to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

[OneGreatSheep]

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

You have two older sons who need to step up and a husband who is working long hours so not home. Get then into shape or you are making a rod for your own back. Nappies - get them delivered in bulk. You can't afford to run out of things. I'm a GM and I told my daughters ' there is no popping' get organised with the stuff you need or go without. You are coming across as a martyr. Don't sacrifice yourself. You have teenage sons - teach them how to do things otherwise you're raising a bunch of useless men who will end up being slated on MN for not supporting. Train them to do chores, take care of siblings, run errands. Raising boys to be men entails giving them appropriate responsibility. You, OP do not do popping anymore! Good luck. It will be worth it.

One is vaping in his room and another glued to his X box?
It's not the MIL who's the problem, is it?

When MIL declines frequently it’s best to stop asking.

she could’ve bothered for a few nappies for her exhausted DIL & her grandchild

Maybe she's pissed off with her DIL whinging about hard her life is, her son 'working long hours' and her being asked to pick up the slack. Maybe she thinks her DIL would be less exhausted if they'd not decided to have 5 children. Maybe she doesn't want to rescue someone who seems to make lots of bad choices.

It’s clear the op’s dh is opting out of parenting his 5 sons and the op knows that too.

Oh and to address your actual question. You running out of nappies is nothing to do with your MIL and everything to do with you and how you're managing your family. She doesn't want the stress of being called out because you've forgotten nappies!

Bless you - do you have any family/friends nearby?

I’d have got the nappies for you and you could walk around the block for some fresh air 🩷

Can’t you just use Deliveroo to get the nappies..?

I have two daughters and 1 son, they all have children. All my grandchildren are special to me and they all are treat just the same.
I wouldn’t dream of favouring my daughter’s children over my son’s.
My daughter in law knows she only has to ask and I am there.
Giving a little help, when needed!

Bloody hell, I wouldn't want to be relying on you for support or understanding.
I'm yet to meet someone who hasn't run out of something at some stage.
We are talking about a very short period of time that the request was made for

Why? It wasn’t mother in law’s choice for her son to have kids let alone 5. OP tneeds to have a word with her husband

What I would have done if I were the MIL is drop the nappies off rather than enter the chaos.

How many children (if any) do you have and how much support?

Spot on! 👏👏

It's not the number of kids. If they're being described as screaming, whining etc on here I would be reluctant to be involved too.

However, with the father absolving himself of any responsibility - because he works hard (because raising kids and running a house for a big family is a walk in the park) you have replicated that exactly in your own sons. I pity their partners down the line.

The problem is not your MIL. Look closer to home.

Why?
Nothing to do with me, a lot to do with the DH who appears to lack involvement.

I kinda know where you're coming from op. My mil didn't help us at all until dc1 was 6. We now have 2. My sil has two kids close in age. From day one she was onbhand to help. She will have her kids over half terms, weekends amd for random days. She live over 2hrs away and will drive cross country to pick up sil kids and drop them back. My eldest has stayed at hers once overnight in the last 10 years. It hurts for lack o a better word.

BUT we don't expect any help. We crack on and pay for child care when needed. She did once mention how much she help sil but then qualified it by saying the sil was just so overwhelmed - she NEEDED all the help.

I no longer think about it and just accept it for what it is. I'm not her daughter. I'm her sons wife. Thankfully, he does more than his fair share and we both share the load. Tour dh needs to step up and help more .

God -it sounds like chaos so I don’t blame her for not wanting that… sorry OP. And sorry - your husband is absolutely useless as well it sounds like. Happy to have the kids but too busy to look after them and always working late? 🙄

This. You need to talk to him about his work, cutting hours and/or get some paid support.

Most parents ( myself included) have times when they feel they aren't coping

Why? Because you are extremely judgemental and critical and seem to have zero insight into the challenges and reality of parenting (irrespective of the number of children)

My DIL snubbed me severely when her 1st baby was born and I was really hurt. Looking back I think perhaps she didn't mean to be so unkind, but I was so devastated by her curt brush-off I vowed never to offer help again.
You don't suppose you gave her a cruel brush off early on without realising?
Do you involve her in the day to day running of your household? do you keep her up to date with the children's hobbies - swimming club? rounders matches? chess club? whatever? I know I always felt excluded, and I did help out occasionally in emergencies, but I never felt appreciated in any way.
They are now grown adults, but I don't feel any empathy with my DIL and never will, she is just too cold and dismissive.

OP. You need to have a conversation with your husband. They are his kids not your mother in law’s choice
why doesn’t DH answer his phone when he’s working late? Would he answer if he knew the stress you are under.

This is your DH that is the issue here

You dont have a MIL problem you have a DH one.

Just because he works doesnt mean you should play single mum. MiL is allowed to favour her daughter over you, and its bet DH never asks her. These are MILs responsibility, but they are DHs

Also why couldn't you send DS1 or DS2 to pop out for nappies?

I would be out busy playing canasta! Sorry.