to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

[OneGreatSheep]

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

So you asked her to come to you so she could watch the kids so you could go to the shop… sounds a bit faffy. Why didn’t you just ask her to grab you some nappies?

Fair point about op being the DIL - but they are still her grandchildren?

It's to their detriment???

Grandparents shouldn’t be expected to help with their grandkids because they don’t owe that to their kids but those same kids they aren’t helping should still help them out in old age? Lol.

GP often get to see their GK as much as they are bothered. They cut themselves off when they don’t visit or connect as well as not helping with childcare. Listen to parents and you will see many just want the GP to make an effort with building a relationship.

Can’t the 16 year old go to Tesco and buy nappies?

No he’s too busy vaping.

That's fair, but I'd like to think if I was asked, I wouldn't mind nipping out for 10 minutes in the same situation, if it meant my multiple small grandchildren didn't have to all be dragged out. Especially if they don't ask often, and I help out my other grandchildren a lot.
The husband plus older kids not helping out is a separate issue which obviously needs addressing. Maybe that's why MIL doesn't want to facilitate it. Or maybe I'm of a pushover attitude because I'd have wanted to help if it were me!

There is a thing called contraception , no need to have that many . Safe sex ‼️

They are DH's own children. Yet he's ignoring the phone and always ''working late''.

Or what about FIL? OP's own dad? Why is it always put on other women?

I don't understand why your oldest could not mind his siblings when you pop out to the stores for nappy?

Thank goodness there's a nearby woman to point the finger of blame at.

I would have asked the 16 year old to watch them and taken the baby with me, or asked husband to pick up nappies on his way home.

I had to Uber eats some pull ups for my autistic 6 year old when I asked my mil to pick some up on her way over but she forgot and said I should just tell him to use the toilet (oh, why didn't I think of that??!!). I ended up having a screaming row with some stranger because they had put temporary traffic lights right near my driveway and the driver was holding up traffic during the handover. Mils can be very unhelpful

Exactly this! Sounds like a madhouse!

I feel your pain. I think sometimes having a child with additional needs is just overwhelming. I hope things are ok for you at the moment, it's tough 💐

Ah, not good either!
OP, you have 5 offspring. You could have got nappies earlier in the day.
Vaping, not healthy, particularly for one so young.

And illegal for them to buy. Wonder who’s buying?

You and your husband decided to have five children. They're your responsibility and putting expectations on other people, no matter if they're family, is rarely going to go well.

You sound at the end of your tether OP. It would be nice if MIL helped but she is not obliged. People telling you to be more organised or use Deliveroo (definitely not available everywhere, including in my reasonable sized town 30 mins on train from a major city) are not helpful.

However, you are letting a lot of men and boys who should be more than capable and/or actually responsible for helping off the hook.

Your DH is useless and selfish, and your teen boys are going the same way.

Illegal indeed.
There are ways and means of buying the vapes I am guessing.

YNBU to expect help from your inlaws (because it’s very possible to provide support within your means, contrary to most on this app who presume it’s full on childcare or nothing), but you need to accept they aren’t going to.

The lack of active parenting from your husband seems to be the bigger cause of your issues. The air quotes suggest to me he’s using work as an excuse to stay from the home and this is adding stress.

I would look out for any fb groups for parents with multiple children and see if you can get some community and tips on organising from there.

Love, I'd do it if I was your nextdoor neighbour so I have no concept of family not helping!

Yanbu. I think if you're going to help with grandchildren, it should be as equal as possible.
Your Daughter and Son's DC are equally important.

your dh needs to step up. She’s bound to favour her daughter over her dil. That’s a lot of children for her to deal with and it was your life choice not hers.

It sounds horribly chaotic. Can you not online shop etc.

Was there an answer on where FIL was, and why (if fil is around) it's all on MIL to help out?