To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

This sums it up, kids memories from annual trips across the world to visit relatives are precious. You’re stressing even me out.

Pizza for the kids, roast for the adults? Have a wonderful visit with your family OP I'm sure you all miss each other dearly.

YANBU to be annoyed about your sister opening the oven and putting a pizza in without prior discussion. YWBU to say you won't cook for them. Just talk to her in advance and work out a way to cook the pizza. They only take 10 mins to cook, you could shove it in when you're dishing up everything else.

Op perhaps you can talk to your sister about how she is coping with an autistic child. This may be me me being way over sensitive ( in fact it probably is) but I can feel the tears starting at your original post in sympathy with her. This after me being completely hardened to this sort of attitude you have as DS is now 20.

It is EXHAUSTING and ( yes sometimes even embarrassing so shoot me ) having to deal with the fact your child only eats certain things or behaves in certain ways or needs certain things when in company

Maybe she brought the pizza and didn't ask about putting it in the oven because she wantedti pretend everything was normal and had no desire for a big conversation over her child's needs. Maybe she didn't want to put you out. Probably both.

Ask her how you can best deal with the meal and bloody help her by not making her feel bad about having to adjust to her son's needs Since your sister lives so far away you won't be asked to help much don't worry!

As others have said it is one meal a couple of times a year. Your kids will survive having to eat a roast instead of pizza . She is coping with a real bloody problem which you might see if you looked past your disappointment at collapsed Yorkshire puddings

Exactly. You're AWFUL op.

Don't you think that your sister would dearly love for her child to just be able to join in and eat what's being served?! Don't you have any idea how lucky you are that you can just feed your kids whatever and they'll eat it?!

I wonder if your sister knows just how much you look down on her and judge her.

It’s one meal! How about you give your kids pizza with their cousin to help him feel more included? Your kids won’t miss the roast and will be a much more enjoyable experience for all!
my child has serious issues with food and I am always so stressed to go to other people’s houses for meals for this reason as I’d have to bring safe foods, I would like to think my family wouldn’t be judgemental but your comment is making me think again. Show compassion and make the day as easy for your and bung on a few frozen pizzas for the kids, even let them watch a movie together in another room while eating and the adults can enjoy adult chat at the table!

If you are getting up at 4am then you are making yourself a martyr and I’m sure no one else knows this. When I do a roast it takes a couple of hours. If I needed more I would pre prepare the previous day.
You need to spend time with your guests. I’m sure everyone thinks the roast is easy for you.
If it isn’t do pizza for everyone with salad. But do speak to your sister first - lots of Autistic people are quite restricted in what they eat. (It could be a cheap shop bought margarita is all he will eat.)

I’m with you- Yorkshires go with everything- not just roasts 😅

Agree to making a British Roast for sister only if she promises to not interupt your cooking.
Explain that you will have an air fryer set up in the laundry for her to use reheating pizza.

Or you could order pizzas in for the kids. Her choice.

Speak with the other children about dear nephew's dietry needs and ask them to decide early whether they can enjoy a roast with the family, or will be sharing pizza with nephew.

You sound very unpleasant and your emoji ridden jokey responses make you sound even worse. Giving mean girl bully.

Do you also have ASD OP?
To get so hung up and controlled about a roast dinner is very unusual. Also the fact that your DSIS felt unable to ask you to get a pizza for your nephew sounds like she was pussy footing around you.
Half of my family isn't NT.
Much give and take on both sides is necessary.

I was understanding your distress about ruined Yorkshire puddings, which are a reflection of ourselves, but the idea that you have 'extra' batter just means you didn't bake enough to start with. I thought you were a generous and caring host until this revelation.

This has turned into a pile on.
It's absolutely not on to call OP "awful" or imply she's a narcisstist

OP, I hope you've been able to get a different perspective from the more constructive replies, and that you find a solution that works for you and your family.

Worst worst scenario, the Yorkshire puddings collapse. So bloody what? Hardly a tragedy. DSis might be told off for opening the door and life goes on..which isn't going to happen anyway because if the roast goes ahead Dsis will be told not to open the oven and let OP put the pizza in when needed. So the issue here is that historically OPs Yorkshire puddings could have been destroyed but didnt, so this thread is about nothing. Or perhaps its about a self obsessed control freak who doesn't want to see her family who have travelled literally half way across the world to see her for fear her food will be less than perfect. I'm rarely mean on MN but honestly OP you sound so small minded and pathetic, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Why not just do a roast for all the grown ups and pizza for all the kids (with veg on the side, just in case they go for it!) - then you all get what you want

Separate meals sounds a good idea.

This time you would know though so could put the pizza in at a time convenient to you.

I don’t understand what all the fuss is @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar and given you eat seasonally and think of Yorkshire puddings as your one crime and given that you needed to remake them because they weren’t perfect I kind of think this is a rigid you thinking issue

your sister didn’t think it was an issue last time but you know now it is. So work around it it isn’t hard

and the fact that your children would be oven pizza over your roast isn’t it mine wouldn’t!

And asking if he can eat before he comes, that’s cruel

I think people overreact on threads like this and descend to unnecessary rudeness.

It’s just one meal. A meal that OP is kindly hosting. OP’s suggesting just doing pizzas for everyone, it’s the sister insisting on a roast. OP doesn’t like the roast being ruined by the inconvenient timing of cooking pizzas, and she doesn’t want to work hard at her favourite meal to have it dragged down by pizzas. Petty but valid.

Key to remember is that OP hasn’t said any of this to her sister irl - she’s venting anonymously on a forum and I’m sure will come up with something that works for everyone irl. No need to call her names.

Order in pizza for the kids and roast for the adults. He's autistic - it's hard work. I think your sister was being nice in sorting his food. See the positives. Your roast sounds divine BTW - even I wanna come :) enjoy it Op.

Yes as long as the family member isn't autistic obviously.

People can react to her post any way they want. She clearly knows zero about autism. A pizza takes 10 minutes in the oven, hardly an ordeal!

Thank you, I can barely even get a word in to reply tbh. It's 10 pages long in the space of an hour, every time I look up there's 10 more posts, and I've been called everything from a narcissist to a witch.

For the record, I don't look down on my sister. I just had a rant about my sibling and family FFS. I go to more effort than any of them when she comes over which is why my mum has basically told everyone that I am cooking and without me even getting a real say in the matter, I find myself shopping and cooking for about 18 people who probably won't even help me wash up. With a smile on my face.

I just thought it was a bit shitty that she came in my kitchen while I'm cooking and shoved in a pizza. It's bad manners and if she'd discussed it with me beforehand, I would have been able to accomodate just like I do with the veggies and vegans.

And I got up at 4am not because I'm a "martyr" but because I wanted to do an amazing, slow cooked roast lamb for my family. It was worth it because it turned out beautifully and I went back to bed till 8am anyway!!

Come on op. YaBU.
You should be flattered that your cooking is so highly rated and praised amongst the whole family. The fact that ds has been unable can't be arsed to feed her ds proper healthy food is sad. Sit on your laurels that you are doing fantastically on the food front. Maybe prewarn your kids that Austrailians have an unhealthy diet this may happen but they will grow up big and strong because you have fed them proper healthy food. And there will be a family pizza night next Friday

All those posters saying - oh just let all the kids have pizza. Maybe Op wanted her kids to have veg and the meal she has worked on all day, and is irritated that they won’t in favour of pizza (as most kids would probs opt for pizza over a roast). She is not being unreasonable.