Page 29 | To tell my high school bully to jog on?!

Daisymail · 09/09/2025 16:58

LittleMrsExhausted · 09/09/2025 11:40

Op your reply was brilliant. Fair and honest and dignified. You are a credit.

I wish YOU a happy New chapter on closing this door.
All the best to you and your children.

100% this.

Ewock · 09/09/2025 16:59

Mildmanneredmum · 09/09/2025 14:11

She doesn't feel awful about it, though. She just wants to do what her therapist has told her to, for whatever reason. If she really is seeing a therapist. If she felt awful she wouldn't have done it in the first place - she didn't have a conscience and hasn't suddenly grown one now. I was bullied mercilessly at primary school, so I know how it feels.

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Hi I was bullied at school as well so I also understand. I wasn't saying she did feel awful, ai was saying she should feel awful.

Jaws2025 · 09/09/2025 17:00

Would it be better if your childhood bully wasn't sorry for their actions?

Oioisavaloy27 · 09/09/2025 17:01

Well done op.pwrfect response and the therapist had absolutely no right to put you in that position

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 09/09/2025 17:02

LovingLimePeer · 09/09/2025 16:49

Oof. You don't have to forgive her but that is a strongly worded reply to a woman in a depressive pit who had what sounds like a potential abusive home life when she was a child.

Mumsnet is very good at 2 things:

Judging people and
Egging them on into things they may not have chosen for themselves if they'd had time for reflection.

I wonder if the OP will continue to feel good about this reply and how it might make this woman feel given they describe themselves as a 'huge empath'.

She may have been an arsehole to you when you were children, but she sounds like a very damaged and regretful former arsehole now.

We only have Gemma's word for it that she's suffering from depression.

DaylesfordBroccoli · 09/09/2025 17:03

ChicJoker · 09/09/2025 16:22

I do get that, but realistically somebody showing true remorse indicates that they’re not the person they were and/or are truly horrified with themselves.

20 years ago, you felt certain emotions
20 years ago, they inflicted certain emotions on you
present day, they apologise for that
present day, you apply your emotions from 20 years ago to their apology and character now.

I do get it but the OPs reply seems a bit much to me.

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The thing is I don’t give a shit if they’re truely remorseful, or if they’re horrified with themselves. They are still the same person who did the bullying.

Pdam · 09/09/2025 17:04

I'm so pleased you sent a reply rather than just block her, I was going to reply last night when I saw your post, suggesting you sent something similar to what you did. I was so angry that a therapist suggested she contact you, like you were going to reply "no worries gemma, all is forgiven 👍" she wasnt even contacting you to apologise, but for you to help her with her therapy sessions! I'm glad you sent that reply, fuck you Gemma indeed!

Apocketfilledwithposies · 09/09/2025 17:15

That is a fantastic reply op. Good for you!

Someone I know has cerebral palsy and their worst bully messaged them as adults to say they (the bully) now have a child with CP and they are soo sorry for how they behaved. 🙄🤦 So it's only not wanting their child on the receiving end that made them reach out. No reflection or remorse before that. Much like your bully it's all about them. I don't think my friend replied at all.

I hope this has helped you close that chapter of your life and the responses on here have helped you feel stronger.

DoctorMarten · 09/09/2025 17:16

👏👏👏 great response. Ignore all the “ooh a bit harsh” posts. Your feelings matter!

tsmainsqueeze · 09/09/2025 17:21

I think your response is perfect .
What she did to you is unforgivable so i hope she thinks about that and maybe lives a life with some form of atonement for what she did .
Anyway she doesn't really matter now does she ,you have a good life and this experience seems to have been a positive thing for you which i am very glad about , reading what she did to you was truly awful.
Bullying is one of the worst things , i hope you can move forward in life without the shadow of this vile woman .

Selflessness · 09/09/2025 17:30

Brilliant response.
I hope being able to tell her to fuck off feels fantastic.
Actually she also should feel better knowing you’ve survived and knowing also that the truth is she unequivocally was a bully.

HRTQueen · 09/09/2025 17:36

Great response OP

she can deal with her own guilt you owe her nothing

kinkiskarma · 09/09/2025 17:43

1AnotherOne · 08/09/2025 20:38

I could never forgive this but I would want to respond.

id probably go along the lines of ‘hope this made you feel better and I sincerely hope your child never has to endure what I did from you’

Good approach

kinkiskarma · 09/09/2025 17:44

Sorry, bit late for that… glad you are feeling better OP

WearyAuldWumman · 09/09/2025 17:46

ChicJoker · 09/09/2025 16:22

I do get that, but realistically somebody showing true remorse indicates that they’re not the person they were and/or are truly horrified with themselves.

20 years ago, you felt certain emotions
20 years ago, they inflicted certain emotions on you
present day, they apologise for that
present day, you apply your emotions from 20 years ago to their apology and character now.

I do get it but the OPs reply seems a bit much to me.

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What makes you think that the bully is showing true remorse?

WearyAuldWumman · 09/09/2025 17:49

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 09/09/2025 17:02

We only have Gemma's word for it that she's suffering from depression.

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Yup. As I've said, it seems that there's some kind of Tik Tok apology trend at the moment, hence the fact that I've been in a similar situation to the OP.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 09/09/2025 17:50

ChicJoker · 09/09/2025 16:13

this seems really unnecessary tbh. But whatever works for you I guess

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Tell me you’ve never experienced bullying yourself or to anyone close to you, without telling me.

YourEagerFox · 09/09/2025 17:54

Ignore her. You don’t know she’s telling you the full truth.

Pinkpommebear · 09/09/2025 17:55

whattheheckkk · 08/09/2025 20:30

Name changed for this one. Really random.

