To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

But that was surely the fault of OP's sister – and their mum, to an extent – not OP? She only catered the Easter roast because her sister and mum asked her to – if the sister knew her DS wasn't going to eat a scrap of it, surely she should've piped up beforehand? She's the one who made a song and dance about wanting a roast and now she's doing the same thing, even though OP has said it would be easier all round if she just did pizzas for everyone.

It’s a Yorkshire pudding! How can this still be annoying OP for this long?! I wouldn’t give it a second thought bar a momentary moment of annoyance

This ^

I feel like I did check beforehand. I invited them for a roast dinner. They said yes.

At no point did she say "oh, yes please, but X just eats pizza so I'll being it, can it go in the oven at some point?"

No.. she accepted a roast dinner on behalf of herself and her son.

Honestly, the vitriol on this thread towards OP is ridiculous. She has come up with a solution to avoid any aggro during the forthcoming visit – pizzas for adults and kids alike. Then no child is excluded and everything eats the same. Easy-peasy. But no, entitled sister wants her roast and that's that.

Let's be honest, if OP had framed her original comment in a slightly different way – I've offered to make pizzas for everyone at a family reunion meal so we can have a lovely inclusive meal for my autistic nephew but his mum is demanding that I make a full roast for her from scratch – no one would be berating her.

Oh just let her shove a pizza in. It’s her son’s loss. Your dinner sounds amazing. She’s probably a bit mortified he’s eating like a baby and not enjoying your food. Just take the moral high ground and be a good host. Tell your kids ‘Look you’re eating my dinner if it kill’s you, you’re not having pizza like Jack. It’s ridiculous.’

She lives in Australia, don’t fall out and don’t make a big deal out of it for the sake of a kid eating a pizza.

She probably didn't imagine that him eating pizza would be a big deal, especially as she brought it herself and wasn't expecting you to provide it.

I think part of the problem is that you are willing to accommodate adult preferences of diet but are not willing to accommodate reasonable adjustment for disability in children. You seem to think this is all due to your sister ‘insisting’ that it is necessary due to his autism but you’ve decided he’s just fussy and your sister is pandering to him. Would you have been willing to provide and cook the specific food? Seems not or your sister would haven’t provided or cooked it herself.

I used to get this all the time. People with no experience thinking they knew best because their food was delicious. With a point to prove. My DC distraught because they couldn’t eat the food. Hours of calming before being ‘allowed’ to give them food they will eat. If we ever went back (family) it was on the firm understanding that if they were not able to accommodate we would bring and cook food for DS.

OT gave good advice. Don’t imbue food with social meaning and expectation. Try to find safe foods from each food group. Don’t make it a control issue.

I hope you have missed the part where OP said he is autistic.

Why on earth would she be mortified? He isn't eating like a baby at all, he's autistic.

because you are making a HUGE deal about absolutely nothing.

Tell your sister off for opening the oven, by all means, but getting into a massif huff when a 12 year old quietly is given something else..

and either your own kids LOVE your roast and have it anyway
or are completely not bothered and they have pizza too.. Everyone else loves your roast.

Why does it matter? Between Australia and England, it's not a weekly issue is it.
It's a party, your sister is here, Take it as a party.

With respect kids with food aversion are not fussy they are ill. If a guest had a broken arm would you be insulted if they didn’t use both their knife and fork?
Seriously, these kids can starve themselves to death, it’s just food.

I would go with pizzas for everyone then it saves doing two separate meals. Pizzas for all the kids while trying to cook a roast for the adults would be a pain. It doesn’t matter that DSis wants your roast so badly, my priority would be providing a meal without making extra work for myself. And pizzas for everyone means that you can cater for the different dietary needs with different toppings.

Why not tell me though, so I know not to cater for him?

Eating like a baby? What a disgusting comment to make about a disabled child. You should be ashamed.

but the OP says she loves making her roast? If she wants to make them, let her!

There's not faff about pizza, no one is asking the host to make their own dough

What does anyone of that have to do with the conversation about eating seasonably?

It was a separate conversation

Sweet Lord. Get a new family. Yours are hard work!

Wow you sound uptight!! Relax a little.

Wouldn't you have made him some anyway? You seem to think he should've tried some.

Every now and then I read a thread and think “wow, this OP really just doesn’t sound very nice, actually really quite unpleasant”

This is one of them

I don’t understand all the fuss about cooking a roast - it’s one of the easiest and most boring meals that you can cook, so it’s no hardship to bung pizzas in the oven as well for people who want them.

@Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar Just provide pizzas for everyone. If your sister kicks off about the lack of roast, just tell her you wanted to make your nephew feel included in the meal. She can't really argue with that.

Oh, and tell your mum she can do a roast at her house if sister is that bothered.

The fact your sister didn’t feel like she could tell you or ask you to source the pizza Op is quite telling in itself

100% Team Sister

I don’t see the problem with tgat?

ehats the fact problem? Tgat she didn’t ask you to touch your oven?