To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

You said you work part time. So what's the point for you?

No they’re not. Working mothers do all that and work.

I think there is nowhere near enough information here to give advice. And what is here doesn't make much sense. You are a partnership and should make these decisions together - all money in, all money out. You cannot expect to just spend the money on 'his' property forever while he burns himself to the ground to pay a mortgage. How do you split the money now? What is the plan for after? When will you start working again? You must have had 10+ years off work if you have multiple children all in primary school so what's the plan now?

Those hours don’t make sense.

I employ people who work in schools 9-3 because their children are dropped off 8:30-3:30.

And money, is the point. If your sole source of income is what a man gives you, the work you can do during school hours (if you’re desperate to not use wraparound care), enables you to get your own income for “spends,” which is less risky and more independent.

Get a job

She is working. She could work on this property during those hours yes. I suggested that.

OP you need to get a job. What are you doing during the day when your kids are at school where you can’t manage to run a rental property?

if I were your husband I’d be doing the same.

It's not 'a man' it's her financial partner and he's not giving it to her, it's coming from a property they both own.

Baffling to have to remind someone that people work for 'money'! That is entirely the point of working for almost everyone.

When?

Working on the property is not going to benefit the mortgage or retirement, the profits are spent every month.

She's not "working" whilst the kids are at school all day.

Still a man though, yes?

They both own it and he manages it. It might be their asset but it’s his workload, and if I was already carrying the household finances, I wouldn’t also be managing someone else’s source of disposable income.

Sounds like a clever guy to me.

A property he owned before they even married, lets not pretend OP has earned this money, she’s not even running it herself she expects him to do that as well.

Time to get a job.

It matters because how 'reasonable' you are being really depends on how viable it is for you to be contributing financially.

It's a bit of a luxury to be a SAHP when the kids are in school which makes it much less reasonable to be complaining that your DH wants to cut back to retire early.

It sounds like you want him to work longer so you don't have to?

It kind of does because you could quite feasibly work while they're at school or in the evenings when your husband was home with the children.

You're not 'unable' to work.

I also started out team OP and ended up team H.

However.

IF you remaining a SAHM works for the good of all members of the household (including your DH) and it’s agreed that it remains easier for you to do all the running about with the kids, managing the home, life admin, etc, then you need to have a conversation with him about what will replace the income from the HMO to cover your day to day spends, which I presume also includes the cost of the kids - both in terms of one off or cyclical costs (school trips, swimming lessons etc) but also the day to day costs. It’s not reasonable for you to have to go and ask him for money for that on an ad hoc basis and an adequate sum should be provided to you at the start of each month.

If he doesn’t agree then you’re going to have to look for a job, which is also a reasonable expectation of two adults with primary aged children. But then, circling around to so many other threads people post on Mumsnet, it’s also not unreasonable for you to make him aware that he becomes responsible for half the life admin and house + child management (including potentially school runs and bathroom cleaning and packed lunches), which presumably you’ve been doing up to this point.

Best plan a conversation really.

Sounds like it's his house, his time and you get the cash but do nothing for it. And he wants to pay off the mortgage so he can retire at some point.
Get a job lady!

He works full time, owns several properties, also manages an HMO, in his free time I assume.

You look after the kids outside school hours and...

If this isn't made up, skill up.

The fundamental issue here is that you are not thinking or behaving as a team with a shared plan and shared goals.

There is nothing wrong with deciding jointly that your family's overall quality of life is better with one stay-at-home parent. As long as the non-working parent isn't left vulnerable and both parents are happy with their role and the balance of responsibility then it is absolutely irrelevant that other families have to manage with two working parents. But one parent cannot unilaterally decide to not work.

Equally, one parent should not unilaterally be making financial decisions. All decisions should be made jointly based on your shared values and goals.

The issue around the sale of the BTL is just a symptom of the underlying problems.

Yes, but you're married now. Surely all your assets are joint?
I don't understand married couples having separate money like this.

Do you have any say in finances? If the BTL is sold what will you do for personal spends income? Do you have any say in anything at home @Nosdoc

I think you should go back to work, it's the only guarantee of financial independence. Unless you are both on the same side that all assets and income are completely shared, and it doesn't sound like that is the case here.

This, exactly

To be fair, I’m a bit of an anomaly.

We have a severely disabled child and could do with one of us not working, we both earn well enough for that to be a possibility.

We’d be able to claim financial support to not work, because of my son’s needs. We don’t qualify for grants that we could get, for example, because my salary is too high even by itself to get us under any threshold.

I work for purpose, independence and achievement outside of being a parent. We’d genuinely be okay if one of us became a SAHP, and we fall into the category of people that people almost expect to have one parent at home.