I've decided to be a mediocre wife

[Malara]

I've given up trying to get my partner to do better with sharing the mental load. He has improved a bit but I'm exhausted from having to be the family safety net when it comes to making sure everyone's needs are met.

So I decided this morning that I'm going to be a mediocre wife. I'm not going to anticipate other people's needs, I'll do things when asked - maybe even reminded a few times. I might not do them very well but that's ok, right? I'm deleting all my to do lists.

Is this a reasonable reaction to reaching the end of the line? ( I'm aware divorce is somewhere in our future).

How’s your new life of sloth OP? I’m picturing the children with mucky faces, carpets thick with crumbs and school uniforms smeared with bean juice? Am I close?

I don’t think you will be able to push aside your family’s needs. It just won’t be possible if you’ve been doing it for so long. I constantly suffer with the mother load too, and I always say I will just let my hubby stuff build up, but it bothers me if it just sits there. There’s a reason they say that single women and married men are the happiest people out there. Married men have everything done for them. It sounds so toxic, but it’s just what happens when you as a mother has a family and children.
maybe just make a list of what is an absolute priority. Then just do those and ditch the rest, put what you can on him. The word divorce I just fundamentally dosageee with, you’re really willing to lose your love over chores? Don’t do that. What happens when your kids grow up and those chores go? You really don’t want to grow old with your hub? This is temporary. Annoying AF but temporary.

Mansplaining, a sexist form of Godwin's Law.

Excuse me? Yeah so sexist 🙄. Atleast I’m not encouraging her to leave her husband?!? This is a reality for a lot of mum and wives?!?

Yes, if you said personsplaining I would have felt compelled to respond to such a sexist term.

No point in excusing the sexist term on the belief I was encouraging the OP to leave her husband when I was doing quite the opposite.

My post was saying, quite simply, that resentment is a bad feeling to have for one's beloved partner. The magic of this relationship has changed from, "what can I do for you" to "what can you do for me".

Perhaps this is a wake-up call for the OP and can choose the direction in her relationship she so wishes. A good time to sit down and talk to her partner. Hopefully he'll be still in the "what can I do for you" stage of this relationship.

wtf do you mean mansplaining by the way. Is the OP a male? I’m confused??????

While I do the 'chores'. Why see something so rewarding as a pain? I've written a book about them which turns then into pleasure

I would also up self care to mediocrity. Make a conscious effort to reinvest into yourself. I love solitude and pampering. I enjoy meditation and coffee. Doing things for yourself is so important.

If you expect the man to unblock the toilet, put the shelves up , put the patio down paint the house etc, but aren't willing to buy a couple of presents or pick some socks up , maybe your not even mediocre!

Why would anyone expect a man to do this?! Anyone can do said jobs and many men can also (shock horror) buy socks all by themselves without a chaperone. You are doing a disservice to both sexes to be honest.

I didn't say buy socks!!
And I've never seen a women lay a patio or unblock toilets! Guys do guy things women do women things. Quite basic really and worked well for 1000s of years!

@Misssmarty single mums do not get a man round every time they need a toilet unblocked… though in my experience it tends to be guys who block toilets in the first place.

I’ve painted almost my whole house and wallpapered it on my own, just two rooms left to do.

I hate to disappoint you but I'm a plumber and the majority of toilet unblocks are from
1 womens sanitary
2 to much roll down from kids

Your experience is really lacking.

I've done 4 patios, the last one by myself.

I do some of my own plumbing, including snaking the drain.

I also can build a wall without mortar and take down trees with a chain saw.

Sheesh.

Course you can !!

I'm really tempted to buy my dil Nigella's The Domestic Goddess for Christmas 😂

I do all of that! DH isn't safe with my tools!

Well if you've never seen woman unblock a toilet or sink, your frame of reference is very narrow

No, this is missing the point entirely

To recap -

"Woman! Know your place!

It is 100% your fault if your family turns into a 'broken home'!

The reason it is your fault is that a man can behave as badly as he pleases in his home. He can behave as if he has no responsibilities toward his wife or toward his children. Everyone knows this. It is a well established law of the universe, and do not attempt to discuss It!

But since you are a mere woman, it is your duty to run yourself ragged keeping it all together."

.........
Children see so much, don't they, and they are fully capable of deciding for themselves whether their home was 'broken', and who 'broke' it.

Wow, some of the replies on here are insane.

Yes, reaching out to other women in similar situations online is really helpful especially when divorce isn't always an option - or an easy one.

For the people asking, my children are still fed, clothed, loved and tucked up in warm beds at night. I even just braved an argument with my OH to make sure he brought my daughter a rain jacket as she has a school outing today and he is responsible for getting them ready in the morning (I work half time and pick them up and look after them alone until 6pm every day). He came back from dropping them off and was sitting comfortably at his computer while it's pouring down outside.

I insisted he go back to school with the rain jacket and put up with being told it was my fault for not telling him to give her a rain jacket and that I'm a nag and that I just have to shut up.

So please don't tell me I'm being selfish and putting my own needs above my children's.

Wow @ all the tragic gammon lord / tradwife responses.