To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

Takeaway PIZZA for children
Oven PIZZA for DN to chow done on
Slow roast 4AM LAMB with YORKSHIRES fur adults

Sorted!

I'm hoping your love for uppercase letters will make you read the above and actually think it solves the non issue!

Yes, I want to cook a roast. I love cooking roasts. It was me that suggested the OG Easter roast. I wanted to try out the slow cooked lamb recipe and it was lush. I don't mind getting up at 4am, it's fun, and I went back to bed afterwards anyway 😆

But I also think that just spending time with my family is the most important thing and if shoving a load of pizzas in the oven was the best way to do that, then I would have sacrificed wanting to make a roast and just had the bloody pizzas.

It's my sister (and mum) that are insisting on a roast.

And I am grateful for the helpful suggestions on this thread.

Whilst I can get on board your anger at her opening the oven mid Yorkshire rise the rest of it is ridiculous. Just make it really clear to your kids that nephew is autistic so needs an alternative meal and even ask your kids in advance "Would you like Pizza with nephew as a treat or roast with the adults?" subbing one roast for pizza on a special occasion isn't going to make your kids fussy eaters.

I knew as soon as I saw this thread that it’d turn into a pile on. MN can be such a mean place. Ignore them OP!

Firstly, sounds like food is your ‘love language’. You put all the love into the food to let people know you care about them. And then along comes someone, messes with the yorkies and drops a frozen pizza in the mix. I understand the gin swigging!

You just have to give your sister and nephew a ‘free pass’ on account of nephew’s dietary requirements. And as others have suggested, you could let all the kids have a pizza party together - special pizza for the nephew and order in for the others. Stick them all in another room with some gaming or whatever and let the adults enjoy their grown up roast. These family celebrations obviously don’t happen often so just let everyone chill in their own way.

My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing"...

To be honest, I'd be inclined to kick this back to DM with a "you want a roast, you cook it" answer. To me, it's pretty rude for DM (on behalf of DSis) to place the expectation on the OP. I absolutely hate it when people volunteer my services without my agreement.

Excellent 👌.
Sounds like a plan. I hope you and your family have a fantastic time! (and I'm sure your roast is lush 😋!)

You can be a good sister and still be rigid in thinking.

I have a sister like OP so maybe that's why I'm so sympathetic to OP and shocked at the pile on. My sister can be inflexible, she does like everything perfect, she will cook puddings from scratch and try not to wince at my store bought options, and she is very organised - basically the opposite of me!

But for all the rigidity, she is the glue of our family. The one that ensures we still celebrate life and each other even when illness, bereavement, work stress makes it all seem impossible. She's the first to turn up and get her knees and hands dirty in a crisis, and the last to go home after someone's had a bad day. She's a great sister, and her inflexibility and rigid values are all part of that.

I can see a lot of my sister in OP and I think she's trying her best and has started this thread because she wants to make sure it's perfect for her sister, nephew and everyone else. Cut her some slack.

I would time it so the pizzas go in during the cooking.

Then nephew and DCs can eat their pizzas and then go and play.

By the time they’ve finished eating, you guys can serve and eat your roast.

I dont get the issue- was your oven too good for the pizza? Were the yorkshire puddings offended?

Oh come on! OP then followed on with how she loves making roasts and hosting (along those lines). In another year there will be a thread about how her sister came from Australia and they all had to have pizza and she didn’t get to show off her roasting skills.

Anyone who comes onto MN with a long OP about pizza being put in the oven for an autistic child (who they only see once a year), because they were making their magnificent roast clearly is the type to offer alternatives through gritted teeth and then stew over it for for another year!
Most people would just think: I love cooking roasts for people, sister (who I rarely see) loves my roasts so I will do that and get in pizzas for the kids. Done.

You’ve got every suggestion possible, you’re not happy with any them.

You want to cook a roast, but are finding 10 min pizzas (delegate cooking to your sister, she seems capable!) too much and detracting from
family time….

Pizzas can be cooked by sister whilst you’re dishing up?

