to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

[OneGreatSheep]

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

I think asking her to come over while you pop to the shop is actually quite insulting. It suggests you expect her to drop everything just for your convenience because you were badly organised. It's treating her like a skivvy.

I'd suggest it's actually less of a favour to ask her to babysit for an evening next week.

How rude and personal.
I haven't started a thread about problems, including one DC vaping in his room and another glued to his x box, have I?
I've advised her about getting more support from her DH, that's clearly the main issue. What have you advised her?
You're being very judgemental about me. Don't.

Does MIL work, OP?

I agree, I have a son and if he has children one day they will treated the same as my daughters.

OP, it feels chaotic now, and it's easy to blame mil.
When he does get home, have a conversation with DH about what's going on and what more support you need. I suspect that your 16 year old is having issues too. Have a plan of action between you.

Lots of mums are closer to their daughters and their kids that doesn’t mean its right but it seems to be the way. However they are your kids you can't expect help it's nice if offered but ultimately you and your dh chose a large family. Why couldnt he get the nappies or as others said your 16yo keep an eye on younger kids?

This is INSANE!!! Her son isn’t ’just a random man’ you weird arsehole. Both are her kids!

Five kids? Not a chance in hell would I look after them, not even if you were my daughter.
Ive told mine, I can manage one at any age and two once they’re potty trained. More than that and they’re on their own. I’m too old and too knackered

I think you put high expectations on MIL but low expectations of help on your eldest sons. Raise kids to act how you want. Why not send them to Tesco’s? They should be expected and doing that not you dragging three kids.

Literally. All they took from the OP is that she has five kids and suddenly projecting their own disproval to say OP doesn’t deserve any help.

You're happy for your 16 year old to sit in his room with an illegal vape, and for your 13 year old to play on his Xbox, but not to ask either to help you for 5 minutes, yet you “expect” MIL to drop everything for you?

Genuinely curious what she did??

I'd rather pick up the nappies than watch 5kids tbh.

Most mothers will favour their daughters it seems than DIL’s and yes people will think 5 kids is your choice but don’t expect others to help out. Might seem harsh but that’s how it is with big families. I’d have done a whoosh delivery or something rather than drag a few out in the rain.

“i just feel like if it was sil she’d be straight round no question. i wouldnt mind as much if she was fair about it but it feels like shes made her choice and its not us.”

How many children does SIL have?

I'm sorry that was your experience, but a blanket statement like that is ludicrous.

OP it sounds like you’re overwhelmed, which is not surprising at all considering you have 5 kids with a rather large age gap. I think you really need to sit DH down and explain that you are finding it difficult having no support. What is his job? Is it genuinely the type of job that he can’t answer the phone or does he just prefer not to? Either way, you need to have more of a support network around you because juggling that many kids is going to be hard work for anyone. And your DH needs to work with you to find a solution.

I don’t know what your finances are like, but would you consider paying for something like a mother’s help? A nanny? Even a babysitter?

ultimately you cannot force MIL to help if she doesn’t want to / feel able to. It’s a shame. But it would be better to accept this and put something else in place rather than being constantly disappointed.

No, she's going to get hammered for having 5 kids and then complaining that her MIL doesn't feel obligated to support her choice by 'helping out'.

Entirely OP's decision to have 5 kids knowing her husband does very little due to his 'long hours' and MIL hasn't shown any desire to 'help'.

SIL has 2 kids. It's in the OP.

Sorry but YABU.

Send your 16 yr old to the shop. Lay the law down with DH. Get a monthly Amazon order of nappies. This isn’t an issue for your MIL, why should she be picking up the slack for the lazy blokes in your family?

Given your MIL is 10 mins away and so is Tesco, perhaps you would have got support if you had asked her to get the nappies for you and drop them round rather than look after your children.

SIL is her daughter. If her SON asked her, maybe she'd be more inclined to help

It's MUCH easier to look after 2 children than FIVE. With kindness, I'd run a mile if asked to look after 5 kids

And, also kindly, from what you say, your children don't sound "easy"

PS - don't have any more children

Do you get on with her Op?

Perhaps she prefers to be there when her son is?

You have a dh problem