To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

I would cook the roast and ask her to bring enough pizza for all the kids. Make it clear she needs to stay away from the oven. And try to do some research and learning about autism OP

If you've been here a while, you will notice this poster's posting style. They keep changing their name but it is the same person and it is very, very annoying.

😅🤣 The pepper is sprinkled with passion.

You still haven’t explained why you can’t have pizza for the children and roast for the adults? Where is the issue in that?

even if the children have to eat slightly earlier as a one off does it matter?

Cook the roast.

Well if I was to tell you that I completely remade the yorkshires out of the extra batter and already put aside and chilled, I would probably get called a narcissist or something so I won't be answering that question!

If you have a ND relative you absolutely have to process all of this privately and then to be frank ‘get over yourself’. And honestly a pizza having to be cooked is minimal in terms of compromise.

I have a ND relative and if I’m really honest I’ve had to give myself a proper talking to over my reactions which to be fair were probably similar to yours at first. The challenges and changes to our wider families lives though are far more complicated and day in day out though.

This is slightly different as they live so far away that 1)You may not be used to it and 2)You don’t permanently have to ‘change the way you are’. Just slap a smile on and compromise and be patient.

Be aware though that micro aggressions like ‘everyone should have pizza then’ and complaining about ‘slaving over your roast’ make you look really shitty and are massively unhelpful in the scheme of things. Basically have a moan to your partner and then suck it up…. sorry but you could be in that situation yourself and I would rather be in yours worrying about your roast ….

She can insist as much as she likes, you're doing the cooking so you decide on the menu!

Pizzas for the kids first, then roast dinner for the adults.

Ask DSis to bring her son’s pizza, and get the ones yours like. Plus whatever sides you have.

Feed the kids first, DSis sits with them while you finish off the roast dinner. Other adults quickly clear and reset table and help serve.

Kids back down for pudding with adults; ask DSis in advance what DN likes.

Would that work?

What do you want to do? What will make you happy? You can't go back in time and prevent an oven door from being opened but you can decide what to do next.

It really doesn’t have to be an issue at all, for close family you rarely see and a nephew who is only fussy due to autism.

Option 1: Kids have pizza. Adults have roast.

Option 2: You all have pizza and then on another day you go to a pub and everyone who wants a roast can, and kids can choose what they want from a kids menu.

I understand it could be an issue if it were a weekly occurrence, but a one off doesn’t have to be at all.

It's hardly a regular expectation for a roast dinner, unless of course your cooking is too hard to resist, she spends 1000's of dollars to taste it.

I’ve suggested pizza for kids and roast for adults because I’d rather have roast …

I don’t get this type of angst. If you choose to cook a family meal it naturally dictates options depending on the guests. If the kid won’t eat roast why would you worry about pizza? Your kids are old enough to understand not everyone eats the same.

Come on OP, you’re being ridiculous. I think you know you are really. Discuss with your DS before - say it was annoying last time when you opened the oven on my Yorkies. Don’t do it again. All the kids can have pizza.

Do you know anything about ASD?

Good Lord, I can see why she moved to Australia. She certainly won't miss her supportive family back home.

Just deal with it OP but tell her if she opens the oven while your yorkies are in you’ll bite her.

When it comes to her son having pizza, my DN is autistic and very picky (chicken nuggies kind of guy). When he comes round my kids know he has that because he has a medical condition. I normally let them have one nugget with their dinner though because I always steal one myself.

Obviously your sister is not much of a cook or she would have understood about your Yorkshires! That's probably also why she values your roast dinners. This time, check in advance what your nephew will eat and explain you will accommodate this and be responsible for cooking it (my grandchildren would want Yorkshire puddings with their pizza). Give all the children some pizza but add veggies etc to your DC's plates. Hope your family all enjoy the meal.

Absolutely astonishing to see from the OP and the jokey comments here the contempt that so many people have for the needs of a child with autism. A disability still not recognised or taken seriously by so many. Am feeling deeply sorry for OP’s poor sister coming all this way -with an autistic child!- to visit such a vain & preening & uninterested family.

And seriously, if your y pudding deflates if the oven is just opened once, you’re doing something wrong. Oven probably not hot enough. (Over 30 years y pudding experience speaking here.)

You need to educate yourself about autism OP, if you did you would understand why your sister cooked the pizza for her son.

Maybe she was thoughtless putting the pizza in when you were cooking your yorkshires, but a simple talk to her would have resolved that issue, instead of a passive aggressive rant about her actions and her son.
She is visiting from Australia and I'm sure exhausted from travelling especially with an autistic 12 year old boy. Bravo to her.
You say you love cooking and hosting, this does not come across in your post. If your family found this post, im sure they would be shocked how petty you are.

The other side of this is your sister supplied the specific food her son eats to save a family dinner that could've gone tit's up if she tried to make her ASD son eat a roast or asked you to supply the pizza and it was the wrong one. As someone else said, pizzas for the kids, let them eat first, adults have their roast. To be honest that's what we usually do anyway when hosting family dinners. It's not much extra work, just hopping a few pizzas in the oven!

Yes, actually. Thank you xx

I voted YANBU. I would do the roast and talk with her and say if you want to a pizza for DN put in after the Yorkshire pudding is done.

Give the kids pizza, let them spend some time together.

Cook to roast to outdo all previous roasts and spend some time with the adults in your family.

Everyone gets together for pudding.