DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

[Takethat88]

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

Is this true OP "I don’t like travelling too much once away and can struggle with travel sickness that I would struggle with the distances etc"? If not just tell him he's got the wrong impression and you'd be really excited to share his trip with him and you are going to book it. See how he reacts to that. Otherwise as PP have said, he's not that into you so just dump him

Lol. Oh dear!

Whatever you believe his reasons are for going, I personally just wouldn’t be ok with my OH using up his entire holiday allowance for the last 2 years to go away solo and not spend any time as a couple. His priorities lie elsewhere and it is not you.

It's so charming to see somebody who believes their male partner spends three weeks in Thailand and a stag week in Prague avoiding the seedier side of life there - her male partner who doesn't want her to join him as it wouldn't be her cup of tea. Meanwhile, there was cynical little me thinking he was exactly the kind to indulge in exactly that seedier side of things. Either way you should get rid.

Also the fact he lied about his holiday allowance… he lied!!! What makes you think he is honest about anything else?

It’s the very fact that he is deciding FOR you that it’s not your sort of thing, that makes it suspicious. I suppose he could enjoy being completely alone for a couple of weeks. Some people like alone time - I do - but why wouldn’t he just say that instead of deciding why you wouldn’t want to go, as if you’re a child who doesn’t know your own mind? So, either he doesn’t want to straight out tell you that he doesn’t want any/your company or he’s up to stuff he doesn’t want you to know about.

If he loved travelling, exploring, he wouldn’t do the same holiday at the same time to the same place every year. Or if he did he’d probably be thrilled to have someone to share it with.
This is barn-door going to Thailand for three weeks every year to pay for sex.
If on the very slim chance it isn’t, why isn’t he now wanting to have some holidays with you? A week away solo might be nice but the second year of being together you would naturally be a priority for him to have a holiday with. Over and above the same solo trip he has done every year innocently island hopping and eating Pad Thai.

Thailand,by himself? Are you that naive,its every perverts and sex pests Disneyland.

Ffs dump the subpar sex tourist immediately. Yuk. The stis don't bear thinking about.

😂😂😂😂😂🫠 yeah, ok.

If he's not a sex tourist why go to the same place every year alone? Surely if he loves the place he would want to share it with you?

He is not your Dad, and you are not a child. He doesn’t get to say what you will or will not like, that is for you alone to decide.

Ultimatums are pointless. Why force him into go on holiday with you? He’d probably only sulk anyway which would ruin it (deliberately) for you.

He’s shown you where his priorities lie. Either you want a relationship like this or you don’t. And if you don’t, then ditch him, dust yourself down, and move on.

He is 100% a sex tourist. Wake up OP!

lol how would he know what you can cope with when you’re away? He’s prioritised all his time since you’ve been together for LADS! LADS! LADS! Type shit. I bet he’s only going to the stag dos and birthday trips to party areas for the scenery, too. Bless him.

Bugbear of mine people using the term ‘partner’ when there is not an element of partnership to be seen. He is t your partner OP, he’s a guy you’re seeing that doesn’t prioritise you, HTH. Dump.

Phew, that's relief. No need to worry about him indulging in any shady shenanigans......🙄

Yabu to call him your partner. He is very clearly in the friends /fun/girlfriend era of his life and not looking to settle down and be a partner.

You can wait and hope or move on.

I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm passing on advice I wish I'd had when I was in my 20s and seeing a future with my long term boyfriend. Had I seen him as a boyfriend to be enjoyed as part of my life rather than hoping he would move in and we would take on the world, I think we both would have been happier however ot panned out.

He's just at a point at where he is prioritising himself, and that's fine, as long as you don't waste time prioritising him too.

Sorry but you’re being ridiculous. Don’t justify the 3 weeks in Thailand thing. Even if it’s not for anything seedy, and fine there’s a possibility it’s not for that, the norm is you adjust your wants and needs to combine with your partner.

I adore travelling and would travel the world all day every day if I could but when I met my husband I naturally without even thinking prioritized OUR plans not mine specifically, he didn’t ask or expect me to and he does the same. We go away with friends on our own as we always did but it’s a mutual respect thing.
listen, the fact you’re even asking means you know the answer. You just need to accept it - he hasn’t made you a priority at all.

If he doesnt want you going to Thailand then I immediately think prostitutes. Dump his sleazy arse.

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Basically he doesn’t prioritise you and that’s not cool.

I expect his trip to Prague with his mates will involve lots of enjoyment of the 'cultural' offerings too.

Ok, so he's not a sex tourist...

Even so, he has something in his life that is so important to him that he prioritises it by using most of his holiday allowance and presumably a fair bit of money on it. Can you imagine having something like this in your life and not wanting to share it with a partner? Do you want to settle down and have kids with him? That sort of commitment is not really conducive to a standard family life. He is showing you that you aren't a long term prospect for him, he doesn't take you seriously enough as a partner to include you in the things that are important to him.

I don't think there even needs to be a seedier reason, this man isn't for you. You can do far better. You deserve someone who wants, and is excited, to share all the good things in their life with you. Best of luck finding him x

Thailand ,Prague and Berlin wonder what he’s going to those places for.

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea

What? Eating, drinking and enjoying the sights won't be your cup of tea? That's what EVERYONE does on holiday! Come on OP, don't be so niave!

Yes, and when he's frequently approached, as all men are over there,. he'll just say "no thank you!".