Page 33 | To tell my high school bully to jog on?!

whattheheckkk · 2025-09-08T19:30:35+00:00

Name changed for this one. Really random. In high school (over 15 years ago) I was subjected to the most atrocious bullying by the same girl. I was pretty well liked overall, never really had a problem with anyone. I wasn't popular, had a little quiet friendship group. Except this one girl. I did nothing to her, but when we were about 12 she decided she hated me, and she made my life hell. She was racist towards me, she called me fat, she poured a can of Coke into my school bag during PE. She put chewing gum in my hair. She spat on my lunch whilst I was eating it. She stole my blazer and trashed it. Told me to kill myself. She even flicked boiling hot metal from a soldering onto my hands during electronics class. Much more but you get the jist. She had a little possy of friends who all laughed. My friends always told me to ignore her, but we were all kind of too quiet to say anything to her- she was scary tbh. I never let on to anyone, but she gave me the worst anxiety. I would rush to the toilet to vomit if she looked at me a certain way in the hallways. I'd cry myself to sleep about it. She never had a reason to hate me. I never told my parents or teachers. I don't know why, I don't really have an answer to that. Anyway. Fast forward. She messaged me 3 days ago. Saying something along the lines of: Hi. I know this is a really strange thing to do and I know you probably never wanted to hear from me again. But then went on to explain that she'd had a child a number of years ago and physically cannot get past the way she treated me. How she looks at her child and feels sick because of how scared and upset I must have been of her etc.. and she's terrified of someone treating her child the same way. She then proceeded to tell me she had been in a really bad depressive pit and has sought professional therapy, where the topic of me came up. Her therapist told her reaching out to me may be a way to close a door. Which I get, kind of- but holy fucking shit- she literally nearly killed me as a teen. There was a lot more to the message, she gave reasons for the way she treated me( bad home life apparently, which I do sympathise with) but then went on to say that of course it was no excuse. She couldn't make me forgive her and I didn't have to but it would 'help her close a chapter' 🙃 if I did. I haven't replied. To be honest I've been spiralling a bit since the message. I don't know why, I'm a grown woman, married, my own house and career, my own children. I did speak to my sister (who knew of the abuse as I'd told her years later). She basically told me not to reply and that she could bugger off. Part of me feels sorry for her, but I'm a huge empath. Anyway. This is a massive muddle of a message. What would you do?

Supersimkin7 · 09/09/2025 21:53

If It was me, I’d say the minute she feels true remorse is the minute she’s forgiven- we don’t need to know about it.

TruJay · 09/09/2025 21:54

One of my bullies approached me in our town centre as we were passing through some automatic doors (I was entering the store and her leaving) and she, very kindly yet sheepishly, said ‘hello TruJa…..’ before she could even finish saying my name, I just firmly said ‘absolutely fucking not!’ I don’t even know where it came from, it wasn’t even like I was saying it 😂my husband was so confused! She spent YEARS sending me Facebook friend requests too!

Fuck her, no way would I help to appease her guilt, depressed or not. She made my life miserable and she knows it.
Sadly, my son has had a similar school life to me and has had times he’s been suicidal. In his case, it’d be the same. Nope, you’re not and never will be forgiven for reducing my son to a shell of himself. If you ever come to the realisation of your cruelty and feel remorse, you can live with it. Bastards! We’ve had the ‘bad homelife’ excuse too, how the hell is that my son’s problem?!
You haven’t a clue what my poor son has been through either but you don’t give a damn about that do you?! You just see him as a vulnerable target. You’re bullying a child with special needs and you do not give a single fucking shit about it, I hope one day you do and it haunts you.

So in short OP 😅nope I wouldn’t be giving her the time of day. My only replies would be fuck off or silence.

StripyShirt · 09/09/2025 21:57

Letsgoroundagainnow · 09/09/2025 18:20

But you’ve got no right to spout off about “carrying grudges” you as the bully have no comprehension of how your victim/s felt and continue to feel.

How dare you try and belittle their totally valid feelings!

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I was making the point that the adult today is not the child of yesterday, ie they are effectively two different people, hence the futility of grudges.

Calliekins · 09/09/2025 21:57

WearyAuldWumman · 09/09/2025 19:21

It depends on how hell bent on forgiveness the bully is.

