To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

For goodness sake. Food isn't a love language if everyone is forced to eat it whether they want to or not! Especially an autistic child.

Everyone seems to be focusing on the pizza or no pizza point. I really don't think that's OPs question.

Her concern is her sisters ignorance of shoving a pizza in the oven without running past her host, compromising the roast. I'd have no problem with accommodating for my autistic nephew but id have a huge issue with someone else interfering in my kitchen. All she had to say is "Will won't eat a roast so can you stick this pizza in when convenient".

Don't get me started on the Yorkshires. I accidentally checked the meat when the Yorkies were in when I was young and got a slotted spoon round the face from my Nan

And whoever suggested doing pizza for the kids and your roast for the adults was spot on.
Why dig your heels in?

Imagine how difficult it must be for her sister with an autistic child who have travelled from Australia. The child may have fixed preferences or needs for many things and the pizza may just be one of them.
As an adult, presumably without SEN, I would expect OP to see beyond her Yorkshire puddings in that one instance - take a deep breath, move on and order pizzas next time for the children.
Anyway, I hope OP’s non-dilemma has been solved by the helpful suggestions from PPs.

Sacrilege!

I do have a double oven which helps . Roast potatoes cook while the Yorkshire Pudding tins heat up the the potatoes go in the air-fryer for the last few cispy up minutes .

NOBODY touches the oven when the Yorkies are in.
Our male cat gazes through the glass in awe (though I think he's just admiring his reflection)

Until I remove them with a Bart Simpson "Prepare To Be Dazzled" flourish .

She (your Sis) is a savage , but yeah , give the DC pizza : Easy Life Win/Win

This is all very well but OP's problem isn't accommodating her nephew's needs, it's the sister doing something inconsiderate and just helping herself to OP's busy kitchen which is stressful for the OP.

She now wants to find a solution to the issue that works for everyone including nephew, and including her own DC and has said thank you for the suggestions.

No one is forcing the autistic child to eat the roast.

Fucks sakes she doesn’t need a solution to her sister putting the pizza in.
She tells her sister she will put the pizza in the oven at the appropriate time. The sister is only involved when the pizza comes out.

Unless the Op is someone who likes to stew on the same non problem endlessly.

Kids have pizza, adults have the roast and nobody but you are allowed to open the oven door @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar

Sorted!!

Subsequent posts have sort of clarified the main issue was with the physical act of ruining your Yorkshire puddings by opening the oven, this particular situation can easily be avoided?

Nobody needs to get up at 4am to put the lamb on. That's insane!!

Exactly, even Christmas dinner you work out the timings, prepare the night before and use timers to make sure everything is ready together. I trained as a chef, but even my other half can do it and he really isn't a chef, but he is autistic and can follow instructions.

Think yourself lucky I have to cook for assorted gluten free, dairy free, vegan, vegetarian, people who hate peas and allergies. It's a literal minefield.

You could buy a separate pizza oven and cook the pizza in that

it's her sister, she should just tell her, how hard can it be?

And no, it's not "common knowledge" that you don't open an oven, many people don't know or don't care in their own home.

If the OP is feeling so strongly and making such a huge deal about a roast and being defined by her cooking, bet the family is requesting one just to keep her happy.

Unless the Op is someone who likes to stew on the same non problem endlessly.

it's unlikely

Last time she came was Easter last year 😂

Just do your roast and give all the kids pizza beforehand. It's just one meal and not really anything to get in a tiz about.

Exactly, thank you. At no point did I force anyone to eat anything nor did I suggest anyone should eat anything they don't want.

I did not suggest to my sister or to anyone that nephew should just be made to eat the roast either. It didn't even occur to me until this moment.

Honestly.. I just wanted a few replies, some helpful suggestions (which I got - thank you again) and maybe a bit of humour. I didn't think it would garner this much interest, never mind this much hate. It thought I'd get a couple of pages of responses, if that.

I’d just suggest booking in at a nice country pub. Anyone who wants a roast can have one and others can eat what they like from the menu.

I have a kid that is very specific with what he eats, sensory and texture based so get the need for the pizza but YANBU as the oven was OPENED while the Yorkshires were in absolute madness. I think you did well to keep your outraged internalised 🤣🤣 just cook the pizza earlier. Especially if you cook a decent roast it's probably likely yours is better than going out.

Knowing your nephew has autism, you are seriously considering refusing to cook for them after pizzagate.
AYBU?
Well of course you are. You're not obliged to inform yourself about his condition but knowing a few basics and how they impact on family life might be helpful to you.

Enjoy your family when they arrive and good luck. x

Ffs, your poor sister. Coming all the way over and youre being so uptight.

Ask her what he wants and cater for him separately? It's no big deal

She's not obliged to cook for them either though??

Why is it unreasonable for her to say "yeah, that's too much of a headache, I'm not cooking/hosting, someone else can do it or we can go out"

I really don't get the line "you are seriously refusing to cook for them"

Personally, I'd expect to nonchalently bung a pizza in like that with my close family.
She said, "it's for (nephew) he won't eat the roast."

Bash on.

‘Love language’ this reeks of Instagram nonsense.

Yorkshire woman here. Wash your mouth out Darkforces.

I don't understand why you don't just cook a roast for everyone and a pizza for your nephew. Surely the kids can understand why it's different for him? When my family come around I'm cooking something yummy for everyone who'll eat it and also accommodating the veggie, the milk free, the gluten free, and the autistic. It's only every now and then, and takes a bit of planning, but everyone gets to have a nice time and enjoy their food.