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Original poster

DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

598 replies

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:00

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

OP posts:
PoppyRoseBucky · 10/09/2025 13:47

emilysquest · 10/09/2025 13:38

He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things

What type would that be then? (Hint: there is no such "type" among people who have a Y chromosome).

Exactly this.

There really is no type.

Married men with kids go off to Thailand and are sex tourists. Men you would never guess engage in it.

We'd all love to think that all the men who do this appear openly "seedy" but they don't.

They're regular men who appear normal and only show that side of themselves when in Thailand. You'd never guess otherwise.

flopsyuk · 10/09/2025 13:50

The other possibility is that prefers male company and everything else is just a convenient front.

Thailand is also a gay/bi destination.

Regardless it's unlikely that you are his 'partner' in any meaningful way given how he behaves.

It's painful to be in this position and I totally sympathise.

dodobedo · 10/09/2025 13:52

Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt, he's still a shitty partner who isn't prioritising you.

Also, some of those Thai girls are not 16.

ParmaVioletTea · 10/09/2025 13:53

To use a popular MN term - my poultry isn’t quite being lined up in formation, but it’s in the early preparation stage!

But there are no ducks to be got into a row @Takethat88

That’s what everyone is trying to tell you!

Beeloux · 10/09/2025 13:53

I would raise an eyebrow at any man going on annual solo trips to Thailand.

I went alone in my late teens and remember then seeing middle aged western perverts hanging around barely legal woman or men in the streets.

I would be ending the relationship and getting an STD and smear test.

TimeForATerf · 10/09/2025 13:53

I’ve been to Thailand, it’s incredibly beautiful, cheap and with amazing food and sights. But to go every year? And the assumption you wouldn’t enjoy beautiful scenery, lovely people and good food? Nahhhh.

I Have also seen, in those beautiful places, an absolutely abundance of sex tourists, those small, young women, traipsing around with white, much older, men, the women with forced smiles and the men with their hands and arms like octopuses, 🤮

I once worked with a bloke in his fifties then went every winter to Thailand with his two male friends, he was a slimy, creepy, office pest, I know why he went to Thailand.

You are so naive OP.

JustStopItNora · 10/09/2025 13:57

I worked in Thailand for 2 years.

There is one primary reason while a man travels alone for 3 weeks every year and does not want his girlfriend to join him.

And it's not a love of island-hopping and the food. You are seriously naive OP if you think it is, I am afraid.

Pezdeoro41 · 10/09/2025 13:59

It may not be sex tourism (although I think you might be surprised at the kind of men that get involved 'when in Rome') but it certainly seems he wants his freedom there for a reason. I also like my space and independence, but it seems odd if you're in a relationship that he wouldn't want you to go even once, or even for a week. Thailand is not a difficult or even particularly adventurous location to travel around these days - TUI do holidays there too! And it's romantic, paradisiacal - somewhere you'd really enjoy with a partner.

I also have to wonder why, if he's such a free spirit, he goes back to the same country every year. Being on the backpacker trail it is quite free and easy, perhaps he wants to experience that in a way that a relationship doesn't allow. Or perhaps he has friends there you don't know about?

Either way, I think it is quite the red flag and I'd be feeling very much the same as you.

Shinysunday · 10/09/2025 14:03

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

OP, your thread title starts 'DP lied to me'. If he can lie about holidays allowances he can lie about the reasons for going to Thailand. Of course he'd say he was island hopping and sunbathing, but you know that he doesn't always tell the truth.
The holidays may be innocent, but it's odd to do a long-haul trip every year to a place where you don't have any family or other connections. Why not go somewhere else for a change?

thestudio · 10/09/2025 14:08

Op, glad to hear you'll end this relationship.

But the fact that you are clinging to 'he's too much of a free spirit' as your rationale shows that you're still in denial.

There will be deeply buried psychological causes for your determination to look the other way with this man.

Those reasons need examining in therapy or you will continue to make unsafe, unhealthy choices in every relationship you have.

Moveoverdarlin · 10/09/2025 14:09

He’s a bloke in his 40s that likes to holiday alone and go on stag dos and celebrate birthdays with mates. He doesn’t want a TUI holiday sunbathing in Tenerife. He also isn’t too fussed on living together.

He hasn’t done anything wrong, so the ball is in your court as to whether you want to be with someone like him.

CaroleLandis · 10/09/2025 14:10

He has another family over there is my bet.

AardvarkaKedavra · 10/09/2025 14:12

Ehhh, I know you don't think he's doing anything seedy in Thailand, but unless he had family in the area that he was visiting, it seems very odd that he goes there every year and is so insistent that he can't skip it or shorten it. Not wanting you to come along (even if it's conveniently not your cup of tea), too...

His general attitude of prioritising time away without you is enough reason to seriously reconsider this relationship, but whether you like it or not, the annual visits to Thailand, specifically, are highly suspicious that he's a creep, if not a criminal. 🤢

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 10/09/2025 14:13

You need to find a partner who wants to spend his leave with you. You deserve better.

DrowningInSyrup · 10/09/2025 14:13

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

This is so naive. If this was the case he would therefore take you along. He is definitely the type. This year he has a stag do, 2 weeks in Thailand and a trip away with the lads, and nothing with you. Screams global sex.

Timeforabitofpeace · 10/09/2025 14:16

Bin and move on. Lying is lying, and you definitely are not his priority.

IsItFinallyMe · 10/09/2025 14:16

Red flags 🚩
the fact he can’t change the location of his annual trip somewhere else or for you and you’ve been together a fair bit now.
His annual trip to Thailand screams that he is getting more than massages when he goes there.
That aside if after this long together he cannot factor you in to holidays he is not the one.
Throw him back.

Mich1986 · 10/09/2025 14:17

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

Then there is no reason why you can’t join him? Even if only for a week? He’s lying to you. But he also showing you little respect and love by putting his mates above you and enjoying holidays with them.

JenXWarrior · 10/09/2025 14:18

Imagine being with a man who prefers to holiday without you and pay for sex instead of going away with and having sex with you.

Raise the bar.

ednaclouda · 10/09/2025 14:23

I do realise he's made plans with his group of mates but by now from2023 he should be prioritising you and 'us' or dont you see that he wants to be a batchelor deep down and there isn't an 'Us' in his mindset

JillyGiraffe · 10/09/2025 14:27

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

My first thought too!

Thelandlordsdaughter1 · 10/09/2025 14:27

In Thailand, they refer to them as "losers back home".

Brunettesmorefun · 10/09/2025 14:30

I’m sorry OP but I would not be married to a man who went to Thailand on his own for 3 weeks.

JustStopItNora · 10/09/2025 14:34

Thelandlordsdaughter1 · 10/09/2025 14:27

In Thailand, they refer to them as "losers back home".

They are complete losers. I was working with an organisation that was involved with trying to combat sex trafficking. I remember one fat sweaty old English guy i met at a bar who was perfectly open about what he was there for and he said 'the girls aren't good quality at this bar'. Incredible. A loser who was buying sex from women and children who had been forced into it and he thought the issue was their 'quality'.

I have too many stories so won't go on.

PigletSanders · 10/09/2025 14:37

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

So why on earth wouldn’t he want you to join him?!

He’s fully lying.