my mam had chucked £20k away so that some deadbeat dad doesn't have to bother going back to FT hours.

Honestly get a grip

It’s kind of you to think of this OP. But honestly, lots of children move out of private school to state for 6th form for many reasons (even more with VAT increase). They will be fine! Your boyfriend should also get himself together- it’s really not the end of the world.

I think this emotion is clouding your judgement. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to give him the money. They’ll figure something out.

Depends how wealthy you are. If you can afford to say goodbye to this money without any hope of return, and it won't impact your future financial security, and you want to do so, then you could do so. Personally, even if I had the money, I'd be a bit dubious, especially if I'd never met the child. (Why haven't you?) So many things to consider. What would mother (and child!) feel about you paying? What would the alternative be? State school, or a minor public school? If he's already started at the top school then transfers within the private system, he may find that hard, it may let him in for ridicule or bullying. Is he academically gifted? Have they enquired with the school if there are any bursaries or scholarships he mught be eligible for?

You have to ask about the balls of a man who would ask a GF of a year that he isn't serious enough about to have introduced her to his kids to ask for £10 grams so him and the ex wife dont need to cut back.

You’re not offering to pay for a life changing operation or charitable deed, you’re considering paying for private schooling that is totally unnecessary. They’ll do fine at a state school, it’s a complete waste of your money.

Could be £30-40k....

Thanks

This is not about the value of money, education etc. It's about you being so naive that you think this is a good idea . But go ahead if you want to!

This guy saw you coming

Yes, I'm thinking the same.

It sounds nuts to me.
If he fails his A levels then thats money completely down the drain.

It also blurs the boundaries of your relationship.
You might think your kids are doing ok but you never really know whats round the corner. Illness, injury or a happy accident that means they need a bit of financial support

You’d be better off giving the money to your own dc for house deposits.

If you do give it, then get a properly drawn up loan agreement. One year is too soon to give money away.

Yep.

He's "semi retired, aka underemployed, but all broken up that he and ex can't afford private school....

Sure, Jan.

You would be absolutely mental. 2 years of private fees for a kid you have never met who is the child of someone that you have been seeing a year?unless you literally have £10m free then give your head a wobble