Teacher here... did I fuck up?

[ForSillyGreySwan]

I went through my classroom rules.

1. don't argue with my instructions
2. treat me with the same respect as a male teacher (had sexist comments last year)
3. phones handed in at start
4. don't talk while i'm explaining

(I am a young female teacher who doesn't want to encounter any behavioural issues so i'm being firm from the start.)

I said 'if you have an issue with any of these rules, feel free to discuss them with the principal'.

In short, one of them actually did and now I'm being called into a meeting about it with the very principal I referred them to. Meeting is at 10am tomorrow. Really anxious about it.

Experienced teacher here. By listing your ‘rules’ on first meeting you are inviting the students to challenge them and see how far they can push you. Who advised you to do this? You’ve put yourself in a difficult position virtually accusing them of unreasonable behaviour before they’ve done anything wrong.
Another time if you want to set classroom rules, you could ask the students to work in groups to come up with their own rules, discuss them as a class, vote on them and pick the top five then make decorative posters for the classroom. If they agree the rules themselves they are more likely to keep them. You can give pointers (eg phone rules). This is less likely to get their backs up. Your attitude seems a bit defensive and might give the impression you are expecting them to behave badly. Having said that, your principal will hopefully understand your concerns and will back you up.

You didn’t fuck up. I think you’re reading too much into it, I’m sure it’s just a case of the kid speaking to the Head, and the Head then following the logical next step in speaking to you to just clarify the situation. Try not to worry

U r due in for a meeting tomorrow

if it gets to heavy, just ask for your union rep to be present.

you can’t be seen now to back down, you said your inner most feelings, now it’s out there. Live it.

dont be scared, plenty of cover etching work that will find your attitude refreshing

Behaviour management is a lot about psychology. If you assume they will be badly behaved, they have nothing to lose by being badly behaved. You also put a lot of ideas in their head. You have told them that previous classes have disrespected you and you have implied that they are sexist.That will really annoy them which is probably why they took up your suggestion of going to the headteacher.

if i asked you your name does that also mean im accusing you of never having told anyone your name? not very bright comment

Sounds very authoritarian.
is the phone rule a whole school rule?
I think students should be able to politely question/ challenge instructions.

school wide rule. nope. i dont get into arguments with students, its a waste of class time and unfair on other kids. they're here to learn not watch naughty kids try to antagonise teachers

How have you managed to name change mid thread, I didn’t think you could do that anymore?

I think your rules would be better telling them what they should be doing rather than what they shouldn’t.

This is interesting:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c80gvm3vxr1o

In your meeting with the Head, just explain that you will uphold the expectations and code of behaviour decided by the Leadership and the Governors and communicated to parents. You didn't mean to have your own code which you then told students to refer to the Principal if they had a problem.
Perhaps just observe an experienced member of staff and their classroom management. Take it from there. What are your targets for observation?

Honestly as a teacher I find your rules quite negative. They are absolutely what you would expect children to do but its how you frame it.
I always set it out as class charter, co create rules in a positive, rights respecting environment. This allows you to then weave in conversations about respect, listening, safe behaviours and make it more about your expectations rather than a list of orders.
Is the phone rule a school policy or are you creating a rule about this?

Teacher here
the only way you messed up was telling the class they had the option you could speak to the head ….honestly that’s just a green light for kids to go and do it and cause problems.
there is literally nothing wrong with your rules and the kids will know this

Experienced teacher here - if a student came to me and said, “Ms X has accused us all of being sexist” (which is probably how they phrased it to the Head), I would definitely want to find out exactly what prompted it. If this had gone to the head then he would want to check in with you to make sure we haven’t missed any specific incidences of sexist behaviour from your students that should have been addressed. Maybe your principal really wants to make sure there isn’t a wider issue here that he needs to be clamping down on. It might not be a disciplinary conversation, but a wellbeing check.

I'm guessing it was all about the delivery. You are striking a pretty defensive, verging on aggressive tone here. Not surprised you got their backs up really.

Eh?

Are you a teacher? Many young female teachers are faced with targeted sexual harassment and misogyny and sometimes sexual assault. It is a problem many schools pretend doesn’t exist.
One of my young and lovely colleagues (one of the best teachers I have ever come across) was targeted like this and it was very difficult for her to deal with and embarrassing to be targeted in that way by children. She always wore trousers and a shirt so couldn’t be described as dressing in a way that would “ invite” such comments.(not that it should make a difference how she dressed)
I think it does need to be made explicit.

You came here asking for advice, but your responses have been very defensive, dismissive and rude. While I do not see a problem with setting your own classroom rules, I agree with @enwarall that yours carry negative connotations and could provoke rebellion from certain students.

I don't think you're in a position to question someone's brightness.

It certainly should be at your school! For female staff and female students. There should be a sanction for sexism and misogyny, surely?
The teacher should use the sanction. It's a pity this isn't the case at your school. The SLT should be held to account on this.

If I was a cynical person I might think that more than one poster on this thread might be the students of the op.

hahahaa

I agree in principle, and I understand how this sort of thing happens but the problem here seems to be the phrasing.

‘I won’t accept sexist comments’ (when none have been made yet) pre-judges the students in front of her and could be seen to be antagonistic. Some students may even, unfortunately, view that as a challenge, perceiving a worry about that specific behaviour and then rising to it.

vs

’Respect is very important in my classroom and I expect students to show respect to me and one another.’

As the OP is concerned about sexist comments, she could even discuss some examples of respect linked to behaviours, but keep it depersonalised and a bit more general.

’One example of being respectful is following my instructions. Another is being quiet when a classmate is contributing. Another is that we treat one another equally and fairly regardless of any differences between us.’

Even better, ‘we’ statements - suggests that everyone is on the same side and depersonalises at a stage where things haven’t yet gone wrong. ‘In this school/in my class, we treat one another with respect…’ etc.

If things do go wrong, then the teacher refers back to the above expectations and has grounds to become more specific, e.g. ‘Remember, respect is very important in my classroom and that comment was disrespectful because it was sexist’.

@ForSillyGreySwan I would normally expect a head of department to pick this up with you and give you some advice, ideally not by putting in a meeting that you would worry about overnight, but just finding a time to address it. Unless you’re in a very small school, with no other real leadership positions, this doesn’t seem like a principal-level issue to me. Lots of teachers get this sort of thing slightly wrong early in their careers.

If it's the second one I'd be accusing you of being sexist yourself tbh. Why would you be even flagging that you could ever be considered to be less worthy of respect than a male teacher?

Or it's someone wondering what the insurance policy is on stolen or damaged phones in your possession.

Can you explain how you managed to name change on the thread?

Sometimes blunt is ok but when your trying to build relationships with students being blunt and coming across negative is not a good start

Yes, that's the oddest system for phones I've come across! Asking for trouble.