To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

Same, wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Do you know anything about autistic children?

Are you prepared to learn and accommodate?

Yes it is otherwise she wouldnt have suggested her sister fed him before they arrived! So of course accomodating his needs sounds a problem for OP!

It's a bloody pre-prepared pizza!

She hasn't got to do a Michelin feast for him!

People with autism can have sensory issues which means certain foods are out for them - she hasn’t asked you to cook something special for him, she brought it along. If you don’t want to cook for your sister because her child has extra needs say you prefer to go out. Don’t sneer and be judgemental - I work with lots of kids with autism and it’s hard for parents and they may pick their battles. Just be grateful it isn’t a daily issue for you.

Yes the Yorkshire pudding is one of the issues but she also clearly said she doesn't want nephew eating a pizza while her kids have to eat their veggies so it's not just the roast even through she's trying to backtrack and claim it is.

"I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic."

If @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar decides to go head this time, speak to your sister to confirm what nephew will eat ahead of time since he has limited options and plan accordingly, simple.

As others have said you can choose to give all the kids pizza or it's also fine for your kids to have the roast while nephew has his pizza, you make the decision for your kids and have your own values at home. It's not that deep.

Good grief, surely no one is this petty, the stuff you read on here, 😳

I meant, she is not obliged to cook and host at all

A roast is made up of three different food groups, and he won't eat any of them?!

Why did you get up at 4am, don't you have a timer on your oven?
Despite that, just get pizza for all the kids, or ask your sister what your nephew likes to eat and cater for him.
I do agree that opening an oven when yorkshires are in, should be a hanging offence....🤣🤣

From your OP, it does sound like you were put out when your sister didn't attempt to force your nephew to try the roast and it wasn't just about your sister sticking the pizza in the oven without saying anything.

I think that is what some pp's have been responding to.

You'd rather sack off the whole thing than allow your autistic nephew to eat his safe food? Yeah yabu.

how big is your oven if you have a whole shelf free for a pizza?! There’s your issue, OP. Plan the oven space, have a nice cauli cheese for a side dish, meat comes out to rest when the yorkies go in…. No room for pizza.

As you'vesuggested you all just have pizza why don't the adults have roast and all kids have pizza!

He's autistic. He likely has sensory issues and may even have ARFID and a tiny amount of safe foods he will eat. Especially as OP has mentioned that it can't be takeaway pizza, it has to be a certain brand of oven pizza.

You are blowing this out of all proportion OP!
People who don’t cook much or don’t know how to make yorkshires wouldn’t necessarily know not to open the oven while they are cooking. Did she know they were in there? In doing it quickly and without discussing it with you she probably just thought she was getting on with it without a fuss being made. Might have been better if she’d gave you the pizza and said ‘can you stick this in when it’s convenient?’. But it’s hardly crime of the century.
And who in their right mind, kids or no kids, prefers oven pizza to a lovely roast dinner? If your nephew wants pizza make him his pizza and tell your kids they are having roast because they like it and because you’ve said so. Or, just let the kids have pizza! It’s not a big deal.

Nah your other crimes are grudge bearing over utterly petty things. Does everyone need to ask permission to do anything in your house? Please may I sit down? Please can I use as much toilet roll as I need? Do you have a hissy fit if someone likes a cold drink and you think ice in drinks is not on?
Be good enough to tell her that pizza is not allowed in your kingdom.

Here's a list of food my autistic eldest will currently eat:

Rice cakes - one particular brand only
pizza sauce (yep, just the sauce, with a spoon)
grated cheddar cheese from a Tupperware tub
cucumber sticks, cut into a very particular shape of the right thickness and length
chicken flavour super noodles.
Jafa cakes
McDonalds chicken nugget happy meals

That's it. That's the entire list. And honestly, I am just grateful he's currently eating a vegetable.

OP I am with you! Slightly different but my mother fiddles with oven temperature while I am cooking and has ruined several meals..
slightly tangential, but could you please share the lamb recipe - I am now very keen to try it! And we are another family who have yorkshires with lots of meals!!

Exactly what I was going to say.
Then the adults get time to enjoy their meal, the kids have enjoyed their meal and they're off playing and everyone's a winner

there is absolutely no need to get up at 4am to cook a roast dinner! Cut a few corners. Make it as easy for yourself as possible. Even slowcooked lamb, which is the best, takes about 4 hours at a low temperature.

As others have said, cook the lovely roast and also pizza and your kids can have a bit of everything! The biggest crime was your sister opening the oven and risking the Yorkshires flopping!