To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

But why should OP have to do both? She's said she'll happily just do pizzas this time so nephew feels included but it's her sister who is being awkward with her demands for a full roast.

This OP won’t want to do pizzas because there won’t be any glory in it

OP has also said that she loves hosting and wants to do a roast.

Because if you’re cooking for guests you try to give them food thst they will enjoy. It the OP was expected to cook two elaborate meals it would be different, but we’re taking about a roast and pre prepared pizzas. There couldn’t really be two much easier options.

The vipers really are out in force on this thread!

OP has already said she'll cater pizzas for everyone but that's not good enough for her sister.

I offered to do pizzas. It was my idea

All this seasonal eating/living doesn’t sound very joyful when you’re still out of sorts because she opened the oven door months ago and risked your yorkies being a little bit sunken!

It all sounds a bit controlling and performative.

Also given she’s your sister she probably thought you were familiar enough that she could use your oven without having to ask first. She was probably trying to save putting you out by asking you to do another job. My siblings would have done this and the yorkshires wouldn’t be a big deal, I’d mention it for next time, laugh it off and they’d still taste nice.

Also your ‘adjustments’ -suggesting your nephew eats first is othering and unkind. And passive aggressively making everyone have pizza would probably make your nephew (& sister) feel awful.

It’s strange that you didn’t just go straight to the obvious solution - to let the kids eat pizza and the adults have the roast which you’ve now accepted would work fine. This is why it’s coming across that you’re more concerned with showing off than you are about connecting with and caring for your nephew.

the Op wants to believe that because she thinks her roasts are something sent from heaven

The sis is an Aussie, she has a ND kid…. I would hedge a bet that she’ll be pretty bloody chilled if she doesn’t get a roast and pizza instead.

She hasn't said she wants to do a roast this time. She said she loves doing them, but to avoid aggro has already told sister and their mum she'll do pizzas for everyone this time. They're the ones kicking off about still wanting a roast, which is bloody rude. If they want one so badly, they could cook it themselves or go to a pub.

I can see why this is annoying. It is. It is also presumptive for you to cook. However, it is one meal and sometimes gritting teeth is needed to help with family harmony. Have a wine when cooking, it will take the edge off the pizza!

Ok but when I offered pizzas it was her that said no, she wanted a roast

Your sister should have asked but this is the sort of thing that should at most be a momentary irritation, not something you're still seething about more than a year later.

"I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love." The evidence would suggest that you actually love everyone praising your cooking and telling you how great you are, and their enjoyment comes second. I can't believe you suggested your nephew should eat before he comes, absolutely appalling.

Op you know your sister

she lives in oz, hardly known for being the most uptight of countries re protocol and she has a ND kid so she’ll be more than used to having plans derailed!

Just say… pizza for all, like it or lump it! And I suspect she’ll chuckle and breathe a sigh of relief

It sounds like OP still wants to do the roast to me. Maybe I have read incorrectly, if so then OP should just do pizzas and ask sister to bring the pizza nephew likes.

I think you get a pizza for him as he’s autistic and make the roast for everyone else and don’t make such a big deal about it!

From an early post by OP:

I literally said in my OP that we could all just have pizza. Is Dsis that's insisting on a roast because she wants one.

I don’t think what PPs are picking up on. It’s that you are still harbouring resentment 18 months later about something that is very non consequential.
Just let it go. I doubt she was being malicious unless there is a huge backstory.

You love cooking roasts, she loves eating your roasts.
Make the roast. Get the pizzas in for the kids.

Great. You’ll just to need to work out the oven logistics - pizzas in when you take the meat out to rest? Kids don’t normally take too long to eat. Just wondering when you’ll do the Yorkies though ..

Just this.

But…. Won’t happen

The DS has a ND kid and is an Aussie

if she’s genuinely uptight about having this blasted roast… I’ll eat my hat.

I reckon she was taking the piss a bit or even being super-thoughtful because she knows her sister practically orgasms over making her family roasts

Clearly there is no such thing as a roast that doesn't need Yorkshire pudding. Every roast deserves a good Yorkshire.

She’s also repeatedly said she “wants and likes cooking a roast”.

Would you like some yorkshires to go with your hat?

The sister lives in Australia but is clearly British, which is why she's so demanding about getting her roast! You seem to be glossing over every comment from OP where she's stated that, just to suit your "OP is awful" narrative. If she wasn't fussed, she'd have accept OP's offer to provide pizzas for everyone this time so nephew feels included.

So? She wants and likes cooking a roast but this time has suggested pizzas all round to include nephew properly in meal. Now that's not good enough and she should be still cooking a roast for her entitled sister?

This thread is giving me whiplash!