To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

I think getting up at 4am to cook anything is bonkers.

"Why is it unreasonable for her to say "yeah, that's too much of a headache, I'm not cooking/hosting, someone else can do it or we can go out""

Because it's not too much of a headache. If you said that to me over an oven-ready pizza for someone with autism, I'd think you were being stubborn for the sake of it.

I would explain to your sister, you are happy doing a roast for everyone, including her son, maybe you can adapt the roast to cover his requirements. My son hated roast potatoes ( I know) so I would cut up potatoes in 'chip' shapes and serve those for him . He found lamb to strong in taste so I did chicken, for him instead...he ate his meal with us. He is now 23 and loves all meat, roasts and everything 😂

There wasn't room for pizza. She just kind of balanced it on top of the dishes that were in there.

My son with autism hates Aunt Bessie’s 😂 have to be homemade.

Sacrilege to open the oven door with Yorkshires brewing! I would have asked to put the pizza in and not helped myself. Incidentally, my son used to have a pizza at my in laws, kinda like a starter, before the roast dinner was served! Chicken nuggets and mash with the dinner. It’s only the last few years he’ll eat a chicken leg. He’s 19 now, and still only eats certain things. He’ll also eat 4 Yorkshires 😂

I agree.

To me, this reads like top level disablist nonsense, no matter how many ‘light-hearted’ emojis OP inserts or attempts to retcon the thread to be about a rarely-seen sister shoving a pizza for her disabled child in OP’s oven without <gasp, horror!> first craving permission to do so.

I’m glad my family are more understanding of my autistic son’s needs.

You missed a good opportunity to explain to your children why he had to eat something different - this was a chance to support your children to grow up to be more inclusive than you seem to be.

Your sister is raising her son away from family and without a network, it’s extremely stressful raising neurodivergent children - I would have thought you would relish looking after her when she is with you and giving her the roast dinner she misses!!

It sounds like he doesn't like anything in a roast so adapting it won't be possible or may not work if he can only eat certain brands. He may have a very short list of things he can eat.

Don't do it then.

I wanted to have it in the oven by 5am so it could come out at 12 so I could have everything else ready by lunchtime. It slow-cooks for 7 hours on a low heat, so I couldn't put other things in at the same time.

I went back to bed until 8am 😆

That's exactly what I was doing. Going to a lot of effort to give her the roast dinner hses misses

I know it's naughty but it's my one crime. I am rigid on everything else. We eat seasonably, and I don't allow the wrong condiments with the wrong meats!

It's just so joyless and prescriptive. Ugh.

I put mint sauce on any meal that includes gravy; sausage and mash, cottage pie, roast chicken. IDGF. I love it.

I'll PM it to you :)

Eating seasonably is an absolute joy!!

And being rigid with guests and not 'allowing' them to eat the condiments they like? Is that joyful?

Blimey, what a lot of grumpy responses to a light-hearted post! Empty nest here, got me planning a nice big family gathering now.

Genuinely enjoying hosting is wanting everyone to feel welcome, loved and enjoy themselves, not a narcissistic look how amazing my roasts are competition. Your sister was probably trying to feed her son while causing you as little inconvenience as possible, she made a simple mistake.

Do a roast, do a couple of pizzas too and let everyone eat what they want. Your sister has travelled from the other side of the world; it's the least you can do.

My niece is autistic. On Christmas Day I make a roast for 13 people. My sister brings her air fryer, and I use it to make chicken dinosaur nuggets and chips for my niece, so she can sit around the table with the rest of the family and enjoy her food like everyone else. My own son loves a roast. He'd probably prefer nuggets. He sucks it up. Though if he REALLY wanted nuggets too, I'd make him nuggets as well, since I'm already preparing them for someone with specific food preferences so why the hell not?

Family meals like that, the rare annual get togethers, are about togetherness, not making sure he has a balanced diet. That happens the other 364 days of the year, on non-special occasions.

YABVU.

i was about to ask for the recipe too!

Thank you, and we agree

Eating seasonably is an absolute joy. There's nothing nicer than looking forward to a lovely apple and blackberry crumble in early autumn, a mince pie at Christmas, strawberries and cream in the summer, roast lamb in the spring etc.

This "eat what you want when you want" thing takes all of the joy out of looking forward to something and it's so bad for the environment, having everything imported all the time just to satisfy people's food whims. I say "urgh" to that.

And now I am off to make a crumble!! :) my kids are helping and we will have a very joyful time :) they've been looking forward to it helped pick the blackberries!

OP i think the kids eat pizza and the adults eat the roast is the best solution.

" I find myself shopping and cooking for about 18 people who probably won't even help me wash up."

This is the hight or rudeness. I would be telling everyone, before hand, that you expect help cleaning up afterwards. I cant believe you even have to say it.

Sister brings nephew's specific pizza. You order enough pizzas for the other kids.

They all eat when the pizzas are ready. And go off to do kid stuff when they are bored of adults.

Adults have special roast.

Nobody touches the oven door except you.

Everybody has a lovely time and goes home with full stomachs, no drama, and warm feelings.

Interesting how people are saying it's ONE meal so let the kids have pizza. It is the main get together for a distanced family. So since it's just ONE meal then why can't the kids just eat it like everyone else? If the roast is so amazing they would. The kids could have pizza later if need be.

Am so tired of hearing parents impose things on kids when their taste buds are developing all the time. (That nephew may not have liked a roast before because his Mum makes a bad one?). Heard it so much when mine were younger but at class parties or play dates, those kids happily ate the very things the parents said they would not 😂

It's hard enough juggling hot oven space for a roast without adding extras. It was very rude to open the oven and add a pizza without checking first, because the pizza could've been put in the oven while the roast was being dished up - they take like 8minutes!

Yeah, I think "my sister brings her airfryer" and all of the obvious pre-planning and awareness in your situation makes it very different from mine.

More fool you!