To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

Your kids prefer pizza to roasts?
Baffling.

I also cook epic roast dinners for the family. The only thing that would have bothered me is that she opened the oven door when the Yorkshire puddings were cooking. Just have the conversation in advance and say you will cook the pizza so that this doesn’t happen again. If it’s a small one it could get put in the oven once you take other things out. You can explain to your kids that their cousin is autistic surely?

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · Today 08:12

I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

I spilt my coffee laughing at this. These are the words of a narcissist - their visit has to be all about you.

It seems to me a lot of people are missing the point here, it's not about the pizza per se, it's about OP's sister not telling the OP her intentions and brusquely opening the oven where the Yorkshires were cooking (definitely a capital crime, per pp) and shoving the pizza in. The rest, to do with the autistic child's cousins resenting his eating pizza whilst they are forced to have a roast, is irrelevant, really, as the OP can explain it to the other children beforehand if she is armed with the knowledge that this is going to happen again.
I would suggest @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar has a chat with her sister about her nephew's needs beforehand, in order to avoid the potential destruction of the Yorkshire puds, which would clearly be a disaster, and find a way to cook the pizza elsewhere, or later. Do you have a microwave oven which has a convection cooking setting? If so, use that! Failing that, if you can cook pizza in an air-fryer, maybe invest in one of those!

Your kids prefer roasts to pizza? Baffling... or just possibly different people like different things?

I certainly wouldn’t open somebody’s oven but I would ask if you could do a pizza for my autistic child who would eat that and not a roast. He’s not being picky, it’s how it is as I know as a SN parent. In this case, I’d do roast for the adults and order in pizza for the kids so you don’t have to worry about that.

i don’t have an autistic child, or in fact know any.

I love cooking and if my DH opened the oven whilst my Yorkshire’s were rising there’d be hell to pay

but neither of these things prevents me from knowing the OP is utterly unreasonable and unkind to boot.

Deary me .... can you find nothing else to worry about!?

OP you’re being all ‘hee hee’ and ‘lol’ about this but I think you’re actually being so so unkind.

He has autism and as you’ve said, will only it a very specific pizza. So, get over it.

And you’ve clarified that your issue is she opened the oven while yorkshires were in. So, obvious solution is to…I don’t know…maybe speak to her? Tell her you’re happy to cook the pizza but will take care of it at the appropriate time.

And as many other posters have said, serve all the kids pizza and adults roasts.

Honestly, it’s not ‘twee’ or funny that your nephew has this issue and you’re making it all about your Yorkshire puddings

.I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

My kids will want pizza if yours is having one.
So you chose but everyone is having the same thing.

Give up your burning desire to cook everyone a roast if they are going to be difficult or its causing you problems.

She can go to a pub and buy a roast.

.

My thoughts entirely-sounds like the least fun family ever. We would just have laughed about it for years. Also, perhaps it would be worth explaining to your DC that their cousin has special needs with regards to food, or like others have said, give all the kids pizza. It is ONE meal.

Also- why wouldn't you just say, 'fucking hell sis my Yorkshires! Leave it on the side and I'll do it!' and shove her out of your way, like normal sisters do 😁

Instead of silent resentment for 6 months and a post on the internet

Book a table at a local restaurant where everyone can choose what they want to eat. Takes pressure off you as well.

But were the Yorkshires actually impacted by the oven opening @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar Thos is critical information.

For one meal you do the roast. All the kids have pizza

It would spoil a good roast though. Homemade yorkshires only if you cook for friends or family!

I agree with you @PestoHoliday

They have come all the way from Australia, who knows what can happen til their next visit. Enjoy and stop stressing over silly things though I would be annoyed at the oven being opened.
Would funds allow for the dc to order pizza in ?
They would have fun deciding amongst themselves what to order..

Your sister was being unreasonable to not consult you in advance with the plan for the pizza but now you know you should try to find a way to accommodate his needs.

And also this.

Then have that conversation with her, ask what your autistic nephew can eat, and cook that for him.

You sound a bit too puffed up and please with yourself, and obviously have no understanding of autism.

I don't think you realise just how anguishing this to read @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar. It's difficult enough when your child won't eat the nutritional food you've prepared for them over and over again without having other much luckier parents being derogatory towards your baby (you feel very protective of them even though they are annoying and upsetting you with their refusal to eat good food and preferring chicken bloody nuggets).

Please have a bit of compassion towards your DSis and DNephew, they aren't trying to wind you up by turning down your fabulous roasts. They're attempting to avoid the stress of being presented with something the kid can't eat. It's not personal.

Even worse is when you get smug parents who state that their child eats everything because "We just gave them what we were having, I don't do fussiness with food!" Yeah, I gave my kid what we were having, and he ate everything I gave him until I gave him something he didn't like. And that set him off down the path of suspicion and fear that I was going to keep giving him food he didn't like. Autism goes hand in hand with overreactions and anxiety and, coupled with parental desire to ensure your precious child eats enough to do more than just stay alive, the whole process is wrought with anxiety and stress for both parties.

Don't be that person. Just cook the pizza he likes and feels safe with.

But surely she won’t do the exact same thing again OP? Like can’t you just speak to her, ask her to give you the pizza for him and you’ll put it on/sort it for him to protect your beloved Yorkies? If one of my nieces or nephews was autistic and had food issues I wouldn’t think twice about accommodating it.

I literally said in my OP that we could all just have pizza. Is Dsis that's insisting on a roast because she wants one.

This
Opening the oven door on your Yorkies is 😱 and I get your distress, I'd have been the same 😁
Although she probably thought she was doing you a favour, not trying to put you out in anyway and catered for her ds.
This time, ask if he wants pizza getting in and you'll do it for her. Give the kids a choice - pizza or your roast. (Mine would have gone for your roast, they love them)

The child is autistic. If you had any idea of the hell that some parents go through, trying to get their autistic child to eat enough to maintain health, you would not dismiss it as being a "picky eater".