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Original poster

DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

598 replies

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:00

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 10/09/2025 10:36

The fact he doesnt want to go aways with you for two weeks instead of himself

He just isn't that in to you

Bruisername · 10/09/2025 10:37

Joining the chorus about solo trip to Thailand being dodgy

if he’s really adventurous then why has he limited himself to one country over all these years?

sweetgingercat · 10/09/2025 10:37

If he thought Thailand wasn’t the place for you, then why wouldn’t he give it up and do something you could both enjoy instead?

This man is too selfish. You are way down his list of priorities.

KatyaKanani · 10/09/2025 10:38

Bruisername · 10/09/2025 10:37

Joining the chorus about solo trip to Thailand being dodgy

if he’s really adventurous then why has he limited himself to one country over all these years?

Yeah, it's a certain kind of adventure.

ParmaVioletTea · 10/09/2025 10:38

Or join him for just a week or 10 days. If he’s there for three weeks, suggest you join him just for one week when he’s settled in one place. Make it so that he’ll need to really say “No, I don’t want you there.” Then ask him why.

But you’re on a losing streak with this man. He doesn’t want to commit to you, let alone marry you.

Idinnaenah · 10/09/2025 10:39

OP, kindly, you can do better. Someone who wants to spend time exploring and travelling in your company for starters.

Pearl420 · 10/09/2025 10:39

Pearl420 · 10/09/2025 10:12

@Takethat88 please, friend, take it from me, someone who lived in Thailand for 5 years (family links), and goes back frequently. There is only one type of guy who goes to Thailand - solo - every year (!) in high season (Dec is the most expensive time to go), and that type of guy is into prostitutes. I sit next to them all the time on the plane on my way home (yuck). They may also do a bit of island hopping and trekking, but sex can be bought across the country.

Other posters saying not everyone visits Thailand for sex - unless they have close friends or family ties - the chances of a repeat male visitor, travelling alone, not being a sex tourist is incredibly, insanely rare. I mean this kindly OP, but you are being very naive.

Edited

Just to add...before I met my now husband he had lived in Mexico for some years, and at the first chance we had (friend's wedding) he invited me to come with him so he could show me the country he loved so much. We'd only been together 6 months. Why doesn't your DP want to show you the country he clearly enjoys so much? If he truly loves the country and it's culture and landscape in a genuine way, I think it's very odd that he doesn't want to share that with you - even when you offered to go!

Flossflower · 10/09/2025 10:40

Really, you need to terminate this relationship. Yes you can give him an ultimatum and he may go away with you this year but you will always have the problem that he prefers to go away without you. This isn’t a happy equal relationship and it will never be.

TATT2 · 10/09/2025 10:40

Assuming he's not a sex tourist - He's not really your DP. He seems like a boyfriend who isn't looking for anything serious. At 2 years my DP loved going on holidays with me. Booked me into his hotel, if I could arrange time off, when on work/training trips, so that I could explore the city, then have evenings together. He's not thinking of your needs at all OP. Ultimatums don't work - forcing someone to change/choose you is doomed to fail long-term.
I'd end it.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 10/09/2025 10:41

You haven't got any ducks to get in a row. You aren't married, don't live with him, have no financial commitments with him, no pensions you might need to share.

thebabayaga2025 · 10/09/2025 10:43

If you had no concerns about Thailand, and he had no concerns about Thailand, you'd be going to Thailand. He's an arsehole and very likely a prostitute user.

Annonymiss123 · 10/09/2025 10:43

Bruisername · 10/09/2025 10:37

Joining the chorus about solo trip to Thailand being dodgy

if he’s really adventurous then why has he limited himself to one country over all these years?

if he’s really adventurous then why has he limited himself to one country over all these years?

