to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

[OneGreatSheep]

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

This is an anonymous forum so it can't be personal. I was reacting to your response which imo demonstrated near zero understanding of the challenges associated with parenting.
But we all see things from a variety of perspectives and that's the purpose of mumsnet

No. It did not demonstrate any such thing.
Stop being personal. I have given the OP far more practical advice than you have.
Now leave me alone, pick on someone else.

Or ask him to look after the others for half an hour?

OP, you've been given some good, practical advice on here. I know some people have been judgmental 🙄, but there are some good suggestions for how to move forward and help your situation.

It’s always on the woman don’t ya know.

If you had included a poll you'd have been voted into oblivion 😅 Of course you don't get to "expect" ANYBODY, ever to look after the five children you chose to have except the other person who also chose to have them.

Ask your father in law next time. Bet when he says no you don't write a thread whinging about it 😅

You can ask, she can say no. End.

She could have helped. Even if she finds having all the kids hard work she could have popped and got the nappies and then just hung around to say hi for half an hour. I don’t think people realise or remember how fucking lonely it is being with kids all day, even just a 20 minute grown up conversation can make such a difference. Plus the older boys don’t really need looking after, just the 4yo and baby… not so bad.

Its not for you or anyone to decide that for her

Its not for you or anyone to decide that for her

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Your house does sound a bit chaotic and disorganised so she probably prefers it at her daughters house who has only got 2 children. And there is a more peaceful atmosphere.

I have been a single parent since my children were 1 and 4 and neither my own mother, or my MIL ever babysat my children once. None of my children's grandparents had any interest in attending school things for my children either. My parents both went to my sister's son's school things though.

You can't make people (even family) interested in your children or want to help you out. I got extremely independent and learned to cope on my own. My teenage children don't have much interest in any of the grandparents though, so I guess they don't feel connected to them. Their choice.

Also, of COURSE she favours her own daughter, just like you don't realise how awful having to babysit your children is, she has warm motherly feelings towards her own daughter and a far closer relationship than she does with you - naturally.

She also only has two grandchildren at that house.

You're ridiculous. I am so glad she's not falling for your entitled nonsense. Get on with the job of looking after your own kids and stop moaning about it. Or keep moaning, it won't change anything, sounds like she's got your number 😅

She could have helped. Even if she finds having all the kids hard work she could have popped and got the nappies

Perhaps she doesn't see why she should, when OP has two teenage sons at home who are perfectly capable of 'popping' to get nappies. Perhaps she thinks the males in the family should step up and not leave it to the women to do everything.

I do think the problem in all this is your DH (have posted earlier but just caught up on all the later posts)

OP's children are the MIL's grandchildren??!

Shame there wasn't a poll.
I suspect it would be pretty overwhelming in saying YABU.

There are so many issues here, and none of them is your MiL.

OP, you have, more than once, hinted that your dh is avoiding coming home, with your inverted commas any time you mention work. Why aren't you blaming him ?

You have 2 teenagers in the house who you seem to accept won't help out in any way around the house (or nipping to the shop for you).

You have chosen to have 5 dc, yet seem to really lack any organisational skills. I've never run out of nappies - how are you doing it "again" ?
Why would you take ALL the dc out with you ?

Surely you could leave the eldest three at home at the very least while you nip to the shop?? And depending on how mature/amenable the 16 year old is, you could ask him to mind all of them. including the 4yo and baby. But certainly the eldest three should be fine at home with the 16yo for a quarter of an hour.

Wtf is it with the women on here shaming for the number of kids someone has. Oh to be as perfect as you quite clearly are (not)
Op obviously isn't asking for help with the older ones, and they're her mil's grandchildren as much as the other ones are FFS.

whilst in theory grandparents should want to support and spend time with grandchildren equally, it’s often not the case and very often it is the adult daughters children who are favoured above a son’s. Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do about it - I would do as others have suggested and let your DH organise contact with MIL now to free up your time and energy for yourself or the kids
Interestingly PP’s are suggesting that the reason why MIL doesn’t want to help is because you have 5 kids- did MIL help when you had 1 or 2 kids? Or did she help before SIL had kids?

I don't believe you're sitting there allowing a child to vape in a house with babies for a start, but if this is true I think you're taking the piss moaning about any help when it's your family. You don't get to police MIL's time.
I adore my GD, go over and above for DIL, but if they chose to have five, I wouldn't be running to provide any childcare. Even four and a 'surprise' is a hell of a lot for anyone.
It also sounds like your DH and the older one need a rocket up their backsides, if they are as you describe. You shouldn't need to do everything, but MIL is not your answer.

Why are you complaining about your MIL? Why aren't you complaining about your DH who should be parenting?

This!! Why do you need your MIL to nip to Tesco for 10 minutes when you have two teens in the house?!? How come the two of them can't watch their siblings for 10 mins?! That's ridiculous

I never expect anyone to help us (given my parents live 200 miles away and MIL sadly passed away it’s a good job I don’t) and this seems like a you issue. Why did you have 5 kids if you can’t cope?