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Original poster

DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

598 replies

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:00

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 10/09/2025 12:35

RealEagle · 10/09/2025 08:53

Thailand ,Prague and Berlin wonder what he’s going to those places for.

I love Prague and Berlin and would love to go to Thailand. Prostitutes would not feature …

OP says her preferred holiday is all inclusive, not going anywhere once there.

He clearly doesn’t want that type of holiday, which I can entirely understand. He needs to be honest though.

Imbusytodaysorry · 10/09/2025 12:39

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

@Takethat88 what reasons does he have then to decide “it’s not for you “ and you wouldn’t like it ?
He is putting you off for a reason , what do you think it is?
Sounds like he really isn’t that into you .

Im not for for judging but today it seems I am . Thailand and Prague ?
Continuous boys holidays and none with his partner ? You have to ask yourself why ?
Then why are you staying with him ?

ASimpleLampoon · 10/09/2025 12:39

Leave him. You're not his priority. Book yourself A solo trip to celebrate

Shewasafaireh · 10/09/2025 12:42

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:52

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Show quote history

He goes to Thailand for extended periods, he’s non committal, every trip is a priority but with you.

Is he 39 by any chance 😭 I know someone exactly like this.

EasySqueezy · 10/09/2025 12:44

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

Sure he isn't. You are being naive

MrsJeanLuc · 10/09/2025 12:46

BunnyLake · 10/09/2025 09:56

Let’s assume his trips are all above board. If so he sounds far too much of a free spirit to ever want to have the constraints of a comitted relationship. I would either see the relationship as purely casual (if you are happy with that) or end it so you can meet someone with the same end goals as you.

Yeah, I had a relationship like this once.
He had friends he worked with, friends he went on activity holidays with, friends he did sport with ... and very limited time for a holiday with me.

Eventually I realised I was just the friend he had sex with! It was good sex 😁, but not enough to base a relationship on.

ICanBuyMyselfFlowers25 · 10/09/2025 12:47

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:52

He is right that my preferred holiday is a week all inclusive courtesy of DTui but I would happily go to Thailand even if it meant a fair bit of travelling.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too. He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!

Show quote history

Tell him you will decide if its the type of holiday you would like, not him.
Tell him you're joining him and of you don't enjoy it you'll fly back

SparklingRivers · 10/09/2025 12:48

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

Why there every year, and why doesn't he want to share it with you?.. don't be so blinkered.

GeneralPoints · 10/09/2025 12:49

I don’t mean to be harsh, but I think you may need to consider why he won’t let you join him on his yearly Thailand trips. You mentioned he likes his own company, but he could do that anywhere in the world. The fact that he scoffed when you asked to come along isn’t just dismissive - it’s a red flag worth taking seriously.

Colinfromaccounts · 10/09/2025 12:50

If it's Thailand, every single year, you know what he's doing there don't you. Otherwise what is the attraction of returning to that specific place.

Ifeellikeateenageragain · 10/09/2025 12:51

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

Yeah the Thailand trip is giving massive red flags... ick...

ForNoisyCat · 10/09/2025 12:53

AwakeNotThruChoice · 10/09/2025 08:03

Thailand?
watch Zara mCDermotts bbc documentary !

Im watching this. It’s horrible, sad, and I’d never want to go . I also wouldn’t stay with a man who went there.

MaryMungoMidgley · 10/09/2025 12:54

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

Unfortunately I am unable to disagree with this post.

Kbroughton · 10/09/2025 12:59

Gnarab24 · 10/09/2025 08:03

i actually think ultimatums are ridiculous. He’s shown you his priorities, emotionally blackmailing him in the short term won’t change the fact that he doesn’t prioritise you. Just leave.

This is such good advice. I wish I had known this in my marriage! I know it now though.

AdoraBell · 10/09/2025 13:00

He’s not interested in what you having a holiday.

Homegrownberries · 10/09/2025 13:00

"an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter"

You're being very naive.

AxolotlEars · 10/09/2025 13:04

Who knows what he's up to but he's definitely showing you that holidaying with you isn't a priority

Tablesandchairs23 · 10/09/2025 13:04

He doesnt need a ultimatum. He needs showing the door. He's showing you aren't a priority.

MaryMungoMidgley · 10/09/2025 13:05

He spends all year saving for and longing for his trip to Thailand where he can sexually abuse underage girls. That's his favourite kind of sex.
Sex with the op is what keeps him going so he doesn't feel too deprived as he waits eagerly for what he really wants

PennyForYourThoughtz · 10/09/2025 13:06

@Takethat88

Sorry but as the saying goes, he's just not that into you. If he was he would want to spend his precious holiday time with you, without hesitation.

He's into going away with friends or on his own so he doesn't have to have a GF tagging along. It's very obvious why.

I know you don't want to hear it OP, but think about his pattern of behaviour. It absolutely screams sex tourist. There isn't a 'type' that you can spot there's just a pattern of behaviour that makes it the most plausible explanation.

I really hope your looking after your health and that you've had regular STI checks. He could leave you with longer term consequences that last longer than the relationship.

DipsyDee · 10/09/2025 13:07

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

How do you know that he’s telling the truth? You’re not there

fastingforweightloss · 10/09/2025 13:08

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

Why can't you go with him then??

RubySquid · 10/09/2025 13:08

Hmm wonder how many of you lot have actually spent a decent amoubt of time in Thailand. Very few I'd imagine. Not everyone is is pattata or paton shagging around

MaryMungoMidgley · 10/09/2025 13:09

He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas
If he is intelligent and has a strong desire to get away with indulging in the seedier side of things he will naturally go to great lengths to hide that aspect of his personality.

PennyForYourThoughtz · 10/09/2025 13:11

RubySquid · 10/09/2025 13:08

Hmm wonder how many of you lot have actually spent a decent amoubt of time in Thailand. Very few I'd imagine. Not everyone is is pattata or paton shagging around

I spent quite a bit of time in Bangkok, I've seen what a lot of men get up to when they are passing through.

Mostly Russians and Australians but quite a few British men too.