I wondered this too. 🤔

Bunionbabe · 10/09/2025 10:44

You used the word 'lied' about your DP in your thread title, OP, so you know that much about him at least. That's it really, what more do you need to know?

rainbowsparkle28 · 10/09/2025 10:44

Absolutely. He has told you in as many words multiple times where his true priorities actually lie. As others have said, the Thailand solo trips would also make me raise my eyebrows 👀🤢 And his clear reluctance for you to be any part of the trips either. Any decent partner would want to spend time with you and look forward to arranging things together. Am surprised you haven’t ended it before.

NutellaEllaElla · 10/09/2025 10:46

Don’t you want the kind of life where your other half actively wants to spend leisure time with you? You could have that…with someone else… He’s saying loud and clear that he will go away away with anyone but you. It’s embarrassing anyway that he’s clearly a sex tourist and that he doesn’t want to go away with you. Pick your self esteem up from the floor and give yourself the chance to be happy with someone else.

justasking111 · 10/09/2025 10:46

I've had friends who waited for years with a boyfriend, a couple of them got a ring to shut them up. All were dumped because he had found the one who he usually married fast. My sons married very fast when they found the one.

Of course @Takethat88 and boyfriend could themselves be very young

TreeDudette · 10/09/2025 10:47

My male partners first comment was "sex tourist". I know you don't want to hear it about your DP but it seems most likely. However even if it is not - he is hardly prioritising your relationship is he? This one doesn't sound like a keeper if you are looking to build a strong partnership and a long term future.

cestlavielife · 10/09/2025 10:49

Takethat88 · 10/09/2025 08:06

I don’t have concerns over why he goes to Thailand - he island hops, loves the food and exploring. He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

And you know this because you have been with him and he is very happy for you to join him there this year ...oh wait.....

Cosyblankets · 10/09/2025 10:49

It's quite simple
If he wanted to spend his holiday with you then he would
He doesn't
So he isn't
Throw this one back
You want different things

ThisCanFuckOffToo · 10/09/2025 10:51

BunnyLake · 10/09/2025 10:05

🤢 that’s a horrendous amount of time on a speedboat.

Show quote history

Yeah, it’s always my least favourite part!

Well, second least really with the least being any time spent in Phuket.

JimmyGiraffe · 10/09/2025 10:55

rainbowsparkle28 · 10/09/2025 10:44

Absolutely. He has told you in as many words multiple times where his true priorities actually lie. As others have said, the Thailand solo trips would also make me raise my eyebrows 👀🤢 And his clear reluctance for you to be any part of the trips either. Any decent partner would want to spend time with you and look forward to arranging things together. Am surprised you haven’t ended it before.

Edited

This. He doesn't have space in his life for a relationship

KatyaKanani · 10/09/2025 10:57

JimmyGiraffe · 10/09/2025 10:55

This. He doesn't have space in his life for a relationship

Show quote history

Well, not the kind that the OP wants, anyway.

Seagoats · 10/09/2025 11:02

hennybeans · 10/09/2025 08:01

When you say Thailand and he doesn’t want you to go, I think prostitutes.

Me too🤔

SuffolkSun · 10/09/2025 11:05

There are around 50 inhabited islands in Thailand, OP; as an experiment you could ask him how many he's been to on his island hopping holidays...

Objectively, he hasn't lied about his holiday allowance; he still has the same number of days. What he's done is prioritised a trip to Berlin with friends (as well as his solo Thailand trip) over a holiday with you. At his age (40s) and presumably the age of his mates, a "significant birthday" trip should involve partners/spouses, no? So why aren't you invited to Berlin?

Not sure an ultimatum is going to do anything other than clarify, for you, how he views the significance of his relationship with you. "Come on holiday with me, or the relationship's over"? What are you expecting the answer to be, given he's already happily bumped your time together for something else? Although if you ask the question, at least you'll know.

Capricornin · 10/09/2025 11:07

I'm sorry, but do you enjoy being taken for a fool?
100% there is no reason for him going to Thailand on his own and not taking you but for one thing, and it makes him a disgusting person. Everyone has told you the obvious and I feel like this is a troll post, because nobody would be that willfully blind.