To find this little grave location so sad [TRIGGER WARNING]

[BlueandPinkSwan]

Our small local churchyard has been cleared by volunteers byself included and old graves of babies and very young children adopted, tidied up and planted with flowers. Looks nice and the little ones are remembered.
I was litter picking and found what I thought was a sheet of glass in some under growth well away from the other graves on the north side of the church, I cleared it to find a small grave with a granite covering of a 3 month old baby. Checked the church yard plans and there is no other burials near this one.
I work with family tree research as part of my job and looked up this child who had an usual name combo, they had no baptism records and buried in the north side where the sun traditionally illuminates for the shortest time of day.
There is so much space on the original church yard plans for burials the year this child was interred but seemingly shut away from other people buried there.
I know you don't have to be baptised to enter heaven but it seems this little child was being cast aside through no fault of their own.
Needless to say, I have cleared brambles and heck knows what from the immediate area, and now little one can have the sun for an hour or two a day shining on them and a small vase of flowers I'm going to replenish each week.
Perhaps should have put on chat but I feel detter for getting it out there.

The UK doesn't have one culture. Burying people in churchyards isn't culture anyway, it's religion.

I am insulted that you think "our culture" is burying people on "consecrated ground" and that anything other than a beautifully tended grave is "unusual" to us. None of my antecedents are in that situation. So it's not MY culture.

Atheists can be buried. And they have no religion though.

There are quite a few books written about this subject specifically which are really informative. Definitely worth a look if you're interested.

Be prepared to go down a rabbit hole with it though.

I can only speak for myself, but if someone chooses to do this for my son’s grave years from now, they won’t be doing it for his benefit as they didn’t know him. It will be for their own. It makes them feel like a nice, caring person. I guess I take exception to OP’s overly dramatic description of the location as well, as though no one cared enough in life to do better for the child, leaving them in a dank, dark spot. That spot may have meaning for the child’s family. There may be family members in that grave she doesn’t know about. So people shouldn’t presume.

Be insulted all you wish…I care not a jot!

You say "clearly forgotten" but that's not necessarily the case.

I have great great grandparents graves I am aware of and visit if I am in that area, untended, back end of a churchyard (the main areas of the churchyard are mown, but this area round the back isn't), their immediate descendants are all dead, but they are not forgotten. I have once or twice made a small posy of wild flowers and put them nearby but I don't tidy or weed the grave (it would be pointless anyway as all the rest are overgrown too).

The UK for a long time had an overarching Christian culture. Not yours maybe, but it was that of the wider nation.

Obviously.

I also go and visit the grave of a woman who lived in my house and who died in 1954. Her father built the house in the late 1870s and her name and her brother's name were etched into two of the bricks on the house. She was a spinster and her brother was killed in the war. I found her grave by chance at our local cemetary- all broken and overgrown. The graveyard is next to our GP surgery so when I go to the GP I go and say hello. I like doing that. I usually tell her we are looking after the place and have a bit of a chat.

OP, your story is very poignant and gives me a sad, but peaceful feeling.

OP have you tried the Findagrave website? That's the one I use.
My mum had a baby ,before me, in 1970. She was premature, put in a normal cot and died 8hrs later. My dad and grandma saw her through the window of the nursery, my mum never met her. The area of the cemetery she's buried in are lots of babies and children from the 70s. Many graves neglected. I'll stand up grave items and flowers that have fallen over. Other than that I don't touch.

But this is a discussion board used by millions of people, so saying "our culture" has no meaning.

And even if we had an "overriding Christian culture" (we definitely don't now) there have still been many other cultures mixed in for centuries. So there is no "our culture".

Jesus loved children 'Let the little children come to me. For such is the kingdom of heaven'.

Not usually in churchyards though?

My atheist mother is buried. But not in a churchyard.

Are these thoughts of death and babies helpful?

Both my children have 3 middle names - they hate me!

1906 was the beginning of the pneumonic plague. Maybe baby died of that and they didn't know what it was yet so they were buried out of the way.

Have you checked to see if there are any birth or death records online, I know you said no baptism records. I would be intrigued to do a bit more digging

Got any places to start?

I’ve quickly googled for First Nations and war promises but come up with a massive range of subjects- obviously mostly referring to the USA and the wars with the First Nations there.

there seems to be awareness of the windrush generation coming over her but not First Nations.

eta changed my search and found a bit on First Nations immigration to the uk, but it’s telling me there were no state sponsored programmes like windrush.

so if you have any book recommendations I’d love them please.

Thank you OP. Your kindness and love is immeasurable ❤

I walk through a churchyard on my way to and from work and some recent graves never seem to have flowers on them yet some older graves from the 1930/ 40s seem to have flowers placed on them on a regular basis . I often see floral arrangements from weddings placed on graves too .

But here in the UK (I’m assuming that’s where OP is too) we have many cultures, religions, beliefs, preferences and we did back then in the early 1900s, and a long long time before then too. I know people buried in churchyards who went to church for weddings only. And I know extremely religious people who have their ashes spread in parks.

So ‘our’ culture doesn’t mean only one thing, ‘we’ don’t even come together to celebrate a World Cup football match, or Christmas, or Easter, I certainly don’t and I’m white british, born here, all my relatives going back generations are just like me.

dear God @smallpinecone how appalling. What a dreadful woman - who on earth does something like that?

I'm mystified by posters talking about choosing a particular location for a burial within a graveyard or cemetery. Unless you're adding someone to an existing family burial plot, in my experience you don't get to choose: you get the next spot that's listed to be used by the algorithms. None of this picking the place with a nice view. I think people are believing comforting but untrue stories they've been told by other family members.

I'll give you some recommendations when I get home, I have a couple which are a good place to start (can barely remember my own name sometimes let alone the names of authors).

There is a lot online as well.

If its OK I'll DM you later tonight with book recommendations, and links blogs/articles etc that you may find interesting. If its not I can start a thread and tag you in it?

I don't see that. It's such an old grave that I doubt there's living family or family around that are still attending the grave. Very sad 😢

Yes please :)

It's worth remembering perhaps that the churchyard may have looked quite different 120 years ago and the area with this child's burial could have been well tended and the trees less dominating. I wouldn't assume that the baby hadn't been baptised either, even if you haven't found an entry at the moment, anyone who's done family history knows that the records are not infallible and there are numerous transcription errors etc. Presumably this is an Cof E or RC church. Nonconformists who practiced adult baptism had burial grounds of their own and there were public cemeteries by this time, so if this grave is actually within the churchyard itself I'd say they had probably been baptised, on balance.

Also, it sounds like it has a contemporary marker and a later one so at one time someone or ones cared very much. I don't think clearing invasive vegetation from overgrown graves or even putting some flowers on the very old ones is wrong but @smallpinecone I'm so sorry you had that experience.