To find this little grave location so sad [TRIGGER WARNING]

[BlueandPinkSwan]

Our small local churchyard has been cleared by volunteers byself included and old graves of babies and very young children adopted, tidied up and planted with flowers. Looks nice and the little ones are remembered.
I was litter picking and found what I thought was a sheet of glass in some under growth well away from the other graves on the north side of the church, I cleared it to find a small grave with a granite covering of a 3 month old baby. Checked the church yard plans and there is no other burials near this one.
I work with family tree research as part of my job and looked up this child who had an usual name combo, they had no baptism records and buried in the north side where the sun traditionally illuminates for the shortest time of day.
There is so much space on the original church yard plans for burials the year this child was interred but seemingly shut away from other people buried there.
I know you don't have to be baptised to enter heaven but it seems this little child was being cast aside through no fault of their own.
Needless to say, I have cleared brambles and heck knows what from the immediate area, and now little one can have the sun for an hour or two a day shining on them and a small vase of flowers I'm going to replenish each week.
Perhaps should have put on chat but I feel detter for getting it out there.

The trees would have been a lot smaller in 1906. It might have looked a lot more enticing as a spot.

What culture is this, please?

OP, I used to work at an old cemetery with graves from about 1850-1950. Please keep in mind that the grave stone may have been moved, or the boundary may have changed. (I appreciate you have a map, but how reliable is it? We had some stunningly inaccurate maps). It might not be as sad as it seems right now.

Do you know where the church archives are kept? There should be a record of burials, possibly who paid for both the burial and the stone.

Granite was expensive so he was clearly much loved. If the parents couldn't afford it at the time, they might have done later in life. It might also have been a planned family plot but the family moved away.

As it's a church cemetery there presumably is no non-conformist corner (anyone not C of E).

Posting this on MN is giving me the same vibes as people who film themselves giving money to homeless people. Do it if it makes you feel good, but not for the 'glory'.

I'm not religious. My ancestors have been buried and we've been to visit some graves as my dad was interested in family history but more recently when people died they have been cremated so this might just be me and my own perspective. My ancestors' graves don't cause me any pain or grief. I didn't know them. It's nice that someone loved them at the time, but hundreds of years later I think it's nice that their graves are overgrown and back to nature. I like the PP's culture of nature reclaiming them (although I am bog-standard British/Celtic so don't have that culture myself). I'm rambling, but basically this thread makes me uncomfortable. If Church volunteers want to help, help the living.

Crikey.

@smallpinecone I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, I hope she was suitably embarrassed and ashamed of her behaviour once you set her straight and will think twice about behaving such a way in the future.

It seems a strange thing to me to feel that you are doing a service to an unknown dead child who cannot possibly benefit because, well, they are dead.

Sorry @KitchiBidziilVihoi can see you have answered and the conversation has moved on. I’d also be interested in reading about First Nations, I will have a look in the library at the weekend.

@smallpineconewhat a dreadful woman, I’m so sorry. Why on earth did she try to say she was his sister? Did she not realise who you were and then backtracked once she did?

Last year we installed a gravestone for a very distant relative of my husband who died a hundred years ago. Her grave was known but unmarked. Her granddaughter who is now an elderly grandmother herself was distressed that the grave wasn't marked. Her grandmother died when she was barely in her twenties and had a very hard and unlucky life. We agreed the wording with the granddaughter - we live in different countries - and sent her photographs. It is in a beautiful sunny cemetery very close to the beach. She was very touched that her grandmother now had a proper gravestone.

@smallpinecone my heart goes out to you.

True. That was how it was.

Terribly sad isn't it @The
It was inhuman to treat grieving young women like that. My mum said that a woman who had multiple children okingly offered her baby to mum. Sure she meant well but even so. Dr even said to mum afterwards "You're a young woman, you can have 10 babies if you want".

See things like this make me think I must be a sociopath. I understand thinking about a baby losing its life and a family losing their baby create sad feelings but I've never connected with the idea of like... doing things for dead people. Leaving flowers on graves, tidying and cleaning headstones etc. I understand it brings people feelings of comfort and closure. I don't get it.

This isn't a criticism by the way! I wish I did get it. I don't visit my Mum's grave but my Dad does. It would be nice to feel a sort of closeness. But when I tried it just looked like a stone with words on. To me whatever is left there doesn't know or care if I'm there or not, or if the grave has flowers on. Again it's not a criticism, just musing.

My brother died (2 days old, very premature) in the late 70s. I was 4 at the time.
There was a small service and burial I believe.
My mum has never gotten over it, and she couldn’t face visiting his grave, ever.

So, from the outside, his grave may look completely unloved and forgotten, but he is far from it.

I'd also be interested in this, please. Tried to DM you but it says "The selected recipient username is invalid." I'm from a part of Europe liberated by Canadians which included First Nations people, so, in a way, thanks again!

I'll start a thread later tonight with book and online recommendations and tag you and @mustbethat in it.

It is fascinating.

OP, the world needs more people like you.

I'll tag you too.

I turned off my DMs after all of those dodgy ones a few months back.

My husbands grandfather was a CodeTalker (and a smart cookie) and made sure he and others got paid well and on time. That enabled them to buy land and at a good time to be buying. I spend about half the year there now, the rest in Europe (including the UK). In fact I shall be off in four weeks for the winter.

That made me tear up. I salute you for what you have done and are doing. Bless that tiny baby. You are a very good person and I would do exactly the same.

What a lovely, kind thing to do, OP.
That little soul deserves a bit of care and attention. Bless you x

I remember my grandparents coming round and telling us that they had just bought their plot (and chosen one with a good view) so it does happen. They bought it in the late 1990’s and died 15 years later. It’s a privately owned graveyard next to the church which is full. The people who own the pub next door to the church owned the plots so they bought it whilst they were out for lunch there.

I very much doubt they forgot, but people have to live their lives which can mean moving away.

And? Is their boss going to blackmail them? All this pseudo- outing stuff is ridiculous. Likelihood of zero in your scenario anyway.

That's awful @smallpinecone. I hope she felt ashamed and gave you a grovelling apology when you told her. The actions were misplaced and I do see why you were upset. But the lying about who she was to him is shocking