DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

[Takethat88]

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

You have only known him for two years and you don't live together. It's up to what you are looking for in a man and what you are happy to believe and tolerate. The only advice I can give is regular STI tests. You want to be around for your children. Also, another thing to consider you maybe his booty call until he finds the "ONE".

OP. Dont be so naive. You have no ducks to line up.

end this now. At best he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
At worst He is a sex tourist. Even worse is that he is to be involved in the exploitation of children. Boys and girls.

cut him out now.
and get a full STI review done.
you do not want a man like this in your life.

3 weeks every year in Thailand? Plus more holidays with mates? This is where you feature in his priorities - behind his mates and prostitutes (or worse - vulnerable boys / girls).

i cannot believe you are still thinking about it.

💯

Why dont u just go away on your own? Or with some of your friends? I have a partner of 12 years sometimes he cant get the time off when I want to go somewhere if another staff member is also off then I just go on my own its no big deal. Like im gonna miss a holiday for someone else. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future to go away together. Obviously if youre one of them that cant do anything without your partner stuck by your side then u could look for another 1 that doesn't have as many commitments to holidaying with friends.

Solo trips to Thailand make me feel a bit 🤢.

Of course he doesn't want you to join him. 🤔

He is not a partner. He is a selfish, thoughtless boyfriend. I wouldn't waste time with him.

As for the OP saying he's definitely not going to Thailand for dodgy reasons, how many times do we see the family and friends of the worst sex offenders, murderers etc saying they had no clue?

Plus the men who have whole secret lives or have affairs that go on for years.

The red flags are all there, there's no way of categorically knowing he's an innocent tourist.

DP either I join you in Thailand this year or we go our separate ways.

Sorry. I suppose if everything else about the r.ship is wonderful then reply might change. Does he put your first in everything else, or at least treat you as priority.

You shouldn't have to give him an 'or else'... but some people need it to appreciate the error of their ways

Hmm
This is a odd one.
Why would be need to go Thailand for so long.
Surely as a partner he would love it for you to join him.
Something doesn't add up.

I guess he is off to Bangkok, if he does not want you to join him.

He’s just not that into you. I think you should leave now. I agree with our others; an STI test would put your at rest too.

And why on earth would he think that you wouldn't enjoy island hopping, the food and exploring? Come on OP - the red flags really are obvious.

This.

I go to Thailand for a month each year . Sometimes twice. Why a red flag

Why on earth does he holiday at the exact same location every. single. year. for nearly a month? And why does he insist on going alone? He’s doing something secretive repeatedly and consistently, and there are some clues, given the location. Wise up, OP.

If you choose to be in a relationship you should choose to spend the majority of your A/L and downtime with your partner. Even if you don't have kids, relationships need nurturing and time together. This means giving up the single life and scaling back the partying, endless holidays solo or with mates, 7 day stag dos.

He's having his cake and eating it by having you at home waiting for him but using up all his A/L to hang out with the boys and go off to Thailand like a teenager on a gap yah.

A man that wants to be with you will be with you, not in Thailand or Prague.

You suffer from travel sickness and being away from home? That’s the reason he doesn’t think you should go to Thailand? Yet here you are complaining he doesn’t have time to go away with you - when you would presumably be travelling and be away from home?

Don't be so naive! I am amazed that he would so blatantly take you for a fool. You must really know underneath what the Thai trips really are you but just dont want to. Island hopping and Thai food? All on his lonesome? Oh, come on!

RUN!

I love thailand - spent 6 months backpacking around. Would love to go back when I can afford it and even I think he is deffo partakling in the sex trade! Or he is a drug mule, or he has a thai family that he goes back to visit every year.
If I loved a place so much - as he seems to do if he goes back there every year , then I would want to share that with my loved one. His total insistence that he doesnt want you to accompany him is a massive red flag.
I also think people that go back to the same place year after year when there are som many other places to explore are weird so for that reason alone get rid of him!!!!

Regardless of what kinks/illegal activity he may or may not be indulging in, it is obvious that you are not compatible.

as Perrie says in her song ... if he wanted to, he would.

LEAVE!

So why did you suggest to go as well? He seems more worried about these reasons than you do….. wonder why? 🤨

First post nails it.

On the infinitesimal chance that he's the only solo male traveller spending weeks alone in Thailand every year and not paying for sex then he clearly doesn't prioritise your relationship and you should LTB.

You don’t live together, what ducks do you need to get in a row? Just get rid and get an STI check, he sounds rancid.

“steers well clear of those areas”

Of course he does dear. Of course he does.