In high school (over 15 years ago) I was subjected to the most atrocious bullying by the same girl. I was pretty well liked overall, never really had a problem with anyone. I wasn't popular, had a little quiet friendship group.
Except this one girl. I did nothing to her, but when we were about 12 she decided she hated me, and she made my life hell. She was racist towards me, she called me fat, she poured a can of Coke into my school bag during PE. She put chewing gum in my hair. She spat on my lunch whilst I was eating it. She stole my blazer and trashed it. Told me to kill myself. She even flicked boiling hot metal from a soldering onto my hands during electronics class. Much more but you get the jist. She had a little possy of friends who all laughed.

My friends always told me to ignore her, but we were all kind of too quiet to say anything to her- she was scary tbh. I never let on to anyone, but she gave me the worst anxiety. I would rush to the toilet to vomit if she looked at me a certain way in the hallways. I'd cry myself to sleep about it. She never had a reason to hate me. I never told my parents or teachers. I don't know why, I don't really have an answer to that.

Anyway. Fast forward. She messaged me 3 days ago. Saying something along the lines of:

Hi. I know this is a really strange thing to do and I know you probably never wanted to hear from me again. But then went on to explain that she'd had a child a number of years ago and physically cannot get past the way she treated me. How she looks at her child and feels sick because of how scared and upset I must have been of her etc.. and she's terrified of someone treating her child the same way.

She then proceeded to tell me she had been in a really bad depressive pit and has sought professional therapy, where the topic of me came up. Her therapist told her reaching out to me may be a way to close a door. Which I get, kind of- but holy fucking shit- she literally nearly killed me as a teen.

There was a lot more to the message, she gave reasons for the way she treated me( bad home life apparently, which I do sympathise with) but then went on to say that of course it was no excuse. She couldn't make me forgive her and I didn't have to but it would 'help her close a chapter' 🙃 if I did. I haven't replied. To be honest I've been spiralling a bit since the message. I don't know why, I'm a grown woman, married, my own house and career, my own children.

I did speak to my sister (who knew of the abuse as I'd told her years later). She basically told me not to reply and that she could bugger off. Part of me feels sorry for her, but I'm a huge empath. Anyway. This is a massive muddle of a message. What would you do?

It'd be big fuck off. Or a series of😆😆😆😆😆😆 these.

Pinkpommebear · 09/09/2025 17:58

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 11:22

So, I did reply about 30 mins ago. It's been looming over me and making me feel physically sick. I wanted to just block and move on but i was scared the sinking feeling in my stomach wouldn't go if i did that.. I wanted to be the bigger person and my reply wasn't overly nasty, just facts. But I thought, this is my opportunity to stand up to her. If not for present me, for past teenage me.

I wrote:

" Since high school, I have never met anyone like you. As unkind as you or as vicious as you. Which made me realise that I was never the problem. It was all you and nothing you've said justifies the abuse you inflicted on me. And see, wanting to close this chapter sounds like another YOU problem. I won't be providing you with a shred of dignity or reassurance that what you did to me was okay.

I'd say I hope you find peace and heal but I honestly couldn't give a shit. Hopefully no one ever tortures your child the way you tortured me, but if they ever do- only then will you realise how evil what you did to me was.

Contact me again and I'll ring the police. I'm a grown woman now and you don't scare me. And get a new therapist because prompting you to contact me was a bad move."

It felt liberating tbh and I feel years lighter. I didn't add this bit on but if you're reading this, fuck you Gemma. ✌🏼

Yeah I like it. Spot on and we'll done.

SirRaymondClench · 09/09/2025 17:58

DaylesfordBroccoli · 09/09/2025 17:03

The thing is I don’t give a shit if they’re truely remorseful, or if they’re horrified with themselves. They are still the same person who did the bullying.

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Are you still the same person as you were when you were 11? Or 13?

Do you think people are capable of change? Or do we stay the same all our lives?

Because if people don't change what hope does society have?

Poppingmad123 · 09/09/2025 18:03

Wow there are some much bigger people on here than me but I would never reply to my bully as they don’t deserve the closure.

It is somewhat refreshing to see what goes round does eventually come round. I heard my bully married a violent man and suffered domestic abuse. Not something I’d wish on her but you reap what you sow…

I would only reply to explain the deep impact and suffering it had on me tbh and only if it was some form of therapy for me and if it helped to remind in great detail everything she did as I’m sure she will have forgotten the finer details of her behaviour.

StripyShirt · 09/09/2025 18:04

A group of us would bully someone in our class at school some decades ago.

I apologised to them recently. It was done sincerely and had nothing to do with making me feel better about it. I didn't ask for, expect, or think about forgiveness.

Children that do bad things can become decent adults, and there is no point in carrying grudges.

Perimenopausalmanicmum · 09/09/2025 18:05

Don’t do it!!
Why should she ever get to close that chapter when you can’t close that chapter? Why should she have peaceful sleep when you can’t sleep? Closing the door for her won’t mean her children will be free of bullies that will depend on who their peers are just like you all those years ago!! You have trauma from the way you was treated and she doesn’t deserve your forgiveness all these years later.
I bumped in one of my school bullies in a supermarket a few years ago and he looked rough and aged. When he tried to talk to me I just told him time clearly hadn’t been kind to him and walked off.
Bullies should have to live with their guilt when the bullied have to live with the trauma for the rest of their lives.

Ceceprincess80 · 09/09/2025 18:09

Do not reply if you do not want to. She has been directed by her therapist to do this and it's a legitimate strategy however you do not have to engage.
With bullying it's deep and nasty and horrible. She wants to feel better about herself but what about that scared 12 year old you? Just reappearing in your dms and life. If you do want to respond you could but I would not engage personally.