DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

[Takethat88]

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

He has no intention of going on holiday with you, now or in the future.

However, Thailand is beautiful, save up & book to go alone or with another friend.

It really isn’t jumping to an extreme. Surely no-one is this naive?

95% chance he’s a sex tourist.

5% chance he’s a selfish dick who puts you at the bottom of his priority list and prefers his lads trips and sex solo trips than going on holiday with you.

Regardless of the percentages, it’s definitely one of those two options. And I would not stay in this relationship either way.

I think this is very naive of you OP.

He is 100% a sex tourist, and he’s as much as admitted it. What goes on with these men in Thailand would shock you to your core.

I agree with the others, get rid of him asap.

Same

Well it won't be island hopping in Bangkok lol. And yeah quite a few men. Not all of them by any means.

His holidays are showing you are not a priority. His friends are and his solo trip to Thailand.

Totally, a 2-3 week alone trip that he doesn’t want his partner to go along with him on…..and he say it wouldn’t be her cup of tea but he loves it so much he wants to stay for 3 weeks and on his own……the week long boys trip to Prague also says a lot about him……he definitely wouldn’t be for me

If he is island hopping that is ... who knows where his travels take him.

Whatever the truth he clearly doesn't want his GF to know or be included.

Majority of men who go to Thailand for a solo trip to the same place every year are generally falling into the sex tourist category. They are not going to ride elephants or visit the temples 😂

It's a long way to go for 2 weeks flights a killer

It's obvious that he prefers the time away from you. I guess you need to figure out how you feel about that.

One of the things I really didn't like about Thailand was the number of western middle aged men with young Thai women. We stayed in a very nice 5 star hotel in Bangkok, and the number of white middle aged men hanging around with Thai women was shocking. It's totally accepted out there, and the fact that your partner goes out there regularly for 3 weeks would make me very suspicious. Why Thailand? If he loves travelling so much, why does he go to the same place every year? I think you are being very naive OP.

Not every single (or married) man who goes to Thailand is a sex tourist. But even so, it's not prioritising his relationship with you...

I'm sorry, OP, but stop being so naive.

If you went up to any man on the street, presented this exact scenario to him-"My partner goes on an annual 3 week trip to Thailand solo and doesn't want me to go with him," what do you think they would say he was doing?

There is a reason, like it or not, that he doesn't want you tagging along with him.

If it's genuinely a destination that he's fallen in love with-the sights, the food, the culture-why wouldn't he want to share that with you?

Did he tell you he stays well clear of the "seedier parts?" How can you trust that? Because he told you so.

I know it's not easy to hear that your DP of 2 years is most likely on 3 week annual trips to Thailand to engage in being a sex tourist-but it is mostly the truth, and if it isn't, your relationship is still in the toilet.

You can give him all the ultimatums that you want-it's not going to force him to prioritise you and your relationship if he doesn't want to. And he's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to.

He wants to have his solo trips and his lad's holidays. That's it. He's told you that in no uncertain terms with his actions-now you have to decide what you want to do with that information.

Forcing his hand won't bode well for you, I don't think. I think your best bet is to prioritise yourself and leave. Then he can have all his solo, totally innocent, just enjoying the "sights" trips to Thailand and you can find someone who actually cares about you.

I agree. It’s quite shocking seeing how prevalent it is in Thailand. It’s very much in your face. There’s quite a lot of it in Hong Kong too but it’s less blatant than Thailand (and obviously HK is much smaller).

I felt quite uncomfortable there with my 11 year old DS. He was oblivious, but it made me feel quite sick and tainted my enjoyment of what was a lovely hotel.

He is doing what blokes do in Thailand hence why you aren’t invited shocked it took you so long to realise. Dump him.

Was it the Banyan Tree Hotel?

I stayed there when passing through on the way to Australia. It's a lovely and amazing hotel but the amount of very obviously married men (wedding rings) in the Moon bar with Thai girls and falling out of lifts (with two girls in tow) on the way to hotel rooms was quite shocking. That was a 5 star hotel 🙄

Hua Hin and Phuket weren't much better, just more of them.

He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things

What type would that be then? (Hint: there is no such "type" among people who have a Y chromosome).

First post nails it.

He doesn't ever want to go away with you, he wants to keep you at home and have his holidays with the lads. I wouldn't be wanting a relationship like that. A mixture of holidays with you and those with friends, sure, but not this.

Another thread I suspect where the OP doesn’t return because they don’t like hearing the truth!

He can do all those things while shagging his brains oot! Give yourself a shake.

Just asked DH what he would assume if a fellow man told him he had a 3 week annual solo trip to Thailand. DH response: said man goes there for sex workers or has a Thai wife who he visits once a year.

So it's not just that you have different holiday preferences, he's a commitment phobe. Chuck him back OP..

So why can’t you join him then?