DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

[Takethat88]

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

I don't believe you for a second. Middle aged guy going to Thailand for 3 weeks alone every year and you steadfastly refuse to believe that he's going as a sex tourist. Yeah right. No one is this daft. Nice try op but pull the other one.

Plus the extended stag dos in Prague and Berlin ...

He's non committal about moving in. Ok, at least he's not future faking. That's something.

Of course if you do move in together you're safe in the knowledge that he could be 'out of there in minutes'. So even a commitment to living together isn't really a commitment. He sleeps with one foot on the floor ready to bail at any time.

He isn't non committal about his annual Bangkok beano or any plans to go away with friends though. Rock solid commitments there. Holiday plans with you however, are subject to change or complete erasure as you have experienced.

He set out his stall OP. He's not hiding anything here. This is the relationship he's offering you.

I was supposedly with someone like this. Didn’t want to do anything with me although made all the right noises.

Still messages me crap. Dump him.

I think Gary Glitters.

Please wake up and don’t accept this behaviour. You are just convenient for him as part of a seedy life.
he’s going there for one reason , so at least get checked for STIs .
you are worth much more than this.

@Takethat88 Having read the updates he probably finds your idea of a holiday rather tame, (lounging on a beach chilling, eating dinner at 7pm, no orgies)

But apart from that incompatibility he does not want to holiday with you or move in with you, two things which you do seem to want. And forget about marriage. Is he generally a bit unavailable and uncommitted - how often do you see each other, I bet it isnt more than once per week or less even?

How can you be so sure, though? You're not there, and he's a proven liar.

I couldn't be bothered.

Perhaps aim a bit higher with the men you date?

Thailand solo, Prague for a lads trip that he makes into a week? Not letting you go with him, come on OP he's a sex tourist surely.

I think he just likes his own company. It’s probably why he is non committal regarding moving into together too

Well this is isn't good is it?

He isn't even able to prioritise a week of his time for you let alone offer you a lifetime if commitment!!

Ooofe.

Sex tourist or not he’s not that into you.

Bin.

Thailand is nice, I've been.

No one loves Thailand that much they repeatedly go back just to island hop.

OP, just read you have kids- get that useless waste of a space of a pervert out of your house with his one suitcase and away from your kids. What is wrong with you why you bringing trash to your home?

I think under age.

Offer to go with on this occasion and he will have a dozen excuses why you can't.

Does he come home fatter or thinner from this 'luxurious holiday'? 🙃

Edit - I've just read your updates. He's just not up for commitment. If you are then you need to find someone else.

If you think an ultimatum is needed the relationship is wrong.

Of course, but he may have been tricked into it, or slipped and fell, through no fault of his own.

You can’t steer clear really, it’s everywhere. If he’s told you that then he’s lying as if you asked me a woman who has been on holiday there I’d say Jesus the bar girls were not picky they were trying to get me to go in the bars.

Even the best-case scenario is that you're bottom of his list of people he wants to spend his leisure time with. Come on, you deserve better than this, OP. Everyone deserves better than this.

He didn't lie about his holiday allowance. He just chose to go on holiday without you.
He has made his priorities very clear and you and your happiness are not one of them.
It's up to you whether you are ok with being so unimportant to him.
I would also suggest that you look at the nature of the trips that he thinks are more important than you.

This too.

Come on OP. Surely you can see this man is a walking, living, breathing red flag even before Thailand was mentioned.

That suitcase thing screams that he's doing something illegal.