To find this little grave location so sad [TRIGGER WARNING]

[BlueandPinkSwan]

Our small local churchyard has been cleared by volunteers byself included and old graves of babies and very young children adopted, tidied up and planted with flowers. Looks nice and the little ones are remembered.
I was litter picking and found what I thought was a sheet of glass in some under growth well away from the other graves on the north side of the church, I cleared it to find a small grave with a granite covering of a 3 month old baby. Checked the church yard plans and there is no other burials near this one.
I work with family tree research as part of my job and looked up this child who had an usual name combo, they had no baptism records and buried in the north side where the sun traditionally illuminates for the shortest time of day.
There is so much space on the original church yard plans for burials the year this child was interred but seemingly shut away from other people buried there.
I know you don't have to be baptised to enter heaven but it seems this little child was being cast aside through no fault of their own.
Needless to say, I have cleared brambles and heck knows what from the immediate area, and now little one can have the sun for an hour or two a day shining on them and a small vase of flowers I'm going to replenish each week.
Perhaps should have put on chat but I feel detter for getting it out there.

Well I’m sure the child’s actual family cared and did the very best they could at the time, no?

She doesn’t want her MN name and posts linked to herself by people she knows in real life. That’s not paranoia it’s perfectly reasonable. Wind your neck in.

OP Your post got me quite choked. What a lovely thing you are doing.

That's a lovely gesture, Op. My dm and dd had a, stillborn baby in 1962 and weren't even allowed to see or hold the baby. A funeral or burial service absolutely wasn't offered. Then my poor mum was placed on a post natal ward full of new mothers and new babies... I'm so glad times have changed

In my culture we don't tend to graves, we let the earth do as she will. We also wouldn't baptise our children.

Not so much anymore as graveyards are so packed, but we would choose a corner away from everyone as well so nobody would be upset by the grave not being attended. We also have our own rituals, and laying flowers etc isn't one of them.

You may be feeling sad and attributing a backstory is for something that's simply part of a culture that's different to yours.

I don't tend to where my dc are laid to rest, and I don't lay flowers, but that's not to say they aren't loved and they are forgotten. We still honour our ancestors, including children who have died many years ago, well before my time.

I hope someone doesn't come along in a few years and think I simply didn't care about my own children. When I am long gone they will still be honoured.

I think it used t9 be beleived that babies that were not christened would go to purgatory if they died
I don't think that's a beleif anymore.?

I had a stillborn brother born before I was. He was put in a multiple grave with no headstone or marker of any kind. I did get to visit the site, but only because my brother (younger one) managed to do some research and find out where he'd been buried, so he could take our mum there. She'd never known where he'd been put, they just took him away immediately after birth.

Things were handled very differently in the past.

That’s not the point. The point is the op has shared the information with people she actually knows, so if anyone reads the name ‘AbcdE’, here, they’re going to know who’s posted, if she’s already told them the name is ‘AbcdE’, and may be able to link other threads or posts of hers containing information she doesn’t want them to know.

@KitchiBidziilViho In my culture we don't tend to graves, we let the earth do as she will

Wow that’s really beautiful.

Would it be outing to say which culture?

This is what I thought aswell as awfull as it is.

I was reading a book recently that was written in the 1920s. It talked about how local young men had come back from the war and died by suicide because of their trauma. They were not able to be buried in the church yard, so there was a space outside the church yard walls where these men were buried.

It made me so sad! A similar tale to this, I guess.

OP that is such a lovely thing to do. It’s made me quite emotional reading your posts, as a bereaved parent of a baby, you’ve touched a nerve in a nice way. Although I feel for that little one to have been separated away and in a location that receives little light.

You’ve done all you can to bring them into the light and show they are loved. What a kind person you are. ❤

OP is not worrying about me and you knowing her NI number, don’t be deliberately daft, she doesn’t want her friends with whom she’s spoken to in real life about it to recognize her and to read her other posts e.g about politics, religion, friends and neighbors.

