to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

[OneGreatSheep]

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

It seems the eldest wants to be a too too creators is never off his phone and doesn't do his homework in addition to the vaping. I can see why the MiL doesn't want to deal with the results of the OP's parenting.

She had been watching her daughter's kids. She was too tired to watch yours.

Frankly, you're expecting a lot of anyone to watch 3 and you're entitled to expect your mil to do it so you can go get diapers.

Organize your household. Your husband needs to be in this too.

dh never answers his phone when hes “working late” so its always on me.

If your DH can't be arsed to look after his own kids, I don't see why MIL should.

Something has gone wrong if a parent cannot leave the house without a sixteen and thirteen year old/ send the sixteen year old to the shop, providing they are not SN.

And if they are SN, why go on to have three more?

I thought the rule with having a lot of children was to "make sure that the oldest one can carry the youngest".

Mils can't do right for doing wrong can they? You didn't always have 5 chidren so how was she then?Talk to her,tell her how you feel.

I disagree, all people living in the house should be helping out according to their abilities. I would certainly first ask my DS to nip to shops, put a load of laundry on or run the hoover around than calling my MIL to come over to do that.

assuming your DH was happy to have such a large family, he seems to have opted out of the hard work of caring for them all

Yabu. Your choice to have children and 5 is an awful lot but your choice. I had one and my parents have never helped and I never expected them too. They got their own life.

Twins are different. The level of help needed means everyone has to step up.

That's simply untrue. Grandparents that don't want to help out with 4 or 5 grandchildren aren't going to suddenly become helpful because their DC has twins! Some grandparents just aren't interested or aren't physically well enough to help.

I can't believe you didn't send the 16yo out for nappies. Or left him in babysitting. If you currently pay for his phone, gym, pocket money for Vapes(!) Then you need to stop until he helps out more. Ditto 13yo should be doing chores.

@OneGreatSheep she doesn’t have to help but ofcourse it would be nice if she did.

I struggle with one child so God knows how you are managing with 5.

Your husband needs to stop working late, It’s so unfair on you.

I would bulk buy nappies and get everything else delivered, you simply cannot juggle it all xx

Nappies, milk etc are essential when you have a baby, that’s something you need to look at being more organised with - you must have been aware you were running low before school pick up today when you only had 1 DC with you.

Given your MIL clearly isn’t interested in helping stop asking. Do you ever invite her over for pleasure? I would feel annoyed of if I got settled at home then asked to come babysit because my DS/DIL were unorganised and 16 year old DGC refused to mind the little ones for 15min. As an aside 15 month olds never got the option to ‘refuse’ going in a buggy here.

its your fault you ran out of nappies. Your Mil Has no responsibility to help you. You chose to have 5 DC

No one has to step up. Only the parents are obligated to do that. Help from grandparents is a welcome bonus if it happens.

You had too many kids and that’s your own fault. And abortion or sterilization was always an option

and everyone saying that the husband needs to work less. LOL in this economy and with that gaggle of children?? Of course he has to work long hours.

The oldest three you dont really need help with it’s just the youngest two. You should definitely be relying on the oldest two to get last minute shopping items for you etc. I think you should focus on getting them to step up immediately rather than asking your MIL at short notice to do stuff.

Where are your parents in all this?

I was thinking the same thing. I also think five kid is far too many to expect anyone else to look after.

It’s just ticking all the right boxes isn't it?

5 kids, but not just 5 kids - they all are boys
a husband who 'works long hours' and 'never answers calls'
mil who lives 10 mins away but will only help her daughter
16 year old who is moody and vapes

I was taking care of younger siblings by the time I was 11. Your two older kids should be expected to watch their younger siblings while you popped to the shop with the youngest.

It would have been simpler for you to ask MIL to get the nappies and drop them off to you. Maybe consider that next time.
Or deliveroo.

Indeed. I use Amazon Fresh all the time. Same day delivery.

Rather than forcing the issue with MIL you need to be more organised.
With so many people in the house you can't be dropping the ball and running out of essentials like nappies.
It would be nice if your 16 & 13 year old would be more helpful, the odd trip to the shop now and again is hardly taking over parenting. It is about the smooth running of the household and everyone old enough should be helping in some way.
It sounds like a very chaotic household with everyone pulling in different directions and I don't blame MIL for staying out of it....your DH on the other hand 'working late' needs looking into, is he bringing home extra in his wage every month?

Yes, it's unfair that your MIL favours her daughter and her children over yours. I have 4DC so I know it's very hard work to look after a large family but it is a choice that we made and choice that you made too.
Having said that, I don't think you are helping yourself here at all. Why do you keep running out of such an essential thing as nappies for a baby? Why don't you make them a regular item and get an online delivery every week? If you suddenly need to pop out, your 16 year old is old enough to look after the children other than DS5 for a short time. Why are you letting him vape in your home and why is the 13 year old always on his X Box? Sorry to be harsh but you need to parent them so they aren't constantly on their devices and vaping in your home.