To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

OP's nephew will only eat a certain brand of oven pizza from the sounds of it so takeaway pizza will work for the other kids but not him.

I understand where you are coming from op. It is hard work cooking for a large number of people, the roast was specifically wanted by your sister and she opened the oven door at s tricky moment for your Yorkshire's. My take on this for this time would be ...yes, of course he can have pizza, but please wait until my Yorkshire's are out of the oven. If put in as your Yorkshires are coming out the pizza will be almost done by the time you are actually serving up. Mum quietly gets up and serves her son. Good host, good guest. 😄

I like how you left out he was autistic until the end. Obviously you’re being unreasonable. He clearly has food sensitivities and pizza is his safe food. He’s already having a change of routine travelling I’m sure you can manage to let the poor kid eat. Maybe read up on autism / ARFID and sensory issues and support your sister and nephew.

Just let the kids have pizza all together as a treat.. tell sis to stay out of the kitchen.
Cook a fab roast for everyone else.
Why is this even being posted as problem for gods sake.

Then it is clearly something you resent. Your sister lives so far away. You say you enjoy cooking a roast. Your nephew doesn't like a roast. Your children won't die without veg for one meal. It isn't hard.

This is nonsense.

OP did not get angry with her sister for meeting her nephew's needs. OP got angry with her sister for barging into her kitchen while she was busy cooking a lot of food for a lot of people, and helped herself to her oven without prior arrangement, disrupting the cooking process that she had spent hours on, and probably extra hours just planning.
Sister could have just spoken to OP and OP would have been able to factor in something as simple as a pizza.

Someone else suggested that food is probably the OP's love language and I think that sounds spot on. It's important to her that everything is perfect. Just like when you throw a party for someone you love, or spend time picking the perfect Christmas present.

There's nothing here suggesting narcissism whatsoever.

I’m sorry but if anyone opens the oven while I’m cooking Yorkshires then they are being cut from my life!

just let the kids have pizza and the adults have a roast, it’s one meal. BUT I would be having serious words with her about interfering with the oven when the Yorkshires are cooking

Ok @Cherrytree86 it was just a suggestion 😆 I would happily cook a roast for people at my house (and the OP seems lovely and it’s lovely doing things for other people because thats what normal and nice people do) but the whole point of the post…. So I was just thinking of alternatives. I will not make any further suggestions.

For what it's worth, I have absolutely no idea how to use Instagram and I have never taken a picture of a plate of food in my life.

Ohh that does make it tricky then - perhaps kids need to eat slightly before the adults

So OP orders in food for the other kids and his pizza could go in at same time as the roast potatoes for example, since they're not too smelly like the meats so wouldn't affect the taste of his pizza...

Best investment I've made for roasts and hosting large numbers of people is a combi microwave oven - I do all the roast veg in the microwave (using the oven/ air fryer setting). If OP has an appliance like this she could make her nephew's pizza in the microwave/airfryer without impacting her plans for the adult meal.

No, OP wants everyone to eat the roast dinner.

This could all be solved by "I'm going to put the yorkshires in the oven now, do you need me to put a pizza in too?"

You love cooking roasts
They love eating your roasts

Can't you just leave it at that?

One jetlag autistic little kid, who's given a pizza (instead of requesting a completely different meal cooked by you!) to keep him happy and quiet. Is that such a big deal?

Tell your sister to NEVER open the oven because it ruins the food that's in it - when it's yorkshire or similar.

Focus on the compliments about your food, and be adult and a good host/ auntie about your nephew.

These are people you rarely see and imo if youre hosting it is important to feed everyone what they love and not get hung up on everyone eating the same. I normally host Christmas and everyone likes different things so that's what I do.

If it was me I'd say let's do a pizza party for the kids (maybe order domino's or pizza hut) and I'll cook for the adults but if anyone opens my oven door or interferes with my kitchen, I'll stab them in the eye with the meat thermometer.

Love when people say a roast is easy to make if full propper one it's not easy

OP got angry with her sister for barging into her kitchen while she was busy cooking a lot of food for a lot of people, and helped herself to her oven without prior arrangement, disrupting the cooking process that she had spent hours on, and probably extra hours just planning.
Wow, some people are really highly strung.
Prior arrangement to pop a pizza in the oven.
I bet OP looked like she was chewing a wasp.
Threads like this, helps me appreciate my easy-going family.

What a great auntie you are...
The childs Autistic ffs!

“Cooked with love”

…absolutely no love of cooking, the “perfect roast”, sister, nephew or, anything else .. shown by OP.

We should set the text of it to “Our Tune” and have Simon Bates read it out.

sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

As she should. You sound fucking horrible.

🤣

Oh the irony.

Have skim read thread and taken note of all of your posts OP.

I think you're making a lot out of nothing. I wouldn't have minded the pizza going in (besides the yorkies, that was thoughtless) if that's what nephew will eat. I work with children with autism and rigid food preferences are something we all have to accomodate.
Your sister will be used to working around it and it won't have occurred to her that she was offending you or that she had to ask your permission. I think you're being quite precious.
Hope you can ease up a bit next time.

My autistic daughter will eat a roast (though it’s one of only 3 meals she will eat) but my autistic niece won’t. When we hosted Christmas I put chicken dippers and potato waffles into the oven 15 mins before serving up the rest of the food because honestly, a good host caters for dietary needs. Autistic people struggle massively with food textures and safe foods. It’s not an excuse, it’s a fact. I’m sure your sister wishes he would sit and eat the roast (the same as I wish my autistic daughter would eat bolognese, chilli, lasagne, Christ even a burger or sausage!) but he won’t. He will sit there and look at the meal, possibly get upset over it and certainly not eat it. The pizza for him solves the eating and disruption issue. You could be understanding of this and either: serve pizza for ALL the kids and a roast for the adults OR you could use this as a teaching moment for your children and privately in advance explain about different neurotypes and why some people might require accommodations.

You don’t appear particularly accommodating or understanding from the way you have worded your post. It’s not like you see them very often either.

On a related note, a recent study showed that parents of autistic children show the same stress levels as combat soldiers. Your sister’s life is likely full of all kinds of struggles that you aren’t privy to and for her food is not the hill to die on with him, it does not harm to support her with that.

I get why it's a bit annoying because when you make all that effort to make a roast (which has actually been imposed on you as well, you didn't offer) and then people interfere in your cooking and don't all sit down shut up and eat, it's annoying.

The fact that he has autism is the only saving grace here. I don't have a child with autism, nor do have worked with children with autism so I don't actually know what this means for eating meals. Because of this I would be inclined to just let it go, offer your kids pizza or a roast (their choice).

You also have the choice to decline making the roast as well, you never offered to do this.

This. But also, yorkies with lamb? YABU! 🤣