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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

598 replies

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:00

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

OP posts:
Bikergran · 10/09/2025 08:53

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

Absolutely. Probably under-age. Get away from this man now.

nomas · 10/09/2025 08:54

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:15

I know it’s AIBU I do think it’s a bit of a cliché to jump to the extremes of he’s a sex tourist or even more bonkers to say he has a secret wife and kid!!

He says that because I don’t like travelling too much once away and can struggle with travel sickness that I would struggle with the distances etc.

He doesn’t even want you to join him for a week! 😮

Wake up and smell the coffee:

  • an annual trip to Thailand alone means sex tourism
  • he has ensured that he can’t go on holiday with you, when you should be the person he most wants to go away with
Swiftie1878 · 10/09/2025 08:54

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:52

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Show quote history

OK, you got me! Well done 🙌👏👏👏

Great spoof thread. 😂😂😂

Digdongdoo · 10/09/2025 08:54

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:52

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Show quote history

He's telling you he doesn't want to commit. Listen to him.

Noluthando · 10/09/2025 08:55

Bin him off and find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship.

MadameTwoSwords · 10/09/2025 08:55

As if some daft reality TV bint is an authority on the subject.
I spend a month every year in Thailand (no prostitutes involved) and other than a very few tacky/dodgy hotspots which everyone knows to avoid it's an incredible country with an amazing environment and a deeply fascinating history and culture.
Having said that, the OP's boyfriend sounds like a dick.

Beesandhoney123 · 10/09/2025 08:55

Sounds really dodgy.

He doesn't want to go on holiday with you. The end.

PithyLimeViper · 10/09/2025 08:56

You have your answers in bucket loads. Whether they get through to you is your choice.

Pdam · 10/09/2025 08:56

Thailand "isn't your cup of tea" 🤣🤣🤣 having travelled around Thailand I will tell you it is a beautiful interesting place to visit, it also has a much darker side. Anyone travelling there alone (not your backpacker on their gap year) but going there solo on holiday is likely going for 1 thing! I worked with someone in austrailia who went on multiple trips to Thailand alone (he was single) but everyone in the office would laugh about it, they all knew it wasn't the Thai food he was going for!

It's a bit odd to be in a relationship and not want your girlfriend to join you on holiday, I'd dump him before you catch something.

AlphaApple · 10/09/2025 08:56

Sounds like he is casual boyfriend material, not long term partner material. That's fine if you are both happy with that, if not, move on.

Are you of an age when you are thinking of marriage and kids in the future?

TakeMe2Insanity · 10/09/2025 08:56

Theres no need for an ultimatum. You just need to end things.

Cantbelieveit888 · 10/09/2025 08:56

Yeah… what kind of partner doesn’t want to go away with their partner. Thats the main red flag…….🚩

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 10/09/2025 08:57

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:52

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Show quote history

And does that bother you OP? Forgetting the holiday for a minute, are you happy with a fairly casual relationship, or are you looking for commitment? You've been together for a couple of years so it's reasonable to start thinking about moving in together.

BoredZelda · 10/09/2025 08:57

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:52

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Show quote history

🚩🚩🚩Is he Paul Young??

Even if he is right, his response wouldn’t have been to scoff, it would have been to say “Are you sure? Here’s what I’d be doing, would that suit you?”

TwistedWonder · 10/09/2025 08:57

Gnarab24 · 10/09/2025 08:03

i actually think ultimatums are ridiculous. He’s shown you his priorities, emotionally blackmailing him in the short term won’t change the fact that he doesn’t prioritise you. Just leave.

Agree. He’s shown where his priorities lie and it’s not with the OP. Honestly you’re wasting your life with this one.

NewsdeskJC · 10/09/2025 08:57

You don't need to give him the time of day.
He can not prioritise you one week a year, with a years notice.
Chuck him back

Jellyslothbridge · 10/09/2025 08:57

What would your idea of a holiday look like if travel is off the cards due to travel sickness and you don't enjoy exploring. Sounds like you are not compatable for holidays at the minimum and he is not giving you any priority in his life.
He sounds inflexible and selfish and I would be wary and suspicious over annual solo visits to Thailand unless very hobby related like yoga, diving.

childofthe607080s · 10/09/2025 08:58

Wouldn’t bother with the ultimatum
save yourself time and energy

Alwaysinamood · 10/09/2025 08:58

He’s living the single life in afraid!!

banananas1999 · 10/09/2025 08:58

RealEagle · 10/09/2025 08:53

Thailand ,Prague and Berlin wonder what he’s going to those places for.

Hmm indeed what do these places have in common.. oh yes, sex tourism capitals of each continent.

Thecowardlydonkey · 10/09/2025 08:58

How is the rest of your relationship? He clearly prefers to holiday without you. Does he prioritise doing things with you the rest of the year, or is this typical of the relationship in general? Either way it doesn't sound great, but if he is a good committed partner in general I guess it is possible you could choose to live with separate holidays.

Seriouslychild · 10/09/2025 08:58

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

Same

AngelinaFibres · 10/09/2025 08:59

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:52

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Show quote history

Read what you've written back to yourself. Does this sound like a relationship? Does it sound like something meaningful or are you just handy when he wants bits of a relationship but without it growing or ever going anywhere? It's not adult behaviour to have only a suitcase of clothes so you can leave at a moments notice. If a friend told you all this would you think there was any point to this relationship?

HellsBells13 · 10/09/2025 08:59

He is not committed to the relationship. Not prioritising you, none committal to moving in. At best you are just dating. Time to move on love.

brownboulders · 10/09/2025 09:00

There’s nothing wrong with having an annual trip to the same place (Thailand is absolutely stunning in many parts) but the bit I don’t get is why he doesn’t want to share it with you. It’s fairly normal in a newish relationship to want to introduce your partner to all the places and people you love. If it were me, I’d be asking why doesn’t he want you to go?

I was in a relationship years ago and every year he had a school class reunion (for schoolmates and partners) followed by a lads week away. He was absolutely determined he didn’t want me to go to the reunion (even though all the other wives and partners went).

I later found out it was because when he was at school, he’d come out as gay and all his classmates/school knew this. In his 20s he decided to move past that and date women again. He didn’t want me to meet his old school friends as they most likely would have said something.

We ended up splitting when I discovered he was cheating on me with one of the old school friends - one of the ‘lads’.

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