I tried to be polite to mine. Mistake.

Told her I didn't really remember her - she'd been on the periphery of the gang that harassed me - but she kept banging on about forgiveness. I told her it was a long time ago...She kept messaging.

In the end I tried "It was 50 years ago. There's nothing to apologise for." She wouldn't let it go and I had the encounter I've described upthread which appeared to satisfy her, but was in no way a proper apology.

I've since blocked her. Unfortunately for me, the badgering has brought back the horror of that time.

I've since found out that after she stopped bullying me all that time ago, she moved on to other people. I endured nearly 3 yrs of it, but the repercussions have lasted a lifetime.

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I guess sadly there is no pleasing some people, just awful how vile some individuals can be. Horrid you also suffered such bullying!

Original poster

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 21:59

Thank you so much everyone. I decided to switch off for the day and I've just spent a bit of time before bed reading the new comments. I'm so grateful for everyone's kind messages. I've never had so many people tell them they're proud of me ❤️ really, really lovely. Thank you for all the support. I feel really at peace with everything. I'm sure new emotions will still surface because after all this was years of abuse. But right now I feel a sense of relief x

Just a side note. To those saying I over reacted with my reply and that it was too harsh. That is completely fine, you're all welcome to your opinions, that's what I asked for after all! But I thought I would just add one more thing. I didn't want to put it in my original post as it is so dark and I feel so much shame.

So when I was about 13/14. I was walking home after a club. She knew I walked the back way and not many others did. She waited for me and assaulted me. She didn't punch me or kick me. Instead, her friends held me down whilst she smothered her used sanitary towel all over my face, in my mouth, in my eyes and in my hair. I had to walk another 20 minutes home covered in remnants of her blood. My parents were both in work when I got home. I showered and got into bed.

Her friends must've known she had gone too far as one told the teachers we'd had a scuffle after school and they spoke to us both separately and highlighted the importance of not fighting. My parents were disappointed I had been involved in said scuffle. I didn't say a word, too much shame.

So yeah, I feel pretty justified on my reply. Please imagine this happening to your daughter. Upon reflection, she was not damaged. She was evil.

OP posts:

thebabayaga2025 · 09/09/2025 22:05

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 11:22

So, I did reply about 30 mins ago. It's been looming over me and making me feel physically sick. I wanted to just block and move on but i was scared the sinking feeling in my stomach wouldn't go if i did that.. I wanted to be the bigger person and my reply wasn't overly nasty, just facts. But I thought, this is my opportunity to stand up to her. If not for present me, for past teenage me.

I wrote:

" Since high school, I have never met anyone like you. As unkind as you or as vicious as you. Which made me realise that I was never the problem. It was all you and nothing you've said justifies the abuse you inflicted on me. And see, wanting to close this chapter sounds like another YOU problem. I won't be providing you with a shred of dignity or reassurance that what you did to me was okay.

I'd say I hope you find peace and heal but I honestly couldn't give a shit. Hopefully no one ever tortures your child the way you tortured me, but if they ever do- only then will you realise how evil what you did to me was.

Contact me again and I'll ring the police. I'm a grown woman now and you don't scare me. And get a new therapist because prompting you to contact me was a bad move."

It felt liberating tbh and I feel years lighter. I didn't add this bit on but if you're reading this, fuck you Gemma. ✌🏼

Oh my goodness, this is fantastic. You absolutely could not have done better. Well done. You should be so proud of yourself. I have such a strong sense of right and wrong and this is absolutely RIGHT.

Floralibra · 09/09/2025 22:07

That is horrendous OP I’m so sorry you went through everything you did and you went through so much pain alone 🩷 this bully is evil and I’ll never understand how someone chooses to be so cruel. I hope you’ve been able to heal from having the chance to finally stand up to her and speak your truth. Your reply was brilliant and not too harsh at all, you could have said so much worse but you kept your dignity and you should be proud - for yourself now and for the child who endured so much and came out strong and beautiful.

🌻

thebabayaga2025 · 09/09/2025 22:10

StripyShirt · 09/09/2025 21:57

I was making the point that the adult today is not the child of yesterday, ie they are effectively two different people, hence the futility of grudges.

