To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

Yes, this, interesting that people seem to be missing the point.

none, the OP is just miffed because not everyone faints in delight at her roast - when EVERYBODY ELSE is looking forward to said roast! 😂

Or maybe... I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them

I am sure it's nice, all the adults say so, but it's only a roast, who actually cares?

Yes, this. I think this has expressed what doesn’t sit right with me about the OP - the faux fun emojis are a facade.
It’s like something out of the dark ages - it wouldn’t occur to me to ask a child to eat before everyone else so my roast and perfect hosting was not tainted by their disability.

Yes, ideally the sister should have asked before using the oven but I can’t imagine mentally what she must be juggling esp bringing an autistic child into an unfamiliar environment. I doubt her intentions were to sabotage your cooking.

Cut her some slack, why wouldn’t you think - it’s my sister, this is not her usual MO, perhaps she was stressed trying to coordinate things for her DC and she didn’t process in that moment that using the oven would affect the Yorkshire puds?

“Compromising the roast.”
Seems like a bit of an overreaction.

Certainly not something I would be creating a MN thread about 18 months later.

it's because of the way the OP was written.

If it was :AIBU to be pissed off my sister ruined the food I have been preparing for hours by opening the oven at the worst possible time, instead of politely asking me?

posters would have been a lot more understanding.

Just make guests aware that the kitchen is out of bounds to guests when you’re cooking. Those who come to my house for dinner know very well to stay out of the my kitchen when I’m cooking, it’s invite only 😂

If this is the biggest problem in your life then count yourself as blessed lol

She lives in Australia so she rarely sees your family?
shes done one annoying thing ages ago and you are complaining about it.
you can have perfect Yorkshire puddings every other time but you see your sister what once a year? Jesus

yes yabu and unkind

I don't think so.

Not when it is clear in the OP when she says she doesn't want her autistic nephew eating pizza and he should be expected to ''join in'' with the roast because her kids will want pizza.

That is what some people will be responding to.

In case you opt for doing lot of pizzas - we make a full rectangle tray pizzas at home. That way you make more at one go.

It’s a pizza.

You sound like hard work.

As pp’s have said, kids pizza, adults roast. Done.

I too have Yorkshire puds with every roast, stew, hotpot anything x

I'm sorry but she wouldn't be welcome in my home again after the first instance of opening the oven while yorkies were in there WHO EVEN DOES THAT I'm absolutely disgusted on your behalf, infact I'd disown her.
On a lighter note do all the kids pizza and a roast for the adults but warn the sister if she touches the oven she will be taken into the garden and shot !

I think it comes over that you’re most upset that sister didn’t even try to get him to eat the roast. However if he’s autistic she’s probably already learned the hard way that he won’t eat roasts and it’s pointless to try. Autistic kids aren’t just being awkward or trying to get their own way when they won’t eat something, they would genuinely go without rather than eat something they can’t. A roast can present many problems- so many different flavours, colours and textures all on one plate and all
touching each other it’s overwhelming for them. Any or all of these could be the problem. Some autistic children have additional eating problems that severely limit their diets to just a handful of foods they can eat. But even without this, certain foods can cause problems. I can assure you that it’s a nightmare for the parents and sister has obviously identified pizza is a safe food. Insisting he try the roast would at best leave him eating nothing. Or at worst lead to a meltdown or him gagging and possibly being sick which would disturb the whole meal. However she should have informed you in advance that the pizza would be necessary and definitely not randomly put it in the oven. For this year. Ask her in advance what he will be eating so you can plan your timings for other delicate items around it. Then sit your kids down. Explain that he can’t eat certain foods and so will be having pizza instead. That it’s not a treat it’s because he can’t eat the roast. Then either tell them that they will be having the roast so they can prepare in advance. Or ask them if for this one day they would prefer the roast or pizza. Let the kids have kids food while the adults enjoy the roast. It doesn’t need to ruin the day you just need to plan around it.

just give the kids pizza, they can have your roasts anytime you feel like doing it

It's so annoying when people zone in on one comment and don't read the full conversation.

Someone called me boring and joyless (or words to that effect) for doing things like eating seasonably and I was responding to that and it's nastiness. I was sticking up for myself and showing that I actually do get lots of joy from it and it doesn't make me boring.

Nothing to do with flexing and wanting a pat on the back.

I don't get how you've managed to twist it so OP is the bad guy regarding for the forthcoming visit. She's suggested she just does pizzas this time to cater for everyone – exactly so her nephew doesn't feel excluded and everyone eats the same. But that's not good enough for her entitled sister – she is demanding OP produces a full works roast regardless of her son being excluded. There's only one sibling that's being unreasonable here and it's not OP!

Pizza for the kids and roasts for the adults
It really is simple !!!

She handled it poorly, we have a kind of nephew with ARFID - I didn’t know the first time I hosted them and was totally thrown when his mum came in asking for a pan and oil while I was cooking (to fry his nuggets). Next time I bought the same brand and did them in the oven, which didn’t work so the other kids ate them and she cooked his.

Now he eats even less, so basically just one brand of pizza. We stagger his pizza to a bit before or after the meal and all the kids get one slice and then eat the meal, and he gets the rest.

It’s so frustrating because all the kids miss out on what should be a normal meal, but it’s also okay and now that mine are older we do explain it as a food restriction - but I also share my gf food.

Other sister is flexatarian which means I have to ring her before she comes and ask if she's vegan, veggie, or eating meat this week

I think this would annoy me way more than anything else.
Aren't we all flexitarian in that we think about what we fancy eating and cook accordingly? Giving it a name means you have to accommodate her fussiness as a dietary requirement.

I actually do get lots of joy from it

It's great, but it doesn't mean everyone else around you does get the same joy.
Many of us enjoy nice food, but it's only food, it's not a big deal. Reheating something from Cook or the local deli works just as well when it's about having a good time with friends and family, even better if it means not waking up at dawn 😂

Ok?

Did I say everyone around me needs to get the same joy?

Sorry, I genuinely don't understand why you've said that?

She even knows she's annoying. Her husband mocks her for it all the time lol

When my nieces and nephews come for dinner, I always check beforehand that there will be something they will enjoy eating. Is that not standard normal behaviour? I'd be incredibly embarrassed to find out that I hadn't catered for someone at the last minute.

So maybe you're both rude. Maybe it's not clearcut good versus evil, and you both are a bit at fault but also trying to do your best?

Or just cling onto and cherish your grudge.

Omg what a big drama over nothing. Ask her in advance what nephew would like to eat. If it’s pizza, then give all the kids pizza and just do a roast for the adults. It’s supposed to be a nice happy family time. Why get stressed out over cooking/food? Just enjoy the time with them. Most autistic kids wouldn’t eat a roast mine included (though one won’t eat pizza either!)