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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

846 replies

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 08:12

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

OP posts:
Petitchat · 06/09/2025 16:09

Manorcedar · 06/09/2025 08:15

It's one meal for family you rarely see. Let all kids have a pizza party, decorate small table etc and have a bit of fun. Then adults can traditional toast and a nice catch up.

Great idea 👍

Mistyglade · 06/09/2025 16:11

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 14:07

Would you like some yorkshires to go with your hat?

Show quote history

Wow.

Original poster
Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 16:15

loonyloo · 06/09/2025 16:08

OP, I think your sister was rude to walk in and put the pizza into a full oven without asking you, and balance it on top of other food. Your initial post did make it sound like you begrudged your nephew the separate meal entirely, but I think you've made it pretty clear since that this is not the case. I've read all your posts but I haven't read all the responses so hopefully my suggestions are both constructive and not repeating what's already been said:

  • Could you borrow a countertop pizza oven? I know someone else suggested you buy one but it's a big expense for the sake of one meal.
  • Failing that, could you borrow another airfryer (or two, assuming you have the counter space)? That way you could do pizza for your nephew and the other kids instead of cooking one of the brand he'll eat and ordering takeaway for others. Just thinking that trying to time the takeaway delivery to coincide with finishing the roast and your nephew's pizza could be awkward and people eating at different times defeats the purpose of the family meal.
  • If you can't borrow any airfryers could you do multiple pizzas one by one and the kids could share them while the second/third etc is cooking? Not sure how that'll fly with the dynamics between the children of course.
  • is there any option for you to serve a basic starter like soup or something cold like pâte and oatcakes while you have multiple pizzas in the oven, and hot-hold the roast potatoes, yorkies and veg?
  • if you end up doing the pizzas in airfryers/countertop ovens, I'd suggest roping someone else in for pizza duty as you won't need the distraction.
  • definitely, definitely speak to your sister and ask her not to interfere with your cooking this time. Tell her you have no issue accommodating her DS, but that your timings etc are a big balancing act and the surprise appearance of the pizza threw you off the last time. Explain that you were cooking porkies from scratch and can't have the oven opened while they are in there (she might have thought you were doing frozen ones).

These are really helpful suggestions thank you so much and thank you for taking the time to read my responses xxx

OP posts:
Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 16:17

Calliopespa · 06/09/2025 16:02

Anyone else getting hungry ...?

For pizza? Yes

HappyInL0nd0n · 06/09/2025 16:18

devonmum8 · 06/09/2025 08:26

My son is autistic and eats about 5 foods. Not a choice, not being “picky”: it is part of his disability and incredibly difficult to manage. I would hope my own family would be understanding and accommodating. Your tone here is a bit dismissive of his special needs and, considering you don’t see them often, seems a little unkind as well. If this is the hill you want to die on, fine, but if I read this post about my son written by a close family member, I’d be quite hurt.

^ This. My son is also autistic.

IAmQuiteNiceActually · 06/09/2025 16:19

arethereanyleftatall · 06/09/2025 08:23

your thought process shows how unsupportive you are of your nephew, so perhaps your sister didn’t dare mention the pizza beforehand because she knew you would react like this?

Exactly. Often the main difficulty in managing an autistic child's food preferences and other behaviours, is having to justify everything to other people because they're so intolerant. They somehow think that a child they don't really know is suddenly going to eat a roast dinner just because they've willed it.

Chobby · 06/09/2025 16:21

IAmQuiteNiceActually · 06/09/2025 16:19

Exactly. Often the main difficulty in managing an autistic child's food preferences and other behaviours, is having to justify everything to other people because they're so intolerant. They somehow think that a child they don't really know is suddenly going to eat a roast dinner just because they've willed it.

Show quote history

Absolutely. The hardest thing about raising my autistic son is other people and their shitty attitudes.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 06/09/2025 16:22

Sorry but YABU. My daughter is autistic so I know how much of a struggle mealtimes are.
We are so lucky to have a totally inclusive family, one Christmas, so my daughter didn't feel like the odd one out, all 16 of us were served gammon, mash, macaroni cheese and peas by my sister who was hosting as they are the only foods that she would eat. I was moved to tears and my daughter has never forgotten that meal.
Lighten up, give the kids Pizza. Life is too short!

Carandache18 · 06/09/2025 16:22

Cook your lovely roast. Do DN a pizza. Make the yorkies the day before to prevent pizzagate disaster.
Joke about it.
(My family are divided into omnivores, vegans, veggie, vegan-with-no-mushrooms-or-onions and gluten free. Think of us on Christmas day.)

LordEmsworth · 06/09/2025 16:28

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 13:41

I feel like I did check beforehand. I invited them for a roast dinner. They said yes.

At no point did she say "oh, yes please, but X just eats pizza so I'll being it, can it go in the oven at some point?"

No.. she accepted a roast dinner on behalf of herself and her son.

Show quote history

Sure, you are completely in the right, your sister is completely in the wrong, and holding a grudge will make you happy. Enjoy it.

itsgettingweird · 06/09/2025 16:33

If you honestly love cooking

Do a roast with side dishes everyone can help themselves to.

Do a pizza buffet for the children.

Then your dcs can eat pizza without feeling left out and if they want the roast parts to can have some of that.