I would like to know what you serve with your roasts? Apart from yorkshires. I love making Yorkshires, mine turn out huge, I’m quite proud of them.

I frequently cook 2 meals for family, 1 for adults and 1 (yes, usually pizza) for my grandchildren. It’s really no big deal and I’d much rather they were happy and eat than not eat a roast dinner.

Adults often crave a roast while youngsters prefer pizzas or KFC. Maybe everyone should have a choice?

This, but wonder if the family would accept that given they don't seem to ever have contributed to ops shopping costs, the cooking/serving or clear up after....

OP has not rebuffed all suggestions. She has said thank you for all helpful suggestions. More than once, I believe.

I mean your comment re Yorkshire puddings is incorrect. It’s more science than skill. Or maybe you’re ok with part deflated yorkshires? (About 10 years experience give or take)

Wonder if it's worth asking the kids what they want to eat cuz some of them might want to eat the roast and then you would be able to do this with the pizza or tell your kids they have to have rice but you'll give them the pizza the day after or the day before. It does sound really annoying OP I don't cook and I certainly wouldn't be cooking for that many people but can see why this is irritating!

I think op was being the difficult one and making a bigger deal then it is. Of course the adults would probably prefer a roast and the sister requested it. Why wouldn't you want to do something kind and thoughtful for friends and family? Whenever my mum comes I make her a roast because that is her favourite. If someone is visiting, I always make an effort to make something they like. Just like my mum cooks all my favourite foods when she comes to visit. How silly would it be for her to refuse to cook my favourite foods because not all my children eat it? I have been to many dinner party and lunches and the host always makes a variety to cater to kids and adults.....people choose what they want. For example one dinner we went to there were hamburgers and loads of steaks and side dishes, so people could decide what they want or have a little of everything. I have never been to a dinner party where the host decides only to make one thing or that everyone has to eat the same dish. Yes, we have had some casual dinners with family when we have discussed and all wanted pizza, but even then we order chicken wings and chicken tenders as well.

@Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar what would be family response if you asked for cost contributions or went to a carvery and split the bill?

Is there a frozen pizza that takes 20 mins to cook same as Yorkshires? Problem solved. Tell your kids to zip it about pizza and bribe them with pizzas another time.

You cannot claim to love feeding you family with food made with love when you get angry at your sister for letting her autistic child’s basic needs.

what the OP no doubts means is she loves basking in the glory of her “amazing roast” and god forbid anyone detracts from the perfection of the insta perfect spread by doing something that is a requirement.

I’ve never used the word narcissist in relation to a poster before but this is ringing ALL the bells!

I cook CHristmas dinner every year, and every year my mum tries to pop stuff in the kitchen when I'm dishing up and it gives me the rage. Dishing up is the most stressful time in the kitchen and is done in stages with v tight timings - so the last thing out of the oven (usually the Yorskhires while also doing the gravy on ths stove) is when we're ready to eat as everything else has already been "dished up" and put on the table.

OP just order pizza in for the kids and do a roast for the adults. I wouldn't want anyone messing around in my kitchen either - especially not to cook pizzas which require a lot of oven space.

Bloody hell what time did you eat lunch? Must have been very early.

Agree with pizza for kids and roast for adults.

okay helpful suggestion

talk to your sister. I have an autistic child with strong issues /phobias around food and can probably get anxious in these situations and make maybe a poor ddecision ie. not consider the other children present - I know that I have got annoyed in similar situations where the other parent has not considered my own kids

I think. this is a normal dilemma when serving up children with different parental approaches etc. Let's be charitable. because presumably you love your sister!! so you can think the best of her

She was so focused on her very anxious childs needs - and his inability to cope with new foods - that she behaved in a selfish way.

Just call her and say - sis, my children found it hard seeing nephew eat pizza, do you think we could find a solution so they don't need to see that while eating a roast.

OR - you sit your own kids down and say - hey, your cousin has real issues around food and is going to have pizza - we won't today but will do another day okay! and then lay on a lovely pudding.