Teacher here... did I fuck up?

[ForSillyGreySwan]

I went through my classroom rules.

1. don't argue with my instructions
2. treat me with the same respect as a male teacher (had sexist comments last year)
3. phones handed in at start
4. don't talk while i'm explaining

(I am a young female teacher who doesn't want to encounter any behavioural issues so i'm being firm from the start.)

I said 'if you have an issue with any of these rules, feel free to discuss them with the principal'.

In short, one of them actually did and now I'm being called into a meeting about it with the very principal I referred them to. Meeting is at 10am tomorrow. Really anxious about it.

How old are the kids?

I mean the only one I personally dislike is ‘don’t argue with my instructions’… that’s basically saying don’t question me. Which I personally find unacceptable. But no doubt it’ll be about the phones. Edited as I see that the phone think is a rule now. I’m hoping someone took exception to the first rule but who knows.

im in the uk

My moneys on number 2.

Some little darling will probably make a point about people without a penis identifying as a male, or something gender related, and try and pull you up on it.

If I was made to change my rules by some darling child I would be adding a few new ones for the hell of it….. 😂

It’s fine. I bet they’ve misrepresented what you said because I can’t see why the principal would care otherwise. I wouldn’t worry.

You can't blame people for being confused when you are the one with two usernames/logins.

It’s not a great start for relationship building but I imagine that’s something you’ll be advised on in the morning, I don’t think you need to worry but I’d look into more training on positive behaviour management.

do you have any idea how hard it is to establish boundaries after the kids have started acting up? about 10x harder than just establishing them at the start. i had a really good relationship with this student last year, sadly it was because i was too lenient withi him

I’m a parent with kids in primary and secondary in the UK.
Your rules are damn straight. There’s nothing wrong with setting expectations.
Anyone with an issue with them is going to have been a problem anyway.
I hope your senior leader backs you up.
If the don’t, that’s any authority problem the school may have right there.

I realise teenagers (I'm assuming this is secondary school) can be argumentative little fuckers, but she said "don't argue with my instructions", not "don't argue with my assessment of whether Ishiguro's main character is an unreliable narrator / whether Beethoven is a more influential composer than Schoenberg".

And if she's a science teacher and the instruction is "don't pour ethanol over the lit Bunsen burner" then she's absolutely right that there's no place for argument.

Part of my role is supporting and developing teachers.

My head absolutely supports staff in getting students to adhere to the rules - but he's a busy man and it's quite possible that a little troop of kids rocked up to bother him about this.

If you're going to invoke the potential wrath of the head, it would have been courteous to warn them first.

This

Did you change your user name?

The phones handed in at the start of each lesson sounds like a bit of a faff, but if it’s a school rule he can’t argue with that!

Also “treat me with the same respect as X” is kind of setting yourself up for a fall- just treat me with respect is all you have to say.

Otherwise nothing wrong with the rules in principle, perhaps the problem was in the delivery? Almost as if you’re expecting them to be rude? My school is all about positive language these days. So rather than “treat me with respect” it’s “we all treat each other with respect, this is how we do it here”.

Depends on the style of delivery, I reckon. Tone of voice, etc.

What has the head/principal said about the meeting?

You don't need to assume they'll be a twat to a female though.

I'm all for setting boundaries, should be done school wide.

I once told a year 8 is was innapropriate to say allahu Akbar in class. He knew what he was saying. He reported me and said I had called him a terrorist. I said nothing of the sort! Kids exaggerate and lie. The child may have misrepresented what you said

I’d assume it’s 3!

The principal most likely did back her up to the student, but perhaps wants to clarify a few things with OP. She might not be in trouble, he might want to know what incident led to her writing rule #2 for example.

You cant ask to be treated with the same respect as a male teacher in one breathe and then refer them to the principle if they want to have a discussion in the next 🤣

You just need to work on a more positive delivery.

I'm not surprised somebody went to the principle with this if only for the heck of it.

If you do have issues keep in mind that each of these points is about safety. Their safety.

If you dont listen to instructions you are not safe to do the activity.
If you think you can use your phone during a lesson you are not paying attention. See above.
If you display behaviour sexist or otherwise that means you think you know better than the instructor (especially if this is a sexist reaction) then ..well... You're here to be educated. You will not be behaving safely for yourself or other people in the class and that is not acceptable nor is it legal for me to teach risk activities with students who cannot keep themselves and others safe.

Am I right in assuming this is a secondary school? Or late juniors.
I agree, you need to be so firm at the beginning and set your standards from day 1 because otherwise you’re on the back foot straight away (and I’ve only worked in infant/junior).
I’d guess that they’ve taken you at your word and don’t want to hand their phone in maybe.
I hope you’re being supported by your head.

Honestly? You sound terrified before you've even started. What your rules are saying is "I know you lot are going to be a problem and I'm going to stamp it out before it even starts." Of course you could reiterate school wide rules, but if you are introducing your own on day one it looks like you're anticipating problems. Very passive aggressive words.

Rather than calling them 'rules' refer to them as expectations. If this is how you worded it, it's very blunt and confrontational. I'm a secondary teacher and at the start of the school year I go through my expectations with them. And I always tell them what they can expect of me. Rather than 'dont talk over me. Listen to my instructions', I say 'please be courteous and respectful to me and each other and I will do the same'. Then I tell them what that means...please listen when I am talking, please raise your hand if you have a questions, please allow your classmates to be heard, this is a safe learning space where you can ask questions etc.

I think you invited that by telling them to see the Principal - I'd guess without talking to him about it.

It meant that if one of them had a reasonable issue (eg diabetes measured on phone) you told them you weren't willing to discuss it.

I'll bet that if you'd said, "I'll be in my room next break if you want to discuss it", there would have been no come back.

As a pretty well behaved kid with well behaved friends, if we'd felt the teacher was being unfair, we would have gone to the Principal with a well thought through discussion, because that's what you told us to do.

I'd agree with the way of phrasing them positively. I suspect it's the phrasing that has got their backs up - it sounds like you've caught them and are telling them off, rather than trying to lay down expectations.