Doesn’t really matter if they have 3 solves of cheese pizza a few roadies and broccoli?!

cc99xo · 06/09/2025 16:35

Couldn’t find myself getting worked up about this at all Confused can’t see the harm of her neurodivergent child having a seperate meal if he doesn’t like a roast dinner ?

Original poster
Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 16:41

cc99xo · 06/09/2025 16:35

Couldn’t find myself getting worked up about this at all Confused can’t see the harm of her neurodivergent child having a seperate meal if he doesn’t like a roast dinner ?

neither do I?

OP posts:
Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 16:51

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 16:41

neither do I?

Show quote history

08.12
16.50
55 posts, every hour seen posts

would indicate otherwise

JustSawJohnny · 06/09/2025 16:53

Would you like your nephew to be less autistic for your meal time convenience?

I don't think it really works like that, babes.

Just make the roast and let your kids have a bit of pizza with their yorkies.

Really not a big deal.

I think you're more mad that you were volunteered to do it without speaking to you first and I agree that's annoying but, well, you've agreed to it now so you're gonna have to get over it.

Original poster
Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 16:55

Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 16:51

08.12
16.50
55 posts, every hour seen posts

would indicate otherwise

Edited
Show quote history

Sorry? That would indicate what?

That I can see the harm of her neurodivergent child having a seperate meal if he doesn’t like a roast dinner?

OP posts:
Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 16:57

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 16:55

Sorry? That would indicate what?

That I can see the harm of her neurodivergent child having a seperate meal if he doesn’t like a roast dinner?

Show quote history

A combo of you “getting worked up” over this
and you not having any plans at all today!

when is your sister due to fly?

Still can’t get my head around you holding on to this for 18 months!!

AnotherForumUser · 06/09/2025 16:59

Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 13:54

This OP won’t want to do pizzas because there won’t be any glory in it

Don't lie. The OP has offered to do pizzas for all. Dear sis said no, she wants the OP to do the full roast.

Original poster
Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 17:00

JustSawJohnny · 06/09/2025 16:53

Would you like your nephew to be less autistic for your meal time convenience?

I don't think it really works like that, babes.

Just make the roast and let your kids have a bit of pizza with their yorkies.

Really not a big deal.

I think you're more mad that you were volunteered to do it without speaking to you first and I agree that's annoying but, well, you've agreed to it now so you're gonna have to get over it.

Would you like your nephew to be less autistic for your meal time convenience?
No babes, that's not what I've said, babes, not even remotely, babes xx

I don't think it really works like that, babes.
Ok doesnt it, babes? OK, babes xx

Just make the roast and let your kids have a bit of pizza with their yorkies.
Yeh OK babes, but I was going to do that anyway babes, I've already said that babes, I wad just asking for some advice on the logistics of it babes.

Really not a big deal.
OK babes

I think you're more mad that you were volunteered to do it without speaking to you first and I agree that's annoying but, well, you've agreed to it now so you're gonna have to get over it.
Yeah but I didn't agree to it babes, read my post babes innit babes xxxx

Thanks for commenting hun xxx

OP posts:
DBD1975 · 06/09/2025 17:04

Gawd, I really want a pizza now!

IchiNiSanShiGo · 06/09/2025 17:09

DBD1975 · 06/09/2025 17:04

Gawd, I really want a pizza now!

DH and I will be having Aldi protein pizza with a pile of salad for dinner, while my DD(9) is about to have baked Boursin-stuffed chicken breast wrapped in Serrano ham, with kale, and Kalamata olive bread. Not sure how we’ve ended up with this arrangement 😂

Original poster
Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 17:09

Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 16:57

A combo of you “getting worked up” over this
and you not having any plans at all today!

when is your sister due to fly?

Still can’t get my head around you holding on to this for 18 months!!

Show quote history

It has consumed my every waking thought for all of those 18 months. I am a shell of my former self.

Why does mumsnet always think that if you bring up something that happened a little while ago, that you must have been seething about it for all of that time? It must have been the main focus of your entire life and you can't get it out of your head until justice is served?

My mum brought up sisters visit and having a meal together yesterday. The pizza thing popped into my head. I thought "oh yeah, that was annoying, hmm, do I want to do that? I'll post on mumsnet for ideas about how to handle it."

But of course, I must have spent 18 months of my life obsessing over pizzas and throwing darts at a picture of my nephew.

OP posts:
Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 17:09

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 17:00

Would you like your nephew to be less autistic for your meal time convenience?
No babes, that's not what I've said, babes, not even remotely, babes xx

I don't think it really works like that, babes.
Ok doesnt it, babes? OK, babes xx

Just make the roast and let your kids have a bit of pizza with their yorkies.
Yeh OK babes, but I was going to do that anyway babes, I've already said that babes, I wad just asking for some advice on the logistics of it babes.

Really not a big deal.
OK babes

I think you're more mad that you were volunteered to do it without speaking to you first and I agree that's annoying but, well, you've agreed to it now so you're gonna have to get over it.
Yeah but I didn't agree to it babes, read my post babes innit babes xxxx

Thanks for commenting hun xxx

Show quote history

Weird

Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 17:10

I have suggested that he eat before he comes

bloody hell. I missed this gem

Original poster
Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 06/09/2025 17:11

Nomorethan3 · 06/09/2025 17:09

Weird

Show quote history

So's saying that I won't cook pizzas because there's no "glory" but each to their own babes

OP posts:
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