Show quote history

Nah. Only a bully would make this argument. OP doesn't have a grudge she has legitimate feelings about being tortured battered and abused by a vicious little shitweasel who has had the nerve to try to make the OP make HER feel better.

OP got on with her life and didn't try to get back at her abuser. OP had moved on until the vicious, bullying cunt who physically and mentally tortured, abused and terrified her approached her.

OP has now quite correctly told the abuser not to approach her again, feels great relief from doing so and will continue to live her own good life.

You sound like you hold a grudge against victims who stand up to their abusers and live happy lives.

NeptuneOrion · 09/09/2025 22:10

She could have been done for assault really.

I'm sorry you had to go through so much. Fuck forgiveness.

Horses7 · 09/09/2025 22:16

Well done OP!
Now forget that vile bully and live your best life!

jenny38 · 09/09/2025 22:17

That is truly horrible OP. I’m so sorry you went through this. Your reply to her makes sense. I hope she’s burning with shame.

TubeP · 09/09/2025 22:17

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 21:59

Thank you so much everyone. I decided to switch off for the day and I've just spent a bit of time before bed reading the new comments. I'm so grateful for everyone's kind messages. I've never had so many people tell them they're proud of me ❤️ really, really lovely. Thank you for all the support. I feel really at peace with everything. I'm sure new emotions will still surface because after all this was years of abuse. But right now I feel a sense of relief x

Just a side note. To those saying I over reacted with my reply and that it was too harsh. That is completely fine, you're all welcome to your opinions, that's what I asked for after all! But I thought I would just add one more thing. I didn't want to put it in my original post as it is so dark and I feel so much shame.

So when I was about 13/14. I was walking home after a club. She knew I walked the back way and not many others did. She waited for me and assaulted me. She didn't punch me or kick me. Instead, her friends held me down whilst she smothered her used sanitary towel all over my face, in my mouth, in my eyes and in my hair. I had to walk another 20 minutes home covered in remnants of her blood. My parents were both in work when I got home. I showered and got into bed.

Her friends must've known she had gone too far as one told the teachers we'd had a scuffle after school and they spoke to us both separately and highlighted the importance of not fighting. My parents were disappointed I had been involved in said scuffle. I didn't say a word, too much shame.

So yeah, I feel pretty justified on my reply. Please imagine this happening to your daughter. Upon reflection, she was not damaged. She was evil.

Yes she was evil. You must feel no shame. Those were the actions of a cruel and vindictive human being. You were treated appallingly yet have become a strong and incredible adult. You should feel nothing but pride now. You are amazing. She is nothing.

housebrick · 09/09/2025 22:24

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 11:22

So, I did reply about 30 mins ago. It's been looming over me and making me feel physically sick. I wanted to just block and move on but i was scared the sinking feeling in my stomach wouldn't go if i did that.. I wanted to be the bigger person and my reply wasn't overly nasty, just facts. But I thought, this is my opportunity to stand up to her. If not for present me, for past teenage me.

I wrote:

" Since high school, I have never met anyone like you. As unkind as you or as vicious as you. Which made me realise that I was never the problem. It was all you and nothing you've said justifies the abuse you inflicted on me. And see, wanting to close this chapter sounds like another YOU problem. I won't be providing you with a shred of dignity or reassurance that what you did to me was okay.

I'd say I hope you find peace and heal but I honestly couldn't give a shit. Hopefully no one ever tortures your child the way you tortured me, but if they ever do- only then will you realise how evil what you did to me was.

Contact me again and I'll ring the police. I'm a grown woman now and you don't scare me. And get a new therapist because prompting you to contact me was a bad move."

It felt liberating tbh and I feel years lighter. I didn't add this bit on but if you're reading this, fuck you Gemma. ✌🏼

I read your first post and didn't quite know how I'd reply/respond if I'd been in your shoes.

Ignore it, gushingly forgive, thank her for her communication, enter into a long correspondence, just tell her to fuck off or a combination of these.

Your response is spot on. You can't really forgive because she hasn't really apologised.

You've said it how it is and hopefully after past events have been dug up you can move on.

She should have said - 'I'm sorry for my appalling and cruel behaviour towards you. ' And left it at that. No explanations, no blaming on circumstances.

Members of her gang, those who held you down etc also owe you an apology.

