To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

It seems very simple to me. If the DC would prefer pizza then let them have pizza to make lovely memories as cousins who don't see each other often.

If you don't want to cook a roast, say something and don't be a martyr. If you're happy to cook a roast then do it.

Someone else who knows nothing about autism and restricted diets.
I care so much about feeding my autistic child a healthy diet that I pay a fortune for a private dietician for him. Still couldn’t get him to eat roast lamb though.

are your children old enough to understand autism?

I dont think you do either. It is exhausting parenting an autistic child - on holiday - on the other side of the world - with huge expectations, emotions, visits, people, time zone and routine changes.

its a pizza. Do you really want to die on this hill?

Thank you so much xx

Order pizzas for kids, and cook roast for adults. No drama

Just say no you aren't cooking. Go out for a Sunday roast or carvery.

I would be using this situation to educate my children about their cousin’s autism and how it affects him, then give them the choice an adult roast or a pizza.

You don’t sound especially informed about your nephew’s autism op, I think it would help to understand more about it.

Everything being perfect and amazing isn’t what memories serve. It’s how we were made to feel.

It's 1 meal in an entire year. It really shouldn't be such a big deal for them to have pizza so they can join in with their autistic cousin.

Or just say it’s too much, and book a table in a restaurant.

Can you not offer to cook the pizza?

Order a pizza in then she can't touch the oven lol

A roast is the easiest meal to prepare. It cooks itself really. Pizza on the other hand, is an art form, unless shop bought. I buy pizza express frozen ones and cook then in the Ninja then everyone's happy.

Fuck her. She can't have it both ways. Do the pizza for everyone.

Another AIBU where the op only listens to her side.

Definitely feed the kids pizza first and join you later for pudding.
Cut back on all this effort too.
I think some people who never cook for anyone thinks these large meal are simply pulled from one's arse.
They are not.
They are huge work and effort.

So writes someone who did one last week! The work involved and effort when you are a fabulous cook and everyone loves your food is huge....and exhausting.

Definitely have HER organise the pizzas and sides for the children.

Not true! She has asked her sister if her autistic nephew can ‘eat before he comes’ which is pretty unpleasant to be fair.

Many people including myself have given balanced views with advice and understanding but op only wants to respond to people fully in agreement with her.

While she has every ‘right’ to do what she pleases under her own roof she is part of a family and people are rightly telling her that her behaviour thus far isn’t ideal and how to turn it around.

This.
OP sounds like my in laws. When they’re hosting a meal everything has to be perfect, no deviation from their plan, which means it’s often tense and stressy because inevitably things don’t go to plan. Whereas my dad is a much more relaxed host… the food might not be quite so perfect but the overall experience is much more fun (and no one cares that my autistic son eats cheese and crackers and chopped apple instead of the meal being served!)

Well maybe yours are the easiest things to prepare and cook themselves. Mine take a lot of love and care.

And I don't care how people want to take that comment. I am allowed to be proud of my cooking

Give all the kids pizza?sorted.

Ok. I think you need to dial this down a bit. Seriously.

She is your sister and she's coming from the other side of the world to visit you.
It's one meal. Do your wonderful roast, let the nephew have his pizza. You're all eating together and having a lovely time. That's it.

I am not sure why you are so upset op. Would you have offered to do this? Maybe you feel forced in to it?

I have a young relative with autism, she has plain pasta with cheese when she comes over - it takes 10 minutes. I actually think you need to educate yourself on autism and how it means choosing your battles and also having some empathy for child and her mother rather than being so precious about your roast. My kids also don't love roasts tbh and i would happily let them all have pizze.