I won't be too specific, but I am First Nations and my most of my family here still follow in the culture.

My family came over, as did thousands of others for the war, and weren't given what they were promised when they were being recruited and were pretty much stuck here after that, so there are lots of us.

I've been over to visit relatives out there a few times, it's my dream to move over and live there with them.

Thanks OP, this has made me cry and is the loveliest thing. I’m not woo or religious, but I swear things like this shift the world for the better just a little bit. We have a small grave in a strange location at the church next door. I once saw a beautiful, huge butterfly sat on it - it didn’t move when I went near and sat there for ages. I took a photo, printed it and left it (protected) next to the grave for the family with a little note as it really moved me.

Thats lovely OP - what a lovely person you are. I can't really remember but didn't Tess in Tess of the D'Urbervilles have a baby that died and she was not allowed to bury the baby in the graveyard as she was unmarried. So sad.

You’d be surprised.

i know the child’s name, i can find where they’re buried. I can then find out who the volunteers/staff at the church are. Not too much work to find o/p and her address from there.

but that’s not the point. The point is o/p doesn’t want her boss finding her posting history.

1906 is a relatively recent grave, certionly not a tine when the church had a stranglehold on society. The grave sounds quite expensive with a cross and a granite top.

I dont know how i feel about putting flowers on stranger's graves. Tidying up the place a bit yes, but i think tending tge actual graves and putting flowers on is an overstep

I had to do a lot of research on this for a recent book (I was writing about the burial of unbaptised babies in protected sites) and it was so desperately sad. I would assume that, by three months, this baby had been baptised and I wonder whether the site is isolated because the rest of the family intended to be buried there too, but subsequently moved away and were buried or cremated elsewhere?

Your middle section "outed" you to me.

My husband was First Nation as are our children.

Broken promises? How unusual.

l like to go around looking at unusual graves and photograph for various websites. I always find the babies, children, and war victims' graves the saddest. without blaming, maybe the child was born out of wedlock? In days gone by, and actually until recent times, that was a mortal sin.
When I am walking around, I often pull up weeds, etc from overgrown graves

I think it's quite judgemental to have decided people didn't care about that baby from your viewpoint so far in the future. I hope I don't have nosy volunteers judging our family graves. We have untended graves that we visit very occasionally, as in once every few decades, because the family have long since moved away. It doesn't mean those people weren't loved and aren't remembered. Nor does it really matter that nature has made her display of wildflowers, ivy and trees over their grave. That is the natural way. I would find it strange to find someone had cleared the nature away and laid flowers. Why do you keep mentioning the light and sun, I don't know why that's some sort of proof the family didn't care.Graves don't need sunlight. We visit the children's garden in one cemetery for a relatives child and it's a beautiful calm place of memory, the shade from all the trees doesn't effect that in any way. People tie ribbons and notes to the trees. Maybe the family chose a quiet leafy spot in the shade of beautiful trees where they could return to nature on purpose.

There's a surprising amount of us around.

I'm led to believe that the broken promises weren't unusual from those I've spoken to.

Certainly my Grandad and other members of my family were promised money and land if they came to fight and then it never came to fruition in the end.

I tidy the grave of a child who was born and died in my house. She was 11 when she died. She is buried in-between her mother and father though, which is lovely. I have planted some flowers on her grave.

Throwing some things out for you to consider.

The family may have been poor and unable to afford a grave. The vicar may have been able to argue for a concession for the child to be buried in a less wanted spot for what the family could afford.

That side of the graveyard may have held special significance for the family or even be the side closest to where they lived.

The baby’s family might not have had links to the church itself and a burial there was an act of compassion.

Remember the child was loved enough to have been given a grave and a marker stone. the parents may well have had to scrimp to buy the stone as many parents still have to do even today.

Those who knew the child in life have all died and so the grave has been left to rest in the care of Gods acre.

Check the church has not plans for that side to become a meadow or wildlife area under eco church guidelines. If It has then imagine a small child running ahead laughing amidst the grasses of a meadow.