Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

598 replies

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:00

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

OP posts:
MalewhoisLaffinalltheway · 10/09/2025 11:56

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

Sorry, but you're being very naive...

EllaPaella · 10/09/2025 11:56

Whatever he’s up to he sounds so selfish. 3 weeks for him in Thailand and nothing for you? My husband and I each have a few days abroad with mates each year but it’s 4 days in Greece or Spain not 3 weeks in Thailand! No way would that be fair to each other if one person was getting nothing.
if I were you I’d bin him off and book yourself 3 lovely weeks away with friends or even solo.

amicisimma · 10/09/2025 11:59

I agree with the posters who say he is not looking for the same relationship as you are and you'd be wise to end it.

OTOH, I would be tempted to be very enthusiastic about going to Thailand and appear to be making arrangements to go with him, and see how that goes.

Omgblueskys · 10/09/2025 12:02

Op your boyfriend has used up most of his AL on stag weekends and trips away with out you , this shouldn't sit well with you,
Your not on his list of fun priorities unfortunately op,
Make your own holidays with people who actually want to spend time with you

LetsTryAgainNowThen · 10/09/2025 12:08

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:15

I know it’s AIBU I do think it’s a bit of a cliché to jump to the extremes of he’s a sex tourist or even more bonkers to say he has a secret wife and kid!!

He says that because I don’t like travelling too much once away and can struggle with travel sickness that I would struggle with the distances etc.

I hate it when people make assumptions and decisions on what I like for me.

I'd ditch the him because after two years expecting him to prioritise a holiday with me would be a given. I was married after two years, not begging him not to spend all his holiday with his mates!

That's best case. Tbh my first thought was sex tourist too.

user1492757084 · 10/09/2025 12:08

Book Thailand and go with him Island hopping
OR
Give him the flick.

CherrieTomaties · 10/09/2025 12:08

I’ve read all your posts OP.

Sadly, I don’t think this guy will ever truly settle down or give you what you want.

You’re not a priority to him. And it appears he doesn’t even like you that much? Why the hell wouldn’t a man want to have a holiday with his partner?

Raise your bar! You deserve someone who genuinely wants to spend time with you and explore places with you.

LinedOverLatte · 10/09/2025 12:09

I’m sorry @Takethat88but if he was genuinely going for the food and scenery he’d be going to different places in SE Asia (or anywhere else in the world if he likes travelling) that are less touristy and mainstream.

There’s plenty of time to eat, island hop and travel whilst ALSO engaging in the seedier side of Thailand. Of course he’s told you he doesn’t do that - no one in their right mind would tell their girlfriend they’re going for sex and kinks they can’t get at home. Just like none of the stag groups in Amsterdam admit they go to the red light area. Wake up!!

For your own sanity PLEASE end this. You’re never going to be a priority if it’s two years in and you’re still way down the list of people he’d rather be with.

Jollyhockeystickss · 10/09/2025 12:10

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

Are you mad? Then why cant you go with him? How many red flags do you need? Hes never taken you on holiday and doesnt want to take you on holiday and doesnt want you to go with him , every man who goes to thailand on his own goes there for one thing, book your own holiday enjoy yourself dont tell him where you are going or who with, but i doubt he will care,

gingercat02 · 10/09/2025 12:12

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 09:03

Kids - no, as have already had them from past relationship and DP doesn’t want them either as feels he’d be too old in his 40’s.

Marriage - in an ideal world!

Edited
Show quote history

I wouldn't have him in a square mile of my children

Papadulo · 10/09/2025 12:14

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

100% this.

Twinkletoes127 · 10/09/2025 12:14

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

This is a very naive response and shows you are deep in this relationship, and unfortunately hes probably not, due to not cancelling his sex holiday

Pedallleur · 10/09/2025 12:14

how can so many of us think that a man holidaying in Thailand will be indulging in sextourism/drugs. he could be there for the scenery or temples or a rich cultural experience.

Seriouslychild · 10/09/2025 12:15

Pedallleur · 10/09/2025 12:14

how can so many of us think that a man holidaying in Thailand will be indulging in sextourism/drugs. he could be there for the scenery or temples or a rich cultural experience.

He could. And Jimmy Saville might have just been a kind hearted charity worker.

KatyaKanani · 10/09/2025 12:18

Pedallleur · 10/09/2025 12:14

how can so many of us think that a man holidaying in Thailand will be indulging in sextourism/drugs. he could be there for the scenery or temples or a rich cultural experience.

Yes, of course. I've often seen middle aged Western men on their own, admiring the temples.
The bar visiting for "companionship" is incidental, I'm guessing.

BomkersKittykatty · 10/09/2025 12:21

I really think you are being naive, even if he isn't indulging in sex and drugs in Thailand he clearly isn't prepared to compromise on a holiday you could both enjoy so he is selfish beyond belief. Plus the fact that he clearly puts his male friends first is a red flag so I say ditch him and move on.

Epidote · 10/09/2025 12:21

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

Me too

whynotwhatknot · 10/09/2025 12:26

lets say its above board-in my first two years of relationship with my now husband we went on three overseas holidays together-not saying he couldnt go away alone or with friends but he didnt want to he wanted to be with me

isnt that how it supposed to be

Notmyreality · 10/09/2025 12:27

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

To quote Darth Vader “The naivety is strong with this one”

Annual Thailand trip. Are you fucking kidding me?

MrsSlocombesCat · 10/09/2025 12:29

It sounds like your relationship is all on his terms. I couldn't live with that. Find someone who prioritises you and have the relationship you deserve.

SternJoyousBeev2 · 10/09/2025 12:29

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 09:03

Kids - no, as have already had them from past relationship and DP doesn’t want them either as feels he’d be too old in his 40’s.

Marriage - in an ideal world!

Edited
Show quote history

Does he ever compromise about anything to make you happy?

I suspect he is very set in his ways and doesn’t want to make any changes to his lifestyle. If you stay together he will carry on doing what he wants and expect you to fit around his plans.

CountryQueen · 10/09/2025 12:30

Pedallleur · 10/09/2025 12:14

how can so many of us think that a man holidaying in Thailand will be indulging in sextourism/drugs. he could be there for the scenery or temples or a rich cultural experience.

Hi OPs boyfriend 🤣

PandorasMailbox · 10/09/2025 12:31

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

If all he's doing is island hopping and enjoying the food, why can't he do those things with you?

I'd definitely throw this one back. Not only is he a liar, he's as dodgy af.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 10/09/2025 12:33

So you are bottom of the list? Move on OP.

MyMilchick · 10/09/2025 12:35

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

You're being incredibly naive, if that's all he's doing why on Earth would he insist you wouldn't enjoy that? It sounds great