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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teacher here... did I fuck up?

164 replies

ForSillyGreySwan · 10/09/2025 16:55

I went through my classroom rules.

  1. don't argue with my instructions
  2. treat me with the same respect as a male teacher (had sexist comments last year)
  3. phones handed in at start
  4. don't talk while i'm explaining
(I am a young female teacher who doesn't want to encounter any behavioural issues so i'm being firm from the start.)

I said 'if you have an issue with any of these rules, feel free to discuss them with the principal'.

In short, one of them actually did and now I'm being called into a meeting about it with the very principal I referred them to. Meeting is at 10am tomorrow. Really anxious about it.

OP posts:
WorkCleanRepeat · 10/09/2025 19:58

40andlovelife · 10/09/2025 17:28

I am surprised. Most kids would listen and it would either go in one ear and out the other or they would just forget about the conversation after class anyway.

It’s weird the kid went to the principal instead of getting on with their day and socialising with their mates. If it was my child I would be telling them to get a grip.

My kids would have just rolled their eyes and got on with there day too, but you are always going to get somebody that's either pedantic or takes things very literally.

Heck I work with grown adults and I can guarantee if I said something similar one of them would have marched to the MD for a chat as id suggested.

WonderfulSmith · 11/09/2025 12:54

So how was the meeting?

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 10:26

Spill the tea OP!

Robin67 · 12/09/2025 10:31

These all sound reasonable to me. I can't imagine who has taken issue or why. But if it is not an anonymous complaint, at least it lets you know which kid/ parent will be "one of those" going forward.

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 13:16

Robin67 · 12/09/2025 10:31

These all sound reasonable to me. I can't imagine who has taken issue or why. But if it is not an anonymous complaint, at least it lets you know which kid/ parent will be "one of those" going forward.

I'd be proud if one of my children had the foresight to go to the Principal about a complaint they had. It shows intelligence, strength of will, and an appropriate and effective way to word a complaint. It sounds like a very mature thing to do.

It's the little brats who swear, goad, disrespect rules and boundaries that are the problem. You bet your bottom dollar their parents never said NO to them or sent them to their room. Personally, I think discipline should be kept primarily to the responsibility of the parents but I do think that given teaching staff have a role of care giver for 6+ hours a day, 5 days a week, boundaries should be established and robustly enforced.

The problem with the OP is that they approached the establishing of boundaries in entirely the wrong way. It's when boundaries are breached that you have to be firm and frosty, not before. Otherwise they'll take the mentality of "may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb", which basically means if we are going to be treated like dirt, there may as well be a reason for it. The OP didn't afford the decencies that they probably would if speaking to a group of adults, so how the heck can they expect pupils to act maturely if they feel targeted from the beginning?

Schools are supposed to make the child ready for working life and employable. Would a business employ someone who spoke to people in a professional setting the way the OP does? I certainly wouldn't. Leadership is about setting a firm but respectful tone, not a standoffish "come on, challenge me, I dare you" tone.

I had a teacher at primary school who used to speak to us firmly but respectfully. He treated us as an adult workforce effectively, he gave us respect but expected it in return and guess what, he got it. Much more so than the shouty, bitter, grudgeholding teachers who seemed to constantly find their time spent more on conflict than actually educating and undetaking a lesson in the specified subject.

And on second thoughts, I'd actually feel a bit creeped out if back when I was a child, a teacher had said "follow my instructions, don't question them"...I'd feel trapped and as though I wouldn't be able to speak up if I felt something was wrong.

I am calling in to question if the OP is in the right mindset to be a teacher. They sound very immature (e.g. holding grudges from previous students from the previous term, 6 weeks ago), and on some sort of video-game inspired power trip. The primary objective of being a teacher is to educate. It's to allow and encourage pupils to open their minds, to discover, to be creative and to flourish. The OP seems more concerned with her personal feelings about some hurty words from earlier in the year. The standard of teaching and the standard of parenting has fallen drastically over recent years. No one has any respect or accountability any more.

Some children are out of control and that's a result of the parent failing to ensure discipline and also probably a product of the garbage agendas the school pushes on to them and the inadequacy of new recruit staff who are of a similar ilk generation where they only care about what the job can bring for them, not what they can bring for their job. Laziness often comes in to it as well. Our ancestors would be horrified at how society has fallen. Even standards of attire has fallen. When I was at school in the 2000s, the staff used to make an effort to be smart, pin striped skirts, blazer and tie for the males, some of the females wore woollen jumpers but these were usually matched with smart trousers. And when I worked at a school, standards were lower but still there. I see videos of staff with tattoos etc on show, dyed pink or green hair. How the heck is that setting an example of what's acceptable in the work place? People are joining the teaching profession for all of the wrong reasons and no doubt being allowed in to fulfil a box ticking quota.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 12/09/2025 13:19

Is handing phones in a school policy? If it’s not then I think you can’t just decide to do that in your classroom.

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 13:25

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 12/09/2025 13:19

Is handing phones in a school policy? If it’s not then I think you can’t just decide to do that in your classroom.

I wonder what the legal ramifications could be for that? If the parents haven't signed an agreement for confiscation, it could be deemed as theft. It's also rather creepy to think that basically a stranger could be reading our children's messages to us...including any ones regarding personal problems. I wouldn't want my teacher reading messages I sent to my mum when I was 13/14. This is why all schools should have audio/video cameras in class rooms and the footage should be immediately accessible to all parents. We need to see what's going on when we leave our kids with these people in a room for 6+ hours a day.

MrsHamlet · 12/09/2025 17:08

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 13:25

I wonder what the legal ramifications could be for that? If the parents haven't signed an agreement for confiscation, it could be deemed as theft. It's also rather creepy to think that basically a stranger could be reading our children's messages to us...including any ones regarding personal problems. I wouldn't want my teacher reading messages I sent to my mum when I was 13/14. This is why all schools should have audio/video cameras in class rooms and the footage should be immediately accessible to all parents. We need to see what's going on when we leave our kids with these people in a room for 6+ hours a day.

How have you got from handing phones into a box to teachers reading messages on those phones???

I think that rule is batshit but I think that's a reach.

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 22:02

MrsHamlet · 12/09/2025 17:08

How have you got from handing phones into a box to teachers reading messages on those phones???

I think that rule is batshit but I think that's a reach.

It's a possibility. There used to be an online student portal back when I was at school and one teacher told me he's allowed to read what I have on there and also look at all of my saved pictures on my computer log in at the school.

MrsHamlet · 12/09/2025 22:05

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 22:02

It's a possibility. There used to be an online student portal back when I was at school and one teacher told me he's allowed to read what I have on there and also look at all of my saved pictures on my computer log in at the school.

Well yes - we can access everything on the student area. That's in the user agreement they sign.

A personal mobile is entirely different.

Greengagesnfennel · 12/09/2025 22:10

these are teenagers.

I imagine it’s the phone rule they have complained about.

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 22:27

Greengagesnfennel · 12/09/2025 22:10

these are teenagers.

I imagine it’s the phone rule they have complained about.

Sadly, the OP never returned with her findings from the meeting.

WonderfulSmith · 12/09/2025 22:29

This reply has been deleted

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RoseAlone · 13/09/2025 01:39

They should have issues with all but number 4 to be honest. The rest really aren't good. Best have a rethink.

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