All the best.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 09/09/2025 22:27

CoffeeCantata · 09/09/2025 19:13

But what do you mean by forgiveness? I find it a difficult concept.

Sometimes it may be possible to move on - to put what’s been done to you in perspective, to forget it most of the time and get on with your life. If victims of crime or bullying can do that, of course it’s beneficial.

I don’t understand what forgiveness actually is. I think it’s a trite and trivialising concept which people have been conditioned to feel they should acquiesce to.

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There are several definitions but for me, I think it would be up to the individual to decide that for themselves.

Over my career I have worked with many, many victims of abuse who have PTSD. When that has happened, people can have high levels of anger and bitterness - understandable, but ultimately quite self destructive and draining. It can be a factor in keeping people from 'moving on' - not that you ever forget traumatic events, but at some point you hope the trauma stops being such a central factor in their lives and becomes something from the past. If you were naming stages, you might think about the first stage being victim, then survivor, then going on to have a life where you thrive and live the way you want to.

Here's a definition from positive psychology - letting go of the need for revenge .
and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment.

Again, its not for everyone and all choices deserve respect. But for people who feel stuck after traumas, it can help.

Kurtcobainscardigan · 09/09/2025 22:30

I'm so sorry you went through this, it sounds truly horrendous. Your reply was perfect. I hope the emotions this has brought up for you settle soon.

May be an idea to block any of her friends who were part of the bullying too, if you can? Just thinking that they may still be friends and she may use them to contact you?

Ellie56 · 09/09/2025 22:31

Yeah fuck you Gemma.

That bitch is one seriously twisted sick individual.

Is she even fit to be a mother?

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 09/09/2025 22:36

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 21:59

Thank you so much everyone. I decided to switch off for the day and I've just spent a bit of time before bed reading the new comments. I'm so grateful for everyone's kind messages. I've never had so many people tell them they're proud of me ❤️ really, really lovely. Thank you for all the support. I feel really at peace with everything. I'm sure new emotions will still surface because after all this was years of abuse. But right now I feel a sense of relief x

Just a side note. To those saying I over reacted with my reply and that it was too harsh. That is completely fine, you're all welcome to your opinions, that's what I asked for after all! But I thought I would just add one more thing. I didn't want to put it in my original post as it is so dark and I feel so much shame.

So when I was about 13/14. I was walking home after a club. She knew I walked the back way and not many others did. She waited for me and assaulted me. She didn't punch me or kick me. Instead, her friends held me down whilst she smothered her used sanitary towel all over my face, in my mouth, in my eyes and in my hair. I had to walk another 20 minutes home covered in remnants of her blood. My parents were both in work when I got home. I showered and got into bed.

Her friends must've known she had gone too far as one told the teachers we'd had a scuffle after school and they spoke to us both separately and highlighted the importance of not fighting. My parents were disappointed I had been involved in said scuffle. I didn't say a word, too much shame.

So yeah, I feel pretty justified on my reply. Please imagine this happening to your daughter. Upon reflection, she was not damaged. She was evil.

Oh my word. The woman is criminally insane. That’s beyond bullying. She got off lightly with your response. I hope you have someone professional you can talk to as well. Please don’t feel ashamed. X

GobShy · 09/09/2025 22:37

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 21:59

Thank you so much everyone. I decided to switch off for the day and I've just spent a bit of time before bed reading the new comments. I'm so grateful for everyone's kind messages. I've never had so many people tell them they're proud of me ❤️ really, really lovely. Thank you for all the support. I feel really at peace with everything. I'm sure new emotions will still surface because after all this was years of abuse. But right now I feel a sense of relief x

Just a side note. To those saying I over reacted with my reply and that it was too harsh. That is completely fine, you're all welcome to your opinions, that's what I asked for after all! But I thought I would just add one more thing. I didn't want to put it in my original post as it is so dark and I feel so much shame.

So when I was about 13/14. I was walking home after a club. She knew I walked the back way and not many others did. She waited for me and assaulted me. She didn't punch me or kick me. Instead, her friends held me down whilst she smothered her used sanitary towel all over my face, in my mouth, in my eyes and in my hair. I had to walk another 20 minutes home covered in remnants of her blood. My parents were both in work when I got home. I showered and got into bed.

