To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

Maybe suggest someone else host Op?

Given your thread a couple of days ago was how pissed off you are about people not reciprocating having your kids over when you feed and host their kids!

In fairness op, I can't pretend I would go into just anybody's kitchen and put a pizza in, but in this instance you are sisters and I feel that makes a difference. Would I do it at my sister's? Probably, yeah, if I had a child who really wouldn't eat what she was cooking. I wouldn't SNEAK in but if she wasn't there when I thought it was a good time to get it in, I would just do it.

What we do with family and non-family differs. Even my BIL doing it might possibly annoy me. But I don't think it's all that gasp-worthy for sisters.

Cook the meal, get your sister to tell you what he will eat, provide that and leave the rest to chance.

I think you are being ridiculous and uptight. Give the kids pizza, have a long lovely lunch with the adults. It’s one meal

Just not nice enough to put a pizza in the oven for him once a year.

There isn't really anyone else with a house big enough to accomodate everyone. Mum downsized to a flat, other English sister lives in a small flat too. Brother lives far away from everyone and has to train it down here specially, adult niece and nephews all live in house shares, it just leaves final English sister and she's a great cook with a big house but she's incredibly unreliable and last time she cooked for us all she had gotten so drunk the night before and not been to bed yet that we all had to take over the cooking anyway 😆
So it's me or a carvery!

Yes I am.
I'm just going to make him sing for us all first, and then sit on his own with a funny hat on.

I'd make it a carvery then. I wouldn't tolerate somebody shoving things in my oven when I was cooking a roast for lots of people, there would be quite enough going on. Still think that the best solution is pizza for everyone, less work for you, no-one invading your kitchen, and DSIS can take herself off to a pub or a carvery another day. Your nephew won't get a pizza there...

Where will visiting sister be staying whilst visiting?

Ask your kids do they want roast or pizza ?

if they they choose pizza then not an issue. They can have roasts anytime

fees kids first. Then sir down for a roast

facing the wall, I think, op.

Bloody hell OP, some of these replies you’re getting are wild. I know AIBU is the home of the vipers, but so many of these replies are just unnecessarily rude / missing the point / ignorant.

I think you sound like you’ve got the patience of a saint, cooking for all those different dietary restrictions, hosting everyone, and accepting the fact that they probably won’t even help wash up.

Can I come round? 😂 Although, whatever meat you decide to serve, I will need mint sauce with it. Chicken, beef, pork, sausages, turkey - mint sauce. And stuffing. I am a heathen.

Anyway, enjoy the day when it comes around, and don’t stint on the gin.

At mums, she has two bedrooms

We do that too.
Sausage and mash with Yorkshires are called ‘Toad out of the Hole’ in our house! 😁

Excellent idea.

I'll make him wash up too

Yes, you can :)

My husband has mint sauce with every meat too. I don't put it out but he will find it in the cupboard. I look the other way and pretend it isn't happening 🙈

OP has responded to loads of the posters that disagree with her and who have been quite rude to her.

And now so do I!!

Anyone else getting hungry ...?

Here’s a variation on a theme of feeding the kids first with Pizza. Why not order in pizza for yours then there will be room in the oven for his special pizza and your roast vegetables and yorkies. Serve pizza and salad to the kids whilst you are drinking your second gin!

I'd message her along the lines of:

"Hi Sis, what food will nephew be eating when you come for the roast? Please let me know in advance so that I can plan accordingly. Please let me know if I need to buy it or if you'll be bringing it with you. I will deal with cooking it as I don't want anyone in the kitchen while I'm cooking, thanks"

Look, your sister was rude not ot ask you first. I suspect however she was frustrated tha tyou hadn't taken her DS' needs into account in the first place. I let SIL's constant ingoring of DD's dairy intolerance go for a long time but eventually I started getting rude and frankly outspoken about it after yet ANOTHER invite where she made a menu filled with dairy and I had to do yet another emergency run to pick up something DD could eat.

So the answer here surely is just to check that DS still doesn't eat roasts, what he will eat, and then to incorporate that into the meal. And if its pizza or burgers or chicken nuggets, just make enough for the other children and let the whole drama go.

Is this real? Your nephew is autistic and you won’t support your sister by giving him the food he likes? My nephew is severely autistic and not only will he only eat beige food accompanied by cucumber, he HAS to eat at 4pm every day. As I don’t have the enormous permanent stress of this, I happily accommodate no matter what we adults and his cousins are eating. My kids get it because he’s their cousin and they love him and they know he’s different. Maybe because I’ve always modelled kindness first and seen the actual content of the meal as secondary. I’d be ashamed to have posted this. Life as a parent to an autistic child is so so hard, the least family members can do is be there in a non judgemental way.

If this a real post then I feel sorry for you. No offence but your dream life is a little basic.

OP, I think your sister was rude to walk in and put the pizza into a full oven without asking you, and balance it on top of other food. Your initial post did make it sound like you begrudged your nephew the separate meal entirely, but I think you've made it pretty clear since that this is not the case. I've read all your posts but I haven't read all the responses so hopefully my suggestions are both constructive and not repeating what's already been said:

• Could you borrow a countertop pizza oven? I know someone else suggested you buy one but it's a big expense for the sake of one meal.
• Failing that, could you borrow another airfryer (or two, assuming you have the counter space)? That way you could do pizza for your nephew and the other kids instead of cooking one of the brand he'll eat and ordering takeaway for others. Just thinking that trying to time the takeaway delivery to coincide with finishing the roast and your nephew's pizza could be awkward and people eating at different times defeats the purpose of the family meal.
• If you can't borrow any airfryers could you do multiple pizzas one by one and the kids could share them while the second/third etc is cooking? Not sure how that'll fly with the dynamics between the children of course.
• is there any option for you to serve a basic starter like soup or something cold like pâte and oatcakes while you have multiple pizzas in the oven, and hot-hold the roast potatoes, yorkies and veg?
• if you end up doing the pizzas in airfryers/countertop ovens, I'd suggest roping someone else in for pizza duty as you won't need the distraction.
• definitely, definitely speak to your sister and ask her not to interfere with your cooking this time. Tell her you have no issue accommodating her DS, but that your timings etc are a big balancing act and the surprise appearance of the pizza threw you off the last time. Explain that you were cooking porkies from scratch and can't have the oven opened while they are in there (she might have thought you were doing frozen ones).