DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

[Takethat88]

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

@Takethat88 please, friend, take it from me, someone who lived in Thailand for 5 years (family links), and goes back frequently. There is only one type of guy who goes to Thailand - solo - every year (!) in high season (Dec is the most expensive time to go), and that type of guy is into prostitutes. I sit next to them all the time on the plane on my way home (yuck). They may also do a bit of island hopping and trekking, but sex can be bought across the country.

Other posters saying not everyone visits Thailand for sex - unless they have close friends or family ties - the chances of a repeat male visitor, travelling alone, not being a sex tourist is incredibly, insanely rare. I mean this kindly OP, but you are being very naive.

Why are you wasting your time with this man if your goal is a long term commited relationship.

In old fashioned parlance he's a confirmed bachelor, he's telling you loud and clear that putting down roots and merging his life with another person is not something he aspires to.

Even if his trips to Thailand are wholesome, he prefers to do them alone and he travels through life so lightly that all his worldly possessions can fit into a single suitcase.

He does not want a life partner. I doubt it's personal. He does not appear to be leading you on, you are simply refusing to hear what he is telling you.

I worked for a charity that supports women who work in the sex industry, mostly street workers but the charity also did a information course for people who had been arrested for curb crawling and I will never again think that the people who use sex workers are are certain kind of man. They were from all kinds of backgrounds and didn’t look like some lonely perv. A lot were married. And that’s people who were using street workers. Nevermind the ones who used the multiple brothels in my city or escorts (we had no dealings with escorts or their clients).

So after two years, your boyfriend doesn’t want to go on holiday with you and doesn’t want to live with you. Not much of a boyfriend, is he? Time for him to be an ex-boyfriend so you can find someone who does want to spend time with you.

A man in his 40s taking a solo trip to Thailand every year?

👀

Come on, OP. It's such a cliche I could cry for you.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/m002jwhg/thailand-the-dark-side-of-paradise

Don't bother with the ultimatium.

And get yourself tested.

OP... if he has lied to you about his holiday allowance... why won't you even contemplate he is also lying to you about what he does while in Thailand?

Sorry, but you're being an absolute mug.

I must admit if a man told me he goes to Thailand regularly (ie more than once) on his own or with another male that would be major red flags no matter who he was (not just a bf, could be a work colleague). I would not believe for a minute it was purely for the scenery and food. Regular family trips fine, solo or male trips, absolutely not!

Surely he’s aware how dodgy it makes him sound, even if he’s not.

Sorry, your partner goes away for 3 weeks per year alone on holiday?

i mean, fine when single, but that stuff goes once he’s coupled up. A long weekend away on his own maybe but that’s not normal. Sorry, no way anyone is going to think that’s ok. The fact he doesn’t want you to join him is even weirder

I'm sorry - why doesn't he want you to join him so?

I’d never date a man who went to Thailand alone , or with his mates

Bollocks he is. He’s a sex tourist.

In his 40s, lives alone, doesn't own more than a suitcase-full of belongings, holidays alone, doesn't want you to tag along on his solo holiday, prefers to holiday alone or with his friends (have you done as much as a weekend away together?) - you might call him DP but I expect he thinks of you as girlfriend not partner.

This relationship is going nowhere; if you're happy with the occasional date/shag, that's fine. If you want more - and "Marriage - in an ideal world!" suggests you do - then he will never provide more.

I would move on - you and he are on different pages.

(And as has already been pointed out many times - he'll be approached in Thailand, will he really say no EVERY time?)

Going to Thailand and he doesn’t want you to join him? Hmmmmmmm, what’s that big red flag flapping in the wind? It reeks of sex tourism.

But more generally, he doesn’t have the desire to spend holiday time with you. If holidays and being all couples lovey-dovey are important to you, he’s probably not the man for you. Do you live together?

Yup.

Op he wants a single life with benefits. Please don’t waste anymore of your precious life with him.

My thought exactly. Possibly child prostitutes.

What ducks do you need to get in a row? You aren’t married to him.

So he's disappointed you, his love, more than once.

He goes regularly to this amazing place with amazing food and scenery.

You've expressed a desire to put your usual preference aside to join him, but he's insistent on going by himself.
Even though you're only asking because he's let you down again.

The man belongs to Thailand and his mates. Drop him and find a man that's interested in you.

We had a customer who did Thailand every year. He was sentenced to prison for running a child grooming gang and a dogging site. Still makes me shudder.

Hope you are getting all the STD tests @Takethat88

I’ve just hopped back on here to say, even if you don’t believe that he is a sex tourist, please get yourself a full STI screening. Just in case.

Yes, yes to the last two posts. STI tests asap.

then join him if you think it would be your cup of. say you are willing to try and ignore him and meet him there.

if he's adventurous and outdoorsy then thailand is great place to holiday.

go, don't take no for an answer

This