Her friends must've known she had gone too far as one told the teachers we'd had a scuffle after school and they spoke to us both separately and highlighted the importance of not fighting. My parents were disappointed I had been involved in said scuffle. I didn't say a word, too much shame.

So yeah, I feel pretty justified on my reply. Please imagine this happening to your daughter. Upon reflection, she was not damaged. She was evil.

The depravity of that assault somehow rings a bell of recognition. It is difficult to fathom that people that age could think up such a gruesome and obviously premeditated attack, but they do. I remember girls at school doing similar. I am so sorry that you had to experience that. Really bad. Perhaps you should have written her a list of all the things she'd done and said to you and asked her to read it to her therapist and post it on Facebook as a condition for forgiveness.

Laurmolonlabe · 09/09/2025 22:42

I would reply that "I do understand- but you need to understand how much you affected my mental health when I was a teenager - so the idea of even meeting you makes me feel ill.
Your behaviour towards me has affected your mental health, but it is not my responsibility to help you feel better about your unpleasant and vicious behaviour.
Expecting others to be a far bigger and more evolved person than you is very presumptuous- how was I supposed to get over your behaviour without help?
You are going to have to get over this without my help, because you damaged me too deeply- good luck."

Hotflushesandchilblains · 09/09/2025 22:43

And following on from my reply to @CoffeeCantata , I am not suggesting OP should have done anything differently to what she did. Everyone must handle things in the way that feels right for them.

OP, I do wonder about this therapist. It is likely that the bully has heard what she wants to in session - writing a letter to someone is a pretty well established therapy technique but you stress not to send it, its to discuss in session. Some people ignore the last bit. Its possible she did this or as a PP has said, is working the 12 steps and got to the one about making amends. IME, people doing this are often very self centred and dont think about the impact on the person they are 'making amends' to. That was certainly my experience from the person who sexually assaulted me.

The bullying you experienced was horrendous. I hope that you are feeling better for sharing - and wish you all the best.

Regionality · 09/09/2025 22:45

I’ve just seen your latest update. What an evil person she is.

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 09/09/2025 22:54

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 21:59

Thank you so much everyone. I decided to switch off for the day and I've just spent a bit of time before bed reading the new comments. I'm so grateful for everyone's kind messages. I've never had so many people tell them they're proud of me ❤️ really, really lovely. Thank you for all the support. I feel really at peace with everything. I'm sure new emotions will still surface because after all this was years of abuse. But right now I feel a sense of relief x

Just a side note. To those saying I over reacted with my reply and that it was too harsh. That is completely fine, you're all welcome to your opinions, that's what I asked for after all! But I thought I would just add one more thing. I didn't want to put it in my original post as it is so dark and I feel so much shame.

So when I was about 13/14. I was walking home after a club. She knew I walked the back way and not many others did. She waited for me and assaulted me. She didn't punch me or kick me. Instead, her friends held me down whilst she smothered her used sanitary towel all over my face, in my mouth, in my eyes and in my hair. I had to walk another 20 minutes home covered in remnants of her blood. My parents were both in work when I got home. I showered and got into bed.

Her friends must've known she had gone too far as one told the teachers we'd had a scuffle after school and they spoke to us both separately and highlighted the importance of not fighting. My parents were disappointed I had been involved in said scuffle. I didn't say a word, too much shame.

So yeah, I feel pretty justified on my reply. Please imagine this happening to your daughter. Upon reflection, she was not damaged. She was evil.

What the FUCK???!!!

I have no words. Absolutely unbelievable and I am so so sorry

Woofie7 · 09/09/2025 23:00

Well done you. The bullying I was subjected to coloured my whole life until I was about 50. When I had a stroke and that part of my brain often just doesn’t remind me anymore.
your reply was excellent and I’m so sorry for your suffering. Now you can rest, don’t let her have anymore space in your head. So proud of you

PollyannaGladGame · 09/09/2025 23:02

You did the right thing OP and I am so sorry for all you went through.

She doesn't deserve your forgiveness or to feel better about what she did.

Albondi · 09/09/2025 23:05

StripyShirt · 09/09/2025 21:57

I was making the point that the adult today is not the child of yesterday, ie they are effectively two different people, hence the futility of grudges.

Show quote history

The problem here is that also applies to the person that was on the receiving end. They now carry it with them.