Teacher here... did I fuck up?

[ForSillyGreySwan]

I went through my classroom rules.

1. don't argue with my instructions
2. treat me with the same respect as a male teacher (had sexist comments last year)
3. phones handed in at start
4. don't talk while i'm explaining

(I am a young female teacher who doesn't want to encounter any behavioural issues so i'm being firm from the start.)

I said 'if you have an issue with any of these rules, feel free to discuss them with the principal'.

In short, one of them actually did and now I'm being called into a meeting about it with the very principal I referred them to. Meeting is at 10am tomorrow. Really anxious about it.

I am surprised. Most kids would listen and it would either go in one ear and out the other or they would just forget about the conversation after class anyway.

It’s weird the kid went to the principal instead of getting on with their day and socialising with their mates. If it was my child I would be telling them to get a grip.

Why? What's wrong with blunt?

You’re not a teacher then?

There's a way to express things. If a teacher doesn't communicate in a respectful, nuanced manner with students they can hardly expect respect and nuance in return -- and I say that as a teacher.

Making assumptions about behaviour and attitudes based on someone being a student is just as much prejudice as making assumptions about someone's behaviour and attitudes because they are of a particular nationality or religion.

Some students are difficult; some adults are difficult. Not all Treating a group like you expect the worst of it is a terrific way to get your expectations fulfilled.

Yep, it’s not about being lenient, it’s about establishing boundaries respectfully.

I definitely would have worded #2 differently.

1. Phones to be handed in at the start
2. We treat each other with respect
3. Instructions are to be followed carefully (covers no. 4)
4. Hands up if you have questions about the task

And I wouldn't have suggested they could go straight over my head if they had an issue

@ForSillyGreySwan this. I'm surprised as a young teacher that your training apparently didn't promote positive behaviour management and presenting things from an expectation that pupils will behave well in the first instance.
E.g. 'Rules' - immediately alienating.

Would you please:

1. Show respect for everyone in the class and for what you are being asked to do
2. Let whoever is speaking or explaining finish without interrupting
3. Hand in phones at the start of the lesson

Says the same but much less likely to aggravate. I suspect your principal may want to address your behaviour management approach and hopefully offer some support/mentoring.

I don't understand why you said for them to speak to the head about your rules? If they don't know about them and may not back you up.

You said to speak to them and they have done. All are fine except the wording could be less aggressive. And no mention of male teachers. Just 'we treat eachother with mutual respect in this class' is fine.

Sensible rules

Id be tempted to add - dont be a dick
But then you would get fired

I think the list of rules, rule 2 especially, are your well needed armour. (Are you at an inner city school?) If the principal doesn't back you up then they are the problem.

I'm pretty sure @Hercisback1 is a teacher.

As am I and I agree. If you go in to a new class, you need to start from a baseline of assumed mutual respect - not start with the assumption that they're going to disrespect you. Kids resent that, and rightly so.

There’s nothing wrong with your rules. It could be about number 3. They should back you up anyway.

And why isn't your school policy 'No phones' anyway?

You are too aggressive op, way too much. The language you are using in your post is not reflecting well either. You can’t hammer them into respecting you.

Why on earth did you start like this? That's absolutely not the strategy that you learned during training.
You don't have rules. The school has a behaviour code which you uphold. This is supported by the pastoral system and the SLT.
I'm guessing you're not in the UK and not in a state school?

How frustrating for you . My DD is in a class with a new young female teacher , and in the first lesson the (ks4) boys were whistling and making inappropriate comments about and to her. I really wish it wasn’t necessary to be explicit re respecting female teachers in the same way, but this seems to be a real thing in schools.

I don't understand the system with phones. Do they hand them in to each teacher at the beginning of every lesson?
Crazy system.

I am a teacher too, this is fine. Nothing to worry about. But so you know teaching is toxic they will find something.

Personally I find no 2 an odd one and think it would be better as 'i will be treated with respect' and make clear what the repercussions are for disrespectful comments or behaviours, sexist or otherwise. Being a former smart Alec myself I would have seen that as an open door since I probably would have been an arsehole to male teachers too

I think maybe when you said

"I said 'if you have an issue with any of these rules, feel free to discuss them with the principal'."

You meant it as a threat.

I think that maybe when you were putting out such a lot of negativity, they decided that the principle was a safer person to talk to.

I think maybe you need to paint a picture of what a good class looks like and tell them that you believe in their ability to do that.

Having said that, I'm home schooling and it's hard. I get it totally. Teaching is very difficult to do gracefully.

That's exactly why this approach went out about 25 years ago!

The Principal will remind you that there are school rules and behaviour policies that are agreed by leaders and staff and ratified by the trustees/governors.

Are your rules the same as these? If not you are going against agreed school policy which leads to inconsistency and confusion.

You can't just ‘go it alone’.

As a teacher for many years, I think it was unfortunate to tell them to treat you with the same respect as a male teacher. I know some utterly awful male teachers, equally some great with classroom management female teachers.

Having said that, take a notepad with you and make notes of what the principal says, repeat anything you’re unsure of or anything that makes you go ‘what?!’ I’d repeat back what he says so there’s no confusion. Tell him exactly what you said, don’t try to change any meanings.

Going forward, establish your own routines, observe as much as you can (known strong teachers) and be consistent with following the school’s discipline policy.

Exactly this ⬆️