To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

If he’s working and you’re not, & he’s working to pay the mortgage, then I think you’re saying in effect….. that you want him to work for longer, ie for more years, to defer his retirement, so you can enjoy an income now, while you don’t work.

Which to me sounds monstrously entitled and uncaring.

When do you envisage him being allowed to retire?

A man who insisted his wife work till later in life so that he can have an income now, without working, would be roundly criticicised.

You aren’t “unable” to work

You are a STAHM by choice unless any have medical needs

the house was owned before you were married and you are lucky your husband is in such a financial position that you don’t have to work. You are also doing nothing for the privilege of receiving the income since you said you “couldn’t” manage it properly

sounds like he has earned the right to retire early

So when he retires how much will his private pension income be and how will you access your 50% share?
What about your private pension? Are you jointly paying into that?

Please get good oversight of all finances assets pensions etc
If he gets run over tomorrow what happens? If you get run over what happens?

How old are dc what was your previous job and why can't you go to paid employment?

And why can't you manage a hmoDieoes your dh have certificates in plumbing and electricity or has just picked up some DIY skills which you can do too?
Or indeed get yourself on a plumbing or electric course and get certificates?
You can do plenty op unless you are disabled ?don't limit yourself because maybe your dh has led you to believe those are man jobs and you as a woman are only good for childcare

SAHM is a vocation and a worthwhile one. You are not financially compensated. It's not employment but it is a job.

I'm a SAHM. I work from home and am single. My children are young.

I believe you could, and should, take over those tasks and add them to your repertoire. Suck it up, enjoy it.

What are the consequences going to be aside from this if you stand up to him and say 'no, we are keeping it, it is my source of income and my financial compensation for child rearing which I refuse to give up.'

If it's none then enjoy your new job as a property manager and make sure you add it your CV, maybe see about some freelance work in that field or qualifications to go alongside your real time on the job learning opportunity.

So he pays all the bills and works and does all the management of owning this large HMO, and you just get the income?

No wonder he wants to sell it and you want to keep it!

How old are your DC? Was you being SAHM a joint decision? Does he want you to go back to work, or will he be giving you access to other money after the BTL is sold? If you do go back to work, I presume he ready to stump up half the childcare bill?

Why can’t you work? Tell your husband he will need to share the responsibility of sorting childcare and get a job. Does he pay into a pension for you? Careful or you’ll find yourself in trouble come retirement age

If you’re a SaHM and your DH won’t support you properly then you’ll need to go back to work and the children will have to go into paid childcare. Your DH will have to pay a share of that care proportional to his income so that you both have money to spend.

I know that might not be how you’d like it to be but you can’t let him financially control
you.

Ah yes, this is what MN is all about 😂

You sound shockingly entitled

This!

I would say to the OP obviously you can have a conversation with your DH & tell him that it's your only source of income... and see what he says?

Especially now with the childcare hours provided (assuming you are in the UK?) there isn't really a reason you couldn't get a job from when your youngest is 9months old.

Different if you WANT to be a SAHM and don't want to work as you want to raise your children and be there for them before & after school etc. That is really lovely if that is the case, but obviously only works if both parents are on the same page and the one that work an is happy to fund you doing this.

Just have the conversation with him?!

He sounds like an asshole. Tell him that if you go back to work, he is responsible for half of everything you do in the house now, and don't back down. He cooks half the meals, does half the housework, does half the childcare. See how soon that lasts.

She raises the kids, does drop offs and pick ups, probably meetings with teachers, keeps the house clean, laundry, makes meals. These are all full-time jobs in and of themselves.

They own multiple rental properties. He’ll probably just get a cleaner.

That’s probably not the threat you think it is.

Why shouldn’t he retire early? And some of us are lone parents and manage a full time job FGS.

There are a million reasons not to put a baby into the care of someone else. There's threads every day on here about how it's 'hell' and making people miserable to push a baby into nursery.

What a dystopian suggestion.

See I started off as Team OP but now I think I'm more Team H.

If you want to keep the income, you need to take over the management and take that off your H.

If it needs that much input and takes up that much time, it's a poor investment and you'd be wise to sell.

If you really need such a level of disposable income (an HMO will be pulling in four figures a month), given that H pays for bills and essentials, and you can't hack managing one rental property or doing what should be an incredibly straightforward tax return for yourself, then you can get a part-time job.

You haven't mentioned a reason why you have to be a SAHM, so unless otherwise stated I'm assuming there is no reason why you couldn't work school / evening / weekend hours.

You need to have an honest chat with your H.

The market for selling is good, it would be a good time to sell, free up the mortgage, he isn't seeing any income from the property, by selling, he is reducing outgoing mortgage payments, obviously he needs to support you in the shortfall.
Wouldn't it be easier for the family to sell, you could return to work PT bring in another wage.
It takes one bad luck incident with your tenant, before you're 10,000 in arrears, paying court costs.
What age is DH?

So as you've called it a BTL, I assume the HMO is mortgaged - who pays the mortgage, does it come from DH account or the income from the house?

And your DH works full time, and manages the HMO?
I don't blame him for getting rid. Of course you need access to family money but if he's finding the rental too much or doesn't want to anymore, surely it's better to sell & reduce the mortgage and his stress?

You can adjust your lifestyles to his one income if you don't want to work.

I must admit I'm waiting for the drip feed that the kids are 14 & 16 - how old are they OP?

Really? 37 hrs a week? How do the rest of us cope working and doing the same?🤨

Strangely enough, most of us manage not to live in a hotel, raise our kids, feed them and take care of drop offs/pick ups and work 🙄.

But you know this and are just being goady

Sorry but this is nonsense. Working parents manage all that and an actual full time job.
I say that as someone who has been a SAHM. Hard work and valuable, sure. But the same as a full time job? Absolutely not.

Is a "large" HMO not about 5-10k a month? That seems rather a lot for personal spends (I'm down South so could be overestimating)

You are able to work. Your children would need childcare. He would need to take on his share of household tasks and childcare. Have you discussed how it would look if you went back to work with him?

To be quite honest, lots of women with children work FT and managing a HMO should not take that many hours a week. I'm not surprised that he's not that happy working FT, then managing a rental property, and diverting all the income from that to you. If you want to keep that income he can't sell it if it's in your name BUT you will have to do the work.

I don’t understand why this matters, it’s not babies that need their mother.… it shouldn’t but they are all